In A Moment
by YeBritishBabe
Summary: CordayRomano-Corday in danger and Romano feeling its all his fault. Chap 32-And still it goes!
1. Need home, need sleep

Disclaimer: ER is not mine-they wouldn't accept my bid for it. Damn them!

Authors note: Okay, this is set after 'A Hopeless Wound' but before Romano is demoted to the ER. Its one of those doc in peril ones so plenty of drama and the thinking out of feelings. Its less or a romance than some other Cordano pieces because I am crap at writing that kind of stuff. I've read the others-they v. good.

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It had been a long day, too long as far as Elizabeth Corday was concerned. All she wanted to do was go home to Ella and sleep. The two did not naturally fit together but she was hoping to let Ella run around the house until she fell asleep. Dear lord Elizabeth you're referring to your daughter like a dog! I need to get home, she thought.

Romano had been crabby as hell all day, still dealing with his arm although she didn't see why she had to put up with crap from him. Yes she did-she felt sorry for him. She wondered how she would react if it had happened to her. Could I cope with never being able to do surgery again? That was like asking her not to breathe. Of course she had more to her life than Robert did. Her daughter, her parents. He was alone.

She remembered in a flash, his touch in the lounge that day. What had she felt then? The pity faltered, the fear of him getting the wrong idea set in, but also an intense desire just to hold him. Home Elizabeth, she thought, now before you get anymore crazy ideas. 

She finished her latest patient and nodded to the anaesthetist.

'All done and dusted, thank God,' she sighed.

'Ready to leave?' asked the anaesthetist.

'Hours ago, I just hope there's nothing else I have to do,' said Elizabeth fervently. 

She helped wheel out the young man and removed her cap and gown. She sighed and leaned against a wall.

'Hey Dr Corday you look beat!'

She opened her eyes and saw Paul Nathan in front of her, smiling.

'Up here again?' she asked.

'Just doing some paperwork. You know I think my hand's gonna fall off from that not the Parkinson's,' he joked.

They walked together down the corridor.

'Yes, it does mount up doesn't it,' agreed Elizabeth, wiping her eyes.

They walked to the elevator, where Nathan climbed aboard.

'I'm jealous of you going home,' said Nathan, 'I've still got three more hours!'

She grinned as the doors closed. She felt bad about her behaviour to him when they had first met but now she saw his gift, as a physician not a surgeon. Doesn't have the arrogance for a surgeon, she thought, walking to the desk to sign off her patients.

Blimey, you are in a strange mood, must be the lack of sleep. 

A voice boomed out behind her down the corridor. 

'Lizzie!'


	2. Just one more thing

Elizabeth groaned. Six years and he was still using that damned nickname. He had never asked, just started and she had let him. Why? Because he's Robert and some things you can't change about him.

'What is it Robert?' she sighed, not looking up, 'I'm just about to get out of here.'

'Glad to see you too,' said Robert, cheerily, leaning on the desk, 'I was just strolling around up here, as is my job and I noticed a lovely woman and her kid waiting for a kidney transplant.'

'And?' Elizabeth failed to see his point-she wasn't part of the transplant team.

'They're both getting a little edgy, I wanted you to have a word, y'know, a pretty female face, woman's touch blah, blah, blah,' said Robert, airily, walking off.

'Follow me, would you,' he said.

Elizabeth was indignant. She looked up at him in disbelief, not moving.

'Robert I'm going home! Now! And if you want me to stay its for an emergency not some kind of pep talk!' 

Robert turned and rolled his eyes.

'What if I say pretty please?' he asked.

'No,' said Elizabeth flatly.

Robert shrugged and walked a bit up the corridor. He opened a door and looked in.

'Hello again Mrs Graham, I've got someone here to allay your fears. Dr Corday is one of our top surgeons and will happily answer all your questions, you remember her of course?'

Elizabeth glared at him. Typical Robert tactic. She walked towards him slowly, fighting a desire to slap him and flashed him an I-going-to-kill-you-after-this look. 

'I knew you couldn't say no,' he whispered throatily as she past.

They were inches away, and she glared into his dark eyes.

'Thanks Lizzie,' he said, sounding half-sincere, half-mocking. 

And he was gone. Elizabeth tried to stop her inner fuming, and the little voice in her head, which said 'if you didn't care so much he wouldn't get to you'. She took a deep breath. Painful things would happen to him later. A young woman, Mr Graham, with a tear streaked face turned towards her and clasped the hand of a little blonde girl. The girl was jaundice and weak, but gave her a smile. Elizabeth's heart skipped as she thought of Ella. The room also had two other patients. A sleeping man, with a dark haired woman by his side and an old black man, also sleeping. A nurse moved around them quietly.

'Mrs Graham,' said Elizabeth, walking forwards, 'how can I help?'


	3. The Man with a Suitcase

The ER was chaos. There had been a fire at a department store and there were many causalities, some bad, some not so bad and a whole lot of people.

'This is a five-hundred pound coat and you didn't buy it!'

'Yes I did you snotty cow now give it here!'

The sales assistant and the woman began to tussle.

'Frank sort that!' shouted Carter as he tried to sort the sudden influx of patients.

'Not my job call security,' said Frank, scoffing a doughnut.

'Carter, he's crashing!' shouted Susan, down the hall.

'Dammit!' muttered Carter, dashing back down the corridor.

In the chaos no one noticed a man, with a suitcase and slightly dishevelled suit, walk around the metal detectors and over to the front desk.

'Where is my wife?' he asked, evenly.

Frank didn't even look up.

'Look around pal, she's probably here somewhere. Part of the department store fire?' he asked, stuffing more doughnut.

'No, no, she came in earlier.'

The man eyed his surroundings warily.

'To…have an operation,' he continued.

'You want upstairs. OR forth floor-go ask them!'

The man nodded and disappeared back into the crowd.


	4. Don't think, just act

Her job done, Elizabeth stood up to leave.

'It will be fine, the surgeons are very good. I should know!' she said, smiling.

Mrs Graham squeezed her daughter's hand, much happier than before.

'There you go Jane, nothing to fear,' she said to her daughter, 'thank you,' she said to Elizabeth.

Elizabeth smiled. Heart-warming, definately and it made her want to get home even more. As she turned to leave, a man entered. He did not look violent; he looked like a businessman in a suit. The dark haired woman sitting by the sleeping man looked, then stood up violently, her chair bouncing to the floor.

'M-Martin?' she said, startled, 'what are you doing here?'

Elizabeth looked across, her skin prickling for some reason.

'You are still my wife,' said the suited man, quietly, 'not his.'

Then it happened. Slow motion. A gun pulled from the case and fired. The man in the bed taking two in the chest, dying instantly. The dark haired woman jumping at her husband, tussling with him. He pushed her off. 

Elizabeth stood frozen; the images moving in front of her like a film. 

Someone was screaming. A movement. The elderly black man crept towards the shooter. The man turned and fired. 

The old man clutched at his neck, blood seeping through his dark fingers. He staggered forwards, catching the shooter in a low tackle. They fell sideways together. Elizabeth dropped the chart she held and it clattered to the floor. 

Still the shots came. 

Jane. Elizabeth felt her limbs move without her say so and was in front of the girl. The man hit the floor and the shooting stopped. Elizabeth's eyes saw the elderly black man crawl out of the door. Martin grabbed his wife by the neck and pulled her to her feet.

'We're not leaving till you say you love me,' he said.


	5. The one that got away

Romano was in his office. Paperwork littered his desk in a never-ending sea. Paperwork! Geez, that was becoming his life now. Now the front line was a distant memory. He scrubbed in and saw others working and barely suppressed the desire to kick something, usually the surgeon, in frustration. I'm a good surgeon. The thought came unbidden. What am I thinking, I'm _the best_. The absolute_ best_. I had to be its not like there's anything else in my life.

Oh boo hoo. What retarded Oprah-like way of thinking. Must be spending all that time watching daytime TV at home. 

What was in his life? His job, surgery, his dogs and, oh yes...her. She was the extra. With everyone else he could insult them to the cows come home and take tremendous pleasure in it. Usually for the general good of the hospital of course. And he had tried to with her, succeeded once or twice, but the joy never lasted long. He was happy because he had spoken to her, not because he was offering her some way out of whatever he had dropped her into. He felt the struggle in him-guilt, anger, passion. 

Today it was the same. He had forced her to do something-why? To get her to stay a bit longer. Maybe that was why. Couldn't bear to see her leave. She fixed him with those baby blues, angry, furious and as she stormed past him into the room, just a grasp away he had had to fight with every fibre to keep from taking her in his arms-wait, his_ arm_-and kissing her forever.

There you go again, Rocket, he thought. This keeps up you'll be able to write for Mills and Boon.

Then he heard the shots. He started to his feet. Gun shots? A wild idea of a television on ran through his mind, but then he heard more. And worse, he heard screaming. Without thinking he dived out into the corridor which was now dotted with people looking confused. Nurses and doctors stuck heads out of doors and threw questioning looks about them.

'What the hell is going on?' he barked, marching through them, towards the Nurses station.

The nurses all looked down the corridor. 

'It came from round the corner,' said Shirley, her hand gripping the wall and staring away from him. 

Then someone gasped. An elderly black man, dressed in a gown, crawled around the corner, his hand to his neck, crimson liquid crashing to the floor.

For a moment everyone froze. Then Robert rushed forward. Shirley followed and they sat the man against a wall.

'Don't just stand and do goldfish impressions people, someone get a gurney now!' called Robert, over his shoulder.

'Shirley-'

But she was already half gone, disappearing into a room to fetch life saving tools. The man was struggling to talk.

'Don't worry, we'll get you fixed up soon,' said Robert, trying to ease the mans fingers away from his neck and get a better look at the wound, 'Luckily you're up here and not in the ER so it'll be quicker. What happened?'

'The man,' gasped the black man, 'the man with a gun. He...just shot him! And then the woman and I thought...ough! I thought he would....little girl...I tried to stop...he shot me! Oh God! He shot me!'

Shirley appeared again suddenly and they worked together to stop the incessant flow of blood.

A gurney finally arrived and he harangued the unfortunate bringers, which made him feel slightly better. It blotted out, temporarily, the hundreds of awful thoughts that were crashing into his mind.

The black man was quieter, sedated, settled as he was wheeled away. Robert stood for a moment, breathing heavily, aware of the blood strains on his clothes.

'Dr Romano?'

Shirley spoke in a level voice, but he could sense the tension beneath it. He whirled round and let Dr Romano, Chief or Staff take over.

'Page Anspagh! Get Edson here too-hell just get everyone!' he shouted.

He glared at the assembled crowd and they began to dissipate at once. Friction, fear and confusion began to crackle in the air. 

'Should we go and check?' asked Shirley.

'What?' he snapped.

'The room. Where the man came from, should we go and check the room?'

They both peered around the corner. The corridor was empty, but a trail of blood lead back to a door. 

The door. The door that some minutes earlier he had held open to let her brush past...

Dear God no.

'Call the police,' he heard himself say.


	6. Inside, Outside

Disclaimer: I re-iterate, not mine, never was, never will be ER owned by me is not. 

This is turning out longer than I thought. A longer chapter now, coz the others were a wee bit short.

Thanks to my reviewers-I read yours too y'know! Thanks to Christina (love the fic by the way, Miss workaholic) for her reassurance about the love factor. 

This being quite dramatic and our two heroes being apart means that its not as big as in some other fics. But keep reading if you like a good drama. If you like comedy, try my other fan fic Parodylicious which is just mad (plug, plug)

I also apologise for the formatting going back and forth. I'll try and keep it clear from now on.

Oh and I invented Davidson, I just needed another surgeon.

Alrighty, that's me talking all over, back to the action. 

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Her eyes were closed, darkness enveloped her as strange noises and smells invaded her senses. The buzz and drone of machines and lights. The rustle of a sheet, clothing. A smell of sweat and the unmistakable tang of blood. I know that smell, said her mind. Someone was breathing heavily. More than one. A slight whimper. Carefully she peeled her lids open. 

She appeared to be sitting on the floor., her back against...what was that? Hard and curved-the bottom of a bed. The room was very still and dark. Shattered glass on the floor, showed some lights had been blasted away. She turned her head sideways. By her side, the sleeping man from earlier still looked as though he was sleeping. But pooling strains on his chest suggested otherwise. He wasn't moving, his face pale. Elizabeth closed her eyes again, dizziness and nausea fighting for control. She overcame them and looked forwards. Kneeling on the floor was the young dark haired woman, face down, biting her lip, but not crying.

Still in shock, thought Elizabeth. The shooter, Martin, was standing by the door, peering through the closed blinds. He was sweating and swallowing, a hand scratching his temple. Suddenly she became very aware of herself. A snapshot line-up of what had happened appeared in her mind jostling for her attention. 

Gun, chest, black man, neck, door, Jane.

Jane. She moved her hands, which were resting on her lap. Her left hand stopped just above her hip. Her clothes were damp. She pulled her hand up and tried to focus. Oh, yes... 

*

As Shirley disappeared, Robert made a few cautious steps down the corridor towards the door. It opened suddenly and a gun barrel was pointed directly at him. He froze.

'No further doc,' he heard a man call.

Robert held up his hands in a gesture of surrender, but he wasn't going to be so easily deterred.

'What do you want?' he called.

'Just get back!' yelled the man.

'We heard gun shots. The police are coming,' said Robert evenly.

'Nothings going on...tell them to stay back, they come near here and I start shooting people.'

Robert backed away a few steps to show his deference, but he kept talking.

'You shot a man already. He came down here, wounded in the neck. We know something's going on,' he said.

There was a pause. Robert resisted the urge to dive down the hallway. Where is she? his head nagged, what happened? Maybe she got out, maybe she went home...

'Look everyone's okay. There's a doctor in here to look after them!' called the man.

Robert reached out his arm against the wall to steady himself. He felt as if he had been punched in the stomach.

'I need to speak to the doctor,' he said.

Another pause. Blood thudded in his ears and every muscle was tensed. 

'No. You_ don't _need to, now get back!'

Robert opened his mouth to speak again, but a bullet zinged in front of him and imbedded into the floor. Robert focused on it for a moment, then moved backwards slowly. When he was round the corner he paused and leant against the wall. 

Shirley was on the phone, her eyes wide, talking quickly. He recovered himself enough to, drag a spare gurney across the corridor.

'No-one goes down there,' he said to Shirley.

She nodded.

'They're coming,' she said, bluntly.

Robert nodded. His thoughts were a mess. She was in there he knew. Was she hurt? She would be scared though, although she wouldn't show it of course. Not Lizzie. 

All your damn fault, said a voice in his head, had to play the little games with her didn't you? Just because you're hurting. Just because you can. He was drifting. Standing by the desk, hoping, wondering if everything had just happened had been a dream.

'Dr Romano?'

It was Shirley. He looked at her, blinking slowly. 

'Yeah?'

'Dr Corday, was she...is she...?'

'Yes. Yes she is.'

And as he said it other words ran through him and around him and crashed inside him. She could be dead. No. No, no, that's not how we think is it? Well, yes it's how _you_ think isn't it? Always the pessimist. And she always positive '...You're an excellent surgeon and you will be again, I promise you...'

Her blue eyes were earnest and her cheek was soft... I need to do something, ANYTHING! He bit the inside of his cheek until he felt blood, the taste and the pain reminding him of reality.

'I going to check on our neck wound,' he said, curtly, then shouted at a nearby nurse, 'you there less stare more work!'

He turned to Shirley as he strode off.

'When they get here, get me and remember no-one goes down there.'

He pushed the door into the scrub room, empty with a chemical air and the smell of latex. Surgery. His other great love. An excellent surgeon. He scrubbed in a daze. Don't think about it, you can't afford to. Keep working, keep on top. He entered the OR where Edson and Dr Davidson were working.

'What messes are we making in here?' he asked, a lame attempt at his usual humour.

Edson and Davidson didn't look up. 

'What's going on out there,' asked Edson.

'The madness of mankind,' replied Robert, grandly, then under his breath, 'has captured an angel.'

Well what do we think? Please review-I'm a hungry little writer. Cheers muchly!


	7. ERout of the loop

I thought I'd bring the ER crew in a bit to add, or maybe ease, a bit of tension and see how this affected them. I imagine this story like a really focused episode. And I like Susan and want her to be in this too. 

Twenty minutes had past...

Rumours and half-truths were buzzing around the ER like determined flies. Kerry Weaver had disappeared upstairs as soon as the police had arrived, intent on finding out what the hell was going on. Susan Lewis, desperate for coffee and peace, scooted into the doctors' lounge-which was unexpectedly both quiet and full of people.

Some of the ER staff-nurses, doctors, porters, even Jerry-had gathered around the television. It showed an excited look young woman, standing it what appeared to be the ambulance bay. 

'I wondered where everyone had got to,' said Susan, stopping abruptly in the doorway, 'what's this?'

Jerry, standing at the back, leaned over to her and whispered.

'The press have arrived. They've got a camera at the window.'

'_The _window?' asked Susan, 'how?'

'Climbed on top of a building next door.'

'Well can they see anything?'

'Nothing. Just a bed, it's pretty dark.'

'Weaver said their was a shooter and hostages-do they know anymore?'

'There are five hostages and one of them may be a _doctor_,' said Jerry, animatedly.

Susan's eyes widened and she let the door close behind her, moving closer to the TV.

'Oh my God,' she whispered, 'I wonder who it is?'

'In our own hospital and we're watching it on the damn TV,' said Haleh, from somewhere near the front.

Just then the door opened and Abby, Chen and Carter shuffled in to the already crowded space, looked confused.

Susan was about to ask who was actually dealing with the patients, when Kerry Weaver appeared, having obviously herded them in.

'Turn that off,' she ordered.

Malik flicked the switch and everyone went quiet.

'Before I chuck you lot back out there, this is as good a time as any to explain what I know. All I know. I don't want any random gossip or scaremongering. And no questions either, after I've finished you leave, you work as normal and you diffuse any patient questions by telling them the situation is under control.'

The hushed group leaned in, eager for news.

'Firstly, Jerry get out there and clear those news crews outta the ambulance bay, they're blocking emergencies.'

Jerry looked downcast.

'But Chief-'

Kerry fixed him with a steely eye and Jerry thought better of arguing. He pushed his way back outside.

'Now. This goes no further,' Weaver continued, 'I have just come from upstairs where a policeman told me this. About twenty-five minutes ago, a man walked into one of the pre-op rooms with a gun and began to shoot. We don't as yet know why. We don't who has been shot, and who hasn't, the police are trying to talk to the shooter now.'

She stopped suddenly and looked down.

'Dr Weaver?' said Carter, reaching out.

Weaver brushed him off.

'I'm fine. Five people were in that room, one of them was a doctor. Dr Corday.'

There was a universal gasp. Abby leant closer to Carter and Susan covered her mouth with her hand.

'That is all I know. I will try and keep you updated people, but I can only say what they tell me. Now, back to work.'

She pushed back through the throng and into the chaos of ER. The group was silent for a moment; each lost in their own thoughts. Abby gave Carter a quick hug.

'You okay?' she asked.

He nodded, blankly, then said,

'You heard her everyone,' said Carter, 'lets go back out there and do our jobs.'

He opened the door and Abby walked out followed by Chen. Carter left and one by one the staff members melted back outside, subdued, worried, scared.


	8. It just hit me

Dis-claimer: Dis claim, dis one 'ere? Ain't mine al'righ'? Respc'

Back to Elizabeth. These next two chapters have internal exploration of feelings a bit and some set up stuff. I am trying to avoid being repetitive but if I am, tell me.

I don't know how long a bullet wound would take to do serious damage, but Elizabeth's a fighter so she's bearing up well.

Thanks to all my readers and reviewers-you are the reason I go on (that and breathing and stuff)

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'I said sit down!'

Elizabeth was ignoring Martin. It was hard to ignore a man with a gun but she was doing it.

She felt light-headed, as if her body was disconnected from her brain. She knew it was from the loss of blood. Soon after Martin had closed the door on Romano, she had grasped the side of the bed and hauled herself up.

Martin had asked her what she was doing and she had explained, as calmly and quietly as if she was explaining it to a student, about her wound, about Jane Graham and her condition, about how she needed to help herself and them or he would have more deaths on his hands.

It was as if her doctor's brain was working independently from her human brain which was screaming at her in pain and fear. At the front of her mind was Ella, her precious baby, her little girl. How could she grow up as an orphan? Where would she go, who would take care of her? 

'Shut up Elizabeth,' she had told herself, 'that's no way to think. You're going to be fine, you're going to live and nothing will happen.' 

He had let her work on the Graham girl. There was not much she could do. Jane was getting worse by the minute, drifting in and out of conciousness. Her body was beginning to shut down. Elizabeth didn't have everything she needed to help and her own pain was making her hands shake and her mind blur. 

Martin paced back forth across the room. His wife was still crouched on the floor, numbed and quiet. 

And as for herself? She had patched herself up as best she could, stopped the bleeding, knowing she needing to be alert and knowing just as clearly that she herself was going to need surgery and soon. Now Martin had become frustrated again. His image as a normal businessman was shredded and his jacket and tie lay strewn on a chair, his shirt damp with sweat. Never, ever judge a book…

'That's enough doc,' he said.

'Its Dr Corday if you don't mind,' she said icily, 'and its enough when I say. Did you go to medical school?'

Martin said nothing but snorted, then sat down and rubbed his head. Elizabeth finished as best she could on Jane.

'Is she going to die?' whispered Mrs Graham, feverishly.

Elizabeth swallowed and resorted to telling half-truths.

'I'm doing everything I can,' she said, softly, 'but she will need extra help. She needs surgery.'

She said the last bit loudly, so Martin could hear. But he did not move. Still working in doctor mode, she moved to the woman sitting on the floor.

'What's your name?' she asked.

'Sarah,' said the woman, 'he's Martin.'

She looked at her husband. Elizabeth nodded.

'Are you hurt?' she asked.

Sarah shook her head, then looked at Elizabeth.

'No. But Jack-'

'I'm afraid there really is nothing I can do,' said Elizabeth, 'he was killed instantly, I doubt he felt anything.'

The woman's eyes teared up again.

'Don't cry for him Sarah!'

It was Martin, finally paying attention.

'He's deserved it. My best friend, my wife...God what a cliche,'

He spoke in a level, unemotional voice, but then seemed to brighten up.

'We'll be happy again, I promise,' he said, as if telling the family they were going to get the widescreen television that summer.

Elizabeth had sat down on the floor next to Sarah, trying to crush the pain in her side, which was becoming overwhelming.

She had tried to gather her thoughts. Her mind jumped back to what had happened earlier. Martin had seen someone coming down the hallway and yanked open the door.

Then she had heard his voice. She had never been so happy to hear him. She used to dread hearing it. Now, even before all this, she had not found it so bad. She had seen chinks through his armour and he, for whatever reason was letting her. 

She couldn't hear what he had said, just his tone-calm, defiant, worried. A voice in her brain had been shouting for help. _'Help me Robert! Please, help me!'_

The blast of the shot had rung through her brain and she had immediately moved forward, stopped short by the pain in her stomach.

__

If you've hurt him...

She didn't know if he had been hit. The police would be coming. Two surgeons down? The hospital barely had enough left.

'Just how long do you intend on keeping us here Martin?' she heard herself ask suddenly, trying to ignore the shooting pain in her side.

Martin stood up suddenly and stalked over to his wife.

'Its up to her how long we stay. If she says she loves me, we go.'

Sarah looked up wide-eyed. As easy as that?

'I love you!' said Sarah, chokingly.

'You don't mean it!' screamed Martin and went back to the door.

'You can't keep us in here forever!' cried Sarah.

'Who has the gun here Sarah? Hm? It's not Jack that's for sure though he did take everything else from me. I'll decide. I'm a manager, I'm good at that. I decide who goes and stays and when.'

'They know we're in here and they'll have the police,' said Elizabeth, holding her head, 'you can keep us in here, that's fine. But the little girl needs treatment. She needs a transplant or she will die!'

Mrs Graham let out a gulping sob and Elizabeth regretted her words. But she had to let him know, make him understand. 

'I repeat, doc, who has THE GUN!' shouted Martin.

Then, the phone rang.


	9. Romano, Chief of Staff

Disclaimeroony: *affects President Clintonesque accent* I did not have ownership relations with that popular TV drama. 

Oh it just keeps coming doesn't it? Surprising me too, I can tell you. Now I'm no expert on police procedures here or in America so I'm guessing and cobbling things together from films and TV. I also don't know if they'd be allowed to keep the OR open but I'm going with dramatic license here.

Be patient if you think I'm stretching it out. Next chapter will be getting into some talking and R & E might actually converse!

Review, review, shout, complain, air controversial political ideas, declare your love etc, etc.

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There were more police in the OR than the entirety of Chicago, thought Robert grimly as another stream of uniforms passed him. The surgery on Mr Keeler, the man with the neck wound, was almost over. He had hovered in the room, blasting out orders and detailing treatment to the two surgeons, who had ignored him or merely muttered 'yes Dr Romano.'

Oh they could be cutting and withering now of course. He was Samson and that dear old helicopter was his Delilah. He allowed himself a smirk at the analogy, seeing as Samson too had no hair. They could be patronising because they felt pleased his strength had gone. The only person who wasn't, was her...

The police had turned up halfway through and Shirley had dashed in to tell him. He was still Chief of Staff of course. Samson still had a comb-over.

Orders, priorities and protocol had been bandied about like pinball's, as the gurney was replaced with a proper cordon and police behind shields. The SWAT team was in evidence, heavyset men behind yards of black uniform, helmets and masks.

A woman with short blond hair in her forties was holding a phone to her ear at the nurse's station, surrounded by a few worried looking officers. Her jacket said 'Negotiator'. She put the phone down and shook her head at the surrounding officers. 

'Give it a minute and we'll try again,' she said in a world-weary voice, 'get him used to the idea we're out here.'

Detective Franks, who had introduced himself, as 'in charge' was a tall, man with a thick moustache. He wanted to evacuate the entire OR floor, but Robert was standing his ground.

'I don't care if its unsafe, what's worse is leaving a county hospital without a functioning OR. Non urgent cases that's fine, but you want me to deal with the urgent ones where exactly? In the maternity wards?' he demanded, drawing himself up to face this man who was at least a foot taller.

'Send them elsewhere-' began Detective Franks.

'No if we do that, we'll have to shut down the ER to all trauma, do you know what'll happen with the amount of other hospitals we do not have?'

'Well-'

'Didn't think so. No-one has our facilities or expertise now if you want some jerk who jack-knifes his car, then can't be brought here for treatment and ends up paralysed to sue the city and remove that lovely Christmas bonus of yours then fine, but personally that's not so appealing!'

Detective Franks, pursed his lips and waited for Robert to finish, looking every inch a man dealing with a persistent and rather loud terrier.

'Okay Dr Romano, you want it to stay open fine, on your own head be it and it will be if this thing gets investigated afterwards. I'm going to deal with the madman shooter that your security let through!'

He strode of quickly, to avoid any more argument.

'Jerk!' muttered Robert.

'Yeah,' said Shirley, wryly, 'so all the non-urgent cases are to go?'

Robert still in COS mode began to organise and fire out orders.

'If they can,' said Robert, beginning to walk down the corridor, away from the heady chaos and towards his office, 'non-urgent out or elsewhere if they still need treatment. We are closed to major trauma's no multi-car pile-ups, plane crashes, mass shootings etc, etc. Every single surgeon on the rota is to be here, and nowhere but.'

'Anspaughs been looking for you.'

'Well he can carry on looking, I'm going to be non-existent for a while.'

He told her to get him in five minutes, then entered the cool security of his office. He closed the door and everything muffled behind him. He realised he was still wearing his scrub cap and pulled it off. He was still in his scrubs, but they seemed appropriate. Scrubs meant surgery meant life. He walked over the couch and sat down with a long sigh. 

His head, so clear a minute ago, clouded suddenly and began to ache. His arm, he noticed, was beginning to do a little protest dance of its own. He sighed again and moved to his desk, pulling a drawer, which contained papers and a bottle of painkillers. He swallowed a couple, then tossed the bottle onto the table, where it fell over and spilled some of its contents. Robert just stared at the little white pills, trailing across the glass.

He closed his eyes and drew her in his head. It was a game he liked to play sometimes, drawing her face then her body from top to toe. He had studied her from every angle for so long that it was easy to do. Today her drew her as on her day off, dressed in white T-short and jeans, smiling in a sunny park.

The image suddenly became corrupted, and the T-shirt stained with blood, she lay on the floor, her eyes open and glassy. His own eyes flew open, moist suddenly.

Come on Rocket, don't go there she's still alive remember. '...I've got a doctor in here to take care of them...' Oh and you're going to trust a madman with a gun, why exactly?

Move on. The others. There were other patients. Mr Keeler would be fine, who else had been in there? Shirley had told the detective. A Jack Marshall and his girlfriend, Sarah. Jane Graham, of course, and her mother. The Graham kid! The transplant! She was not going to be doing well. He groaned. Elizabeth would be trying her best, but without the right stuff, how long could she keep her alive?

Something kicked his brain.

Kid. Ella. Damn! 

He stood up suddenly, a renewed sense of purpose in him and went to sit behind his desk grabbing the phone.

He pulled open a drawer and grabbed a book with all the contact details of the hospitals surgeons. He liked to have it, in case they were late or didn't show for any reason, so he could ring and shout at them personally.

There was her number, and his fingers pressed the keys quickly. One ring, then another-hang on, what was the name of her nanny again? Julie, no, Karen, wait a minute, Kris-

'Hello, Dr Corday's house, her nanny speaking?'

He suddenly heard a shrieking laugh and a childish giggle, backed by the jingling music of a kid's TV show. His heart did a somersault.

'Uh, hi, this is...Dr Romano from county-' he began.

'Oh hi Dr Romano, Elizabeth's told me all about you.'

Has she indeed? How come you're not running for cover then?

'Uh, yeah, listen, Kris...I've got to tell you something and I want you to be calm about it.'

The last thing he needed was a hysterical girl screaming down the phone at him.

'Okay. What is it, what's going on?' her voice had taken an edgy tone.

He took a breath then explained as calmly and simply as he could manage what had happened. There was silence at the end of the phone and he wondered for a minute if she'd past out. But then he heard a couple of gulping breaths and she managed,

'Oh.'

'So, stay there and we'll contact you if anything happens. I mean, when this mess is sorted. I need you to stay with Ella,' he said.

I need you to protect that little girl, he thought. I wish I could. 

'Of course, of course I can. Only...I have my sister staying at the moment and she needs help with her kids. She isn't well. I'm kind of juggling things at the moment,' she said in a constrained voice, edging towards panic.

'Okay. Well just keep her as long as you can and I promise I will get back to you. I'll sort something.'

He replaced the phone feeling slightly better. At least he had done something to help her, even if it was only temporary. Now you have to find someone to take care of the kid. What about her parents? Oh splendid idea, get Mrs Astronut and her bickering hubby in here. You want to clear the chaos not invite more in, Rocket. 

The door flew open and Donald Anspaugh flung his head round looking pale and jowly.

'There you are Dr Romano,' he growled, 'I've been looking all over for you.'

'Well as you can see we've had a little bit of a situation on our hands,' said Robert, coldly, 'seeing as I'm in charge I thought I'd, y'know, try to sort it.'

'Don't start Robert,' said Anspaugh, forcefully, 'this is bad for everyone, not just you. I was going to discuss contingency measures but it looks like I'll have to sort those out alone. The police negotiator-she wants you.'


	10. Who's in charge?

Disclaimer: Did you know that ER was inspired by a British drama called Casualty? Well it was. Its still going as well, after something like twenty years so ER could be here a while yet. Oh, but its still not owned by me. 

See interesting read and a TV history lesson all in one place what more could you ask for?

Big thanks to my reviewers including Merrymime, Christina, sparky015 and everyone else. You peeps are lovely jubberly!

A/N: BIG dramatic license going on here. I don't know if this would really happen, but I figure that a bloke with hostages would probably get any request he asked for.

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Everyone in the room was focused on the ringing phone. Martin stared at it as if it might explode.

'You really had better answer that,' said Elizabeth, wearily, 'It'll be the police and they'll want to talk.'

She sat down heavily next to Jane Graham's bed. The pain she had been trying to block out was slowly making its way through her senses. She felt sick suddenly and bent over, breathing deeply. She heard Martin picked up the phone.

'Hello?' he said.

Elizabeth listened as Martin too was silent, and she imagined the negotiator asking him what he wanted, what he was doing, _why _he was doing this.

Her mind began free-wheeling. She saw old images of her childhood. Her school, her first boyfriend, an old interview, a scrap of an old sitcom. 

There's so much I won't do, she thought suddenly. In her frazzled mind she saw Ella, at her tenth birthday party, dressed up and laughing as she blew the candles out. But she wasn't there, she was gone... 

'You know something? I really don't like the police.' 

Martin's voice brought her back to reality, albeit a reality which was beginning to blur at the edges.

'You see I'm being investigated at the moment. I'll let you research that. My names Martin, Martin Peterson, by the way. We should be on first name terms shouldn't we? My wife is in here; she's called Sarah. Got that? Sarah Peterson. And then there's little Jane-is that her name? Yeah, Jane Graham and a doctor. British woman-Elizabeth Corday. That's everybody. I don't think I've missed anyone. Except Jack but he doesn't seem to mind.'

He paused again, and Elizabeth managed to raise her head to look at him. Her hair fell into her eyes and she pushed it away. Martin was grinning, looking happier than he had since he had so rudely entered their lives. 

He's enjoying this, she thought, he's gone past whatever score he wanted to settle and he's enjoying the power. The thought made her feel sick again and she ducked her head down.

A raw anger was building in her. How dare he do this to them, to her? How could he treat them like this over something so trivial?

But love isn't trivial Elizabeth, said another voice in her head. She wanted to laugh. Now she was hearing voices. She was arguing with herself. 

She looked backwards at her chest. Blood had seeped through and was blossoming like a red rose on the white of the bandages. How beautiful, she thought. 

'Where was I?' Martin said, 'Oh yes. Fraud, that's what you called it, fraudulent business practices. And my wife's having an affair with my best friend-oops! My ex-best friend. Never rains but it pours huh? Gotta be more than one thing to make me go nuts huh? Trouble is I'm feeling very sane right now.' 

He looked around the room and gazed at Sarah, then he locked eyes with Elizabeth. A smile played at the corners of his mouth.

'Okay, shush now. Yvonne-you said that was your name right? -I'm hearing what you're saying. You just want to _talk_, to_ listen_, but I know the tricks you guys use.

I want someone who doesn't. In fact, I'm making my first request. I want to talk to someone of my choosing or-bang, bang. Who...let me think. I know...that doc who I saw earlier...what was his name?'

'Dr Romano.'

Elizabeth said the words without even thinking. She had closed her eyes but kept alert and peered briefly up at Martin.

'That's his name, but I wouldn't advise you speak to him,' she continued, her voice sounding distant in her head.

Martin let a tight grin pass across his lips.

'Right then. Dr Romano it is.'

He put the phone down sharply, then turned to look at them all. He gave a small chuckle.

'They have all the tricks and all the strategies, but I won't let them control me.'

'Do you really want to talk to him?' Elizabeth managed.

'Maybe. But they'll do whatever I want now it seems,' said Martin.

'Martin, they were going to drop those charges,' said Sarah quietly, looking up at him.

He laughed again and played with the gun, staring at it.

'No they weren't darling. I just told you that because...hah...because I didn't want you to worry. Didn't want to hurt you. No, I was going down. I was stupid. Thought no one would notice a few dollars here and there. I wanted give you everything you ever wanted. Turns out I was wrong on both counts.'

The room went silent again. 

'Dr Corday?'

It was Sarah. She got to her feet, looking at Martin, who opened his mouth. 

'I'm not going to do anything Martin,' she said scornfully, 'I'm just going to talk to her. She's been shot in case you didn't notice.'

She walked over and stood next to her.

'Is there anything I can do?' she asked.

Elizabeth shook herself and tried to stand but failed. She pointed to a box.

'Pain relief,' she said, simply.

Sarah passed her the box and Elizabeth, with shaking hands administered an injection to herself.

'That girl okay?' whispered Sarah. 

Elizabeth looked up at Jane Graham and her mother. Mrs Graham was holding her child and staring blankly at Martin. Jane was still awake and humming a tune Elizabeth recognised from a kid's TV show Ella watched. 

Elizabeth stood up, using the bed for support and checked her vitals. She may not have looked that bad, but her vitals were falling. Her pulse was becoming weak and her skin growing ever more jaundice. She stared vacantly at a spot on the wall. Mrs Graham looked at Elizabeth.

'She's getting worse,' whispered Mrs Graham.

She knew. Elizabeth opened her mouth to say something comforting, moved her hands to try something else, but suddenly realised there was nothing else she could do.

She closed her mouth and sat back down. Mrs Graham's stare was penetrating and Elizabeth looked away.

'Wh... what are you going to do?' asked Mrs Graham, suddenly.

Elizabeth darted her eyes back, but Mrs Graham wasn't looking at her anymore. She had her eyes fixed on Martin.

'You going to keep us all here just so your...wife, who's run off with someone else can see how much you love her?'

Her voice dripped with hatred and venom. Elizabeth could see the panic and anger fighting inside her. She was clutching Jane so hard, Elizabeth worried she might be hurting the girl.

'Mommy you're hurting me!' said Jane.

'Mrs Graham?' said Elizabeth, warningly.

'I don't remember asking you anything, bitch,' Martin said, in a low, steady voice, 'we will stay here as long as I say. Keep talking, you might never leave.'

Mrs Graham let out the bark of a laugh.

'My husband left when Jane was five,' she spat, 'I got over it, you should to. If you kill my daughter, I swear, I will kill you!'

She clutched her daughter tighter.

'Mommy, please!' 

Jane let out a small, but plaintive cry. Mrs Graham looked down as if she had forgotten Jane was there and then loosened her grip. She pushed Jane's hair away from her face.

'Its okay, its okay, Mommy's here, everything's going to be just fine I promise you,' she said, softly.

Elizabeth blinked and rested her head against Jane's bed. Just fine, she thought, with Robert negotiating? I should be worried. But strangely enough, right at that moment, she felt perfectly calm. 

How was that? Was that okay? I won't put the next bit up unless people are okay with this bit, so tell me what you think.


	11. Please hold the line

Disclaimer: I did own this show once. Then Michael Critchon abducted my cat and threatened to kill it if I didn't hand the idea over. Bastard. Hence no longer mine. Things would have turned out very differently if I still owned it.

A/N: *Keanu Reeves voice***** Woah! Cheers for the reviews peeps! Sorry about holding back this next chapter. It was a case of writers worry. Like writers block only a lot more common! But I am over it now and the story continues. For all my loyal readers and reviewers I give you-the next chapter. 

(There's a couple of swear words in this one-just a warning) 

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'You want me to_ what_?'

Robert was standing by the nurse's desk, staring in utter disbelief at the negotiator, Yvonne Brown. 

'Martin-'

'The psycho?'

'The subject, yes, has requested that you-'

'Talk with him, right, I got that. What I'm stuck on here is the fact you agreed to this.'

Yvonne rubbed her brow and flexed her fingers. Robert got the feeling that, although she was a trained negotiator, she was using all her self-restraint to stop her from smacking him. He didn't mind, he was used to people doing that. 

Detective Franks joined them and exchanged a look of raised eyebrows with Yvonne.

'Going to be a long one is it Brown?' he asked.

''Fraid so. I should have known, it's a full moon out, the nuts all rise to the surface. I was just trying to explain our predicament to Dr Romano here. He's having a little trouble with it.'

Detective Franks turned to Robert and gave him a tight, tired smile.

'Trouble?' he asked.

Robert leaned on the desk and sighed.

'There is no trouble,' he said, shooting a venomous look at Yvonne, 'I'm just wondering if its police policy to ask an un-trained individual, especially one with an entire hospital to run in a crisis, to negotiate with a man a couple of sugar lumps short of a bowl!?'

Detective Franks gave a small chuckle, then looked Robert square in the eye.

'At this point, yes,' said Detective Franks, 'get on the phone. I'm going to deal with the press.'

He sounded cheerful as he quickly walked away.

'Rock and hard place? I'm taking the rock,' he muttered.

Robert watched him leave and felt that his position of defence was slowly crumbling. 

He would have liked nothing better than to get on the phone and tell that bastard exactly what he was. He also knew that would be the least helpful thing he _could_ do. He would have to be calm, considerate, nice even. He felt sick just thinking about it. 

'Dr Romano, this man is disturbed-' Yvonne began.

'Y'think?' he interjected.

'-and he has a gun and he has hostages including a small girl and one of your doctors. He has all the cards Dr Romano and he knows how to play them. He's not dumb and he's certainly not entirely deranged-'

'Well we'll agree to disagree on that one.'

'-so I agreed to his request. I will be listening the whole time and will help you with your responses. This is more common than people think, many subjects prefer to talk to someone they know.'

'I guess his mother is out of the question?'

'She's dead,' said Yvonne bluntly, 'Dr Romano, I am not going to argue with you. I understand you are worried, frightened even-'

Robert snorted and snatched the phone off her.

'I am a lot of things, Miss Brown, frightened is not one of them.'

That was a lie. He was terrified. One wrong word and it could spell the end for all of them, including Elizabeth. He wasn't exactly diplomacies poster boy. What were they thinking?

'Okay Dr Romano, just talk normally, listen mostly, these guys usually like the sound of their own voices and most importantly, listen to me!'

Yvonne fixed him with a steely glare worthy of himself, then nodded to an officer. 

'Lets ring him.'

Robert sat down on a waiting chair and listened to the phone ring. Once, twice, then on the third try,

'Hello?'

The voice was well educated, but harsh and invested with a large hint of glee. His only image of the man was a gun barrel aimed at him from a doorway. It seemed appropriate.

'Martin, we've got who you asked for. I'm going to put him on now.'

Yvonne flicked a switch and nodded to Robert. He swallowed and fixed his eyes on a pile of charts abandoned on the desk.

'Hello?'

'Is that Dr Romano?'

'Yeah, it is.'

'Really?'

'Really. Believe me I'm wishing it wasn't.'

He glanced at Yvonne for a sign he was doing what he should. She gave him a small nod and mouthed 'keep going'

'Well hi there doc. My names Martin.'

'I know.'

'You do? What else do you know about me?'

'Not much. You're a man with some...issues. You also have four hostages including a sick girl and a member of my staff. What do you know about me?'

This question seemed to catch Martin of guard and he paused. Yvonne flicked Robert a warning look, and he felt his stomach lurch. Keep it neutral, just listen, he reminded himself.

'Not much either. You're in charge around here. And your Dr Corday feels maybe you're not the best man for this little conversation.'

'She's right,' replied Robert honestly.

His Dr Corday. So she was alive anyway. He'd never doubted that had he?

'Hear that honey? He thinks you're right. She's smiling. Well I think she is anyway. You must be pretty concerned about her? I can understand why, she's beautiful.'

'I'm concerned about all of them,' said Robert.

His throat was beginning to feel very dry even though he had not said much. A small well of panic was starting to build deep down in him. That didn't happen often. 

He remembered it happening when Lucy had been stabbed and they had struggled in vain to help. 

It had happened when that gunman-that other gunman-had been rampaging around because he was mad at Greene. 

And of course it had happened when he had that personal encounter with a rotor blade. On cue, his arm twinged.

'Get confirmation of their status,' whispered Yvonne.

'Martin, I know we've only just got acquainted and everything but I would like you to do me a little favour,' said Robert, matter-of-factly.

'You mean the police do,' said Martin.

They were right, this guy was too sane.

'Okay. Honestly yes. But you've got to cut me a bit of slack here, I'm a novice. I've negotiated workers contracts before but they didn't normally have firearms. Well, not always.'

Martin gave a sharp laugh.

'That's good doc. You're not as scared as the others. You hate me and you're not afraid to say it.'

Robert had a thousand biting remarks on his tongue, the top of which was whole-hearted agreement and he had to hold himself back from using them. Yvonne was staring fixedly at him.

'Keep calm,' she said.

'Martin. I...they...we, that is me and the police, need to know that all the hostages are okay?'

'I had a feeling they might. They're fine. Everyone is fine. Okay?'

Yvonne shook her head. It wasn't enough, but Robert had to be careful. He felt like a tightrope walker with serious vertigo. Why am I doing this? he thought, I am not the man to be doing this!

'I believe Martin,' he said, 'you have no reason to lie. But it's not enough for them. And they have firearms too. Very near me in fact. If you let me talk to one of them-'

'I said they're okay!' snarled Martin, 'although they may not remain so.'

Robert was fighting every urge to tell this prick to get over it, but he closed his eyes and concentrated.

'Martin,' he said, 'just let me talk to one of them. Just for a minute and then we can get on. Come on, if they are all fine you have nothing to fear and there is no way they can pass any information onto me, you'll be right there.'

Martin paused. Robert was sure he could hear him cocking the gun, but the next minute Martin said,

'Okay. One person. Someone reliable.'

There was a grunt, some muffled conversation and the creak of plastic as the phone was handed over.

'Robert?'

It was Elizabeth. His legs would have buckled if he had not been sitting down. As it was he grasped the desk and let out a gasp. Who would have thought one single word could have made his entire world leap? Every time she spoke his name it was like magic but now, here at this time it was relief and happiness in one crashing wave.

'Oh...oh God Lizzie, you have no idea how pleased I am to hear you.'

'Ditto,' she said, letting out a small laugh.

She sounds odd, he thought, distant, weak.

'Robert...the...you want to hear how everyone is?' she said in a professional manner, 'Sarah is fine, shock that's all. Mrs Graham is also unhurt although I'm worried about her mental state. Jane...I..I've done everything I can but she can't manage for much longer. She needs that transplant.' 

'Right,' he said, 'that's, well, that's better than I expected. And you?'

A pause. A pause that lasted forever, time stretched into a line of white. 

'Elizabeth?' he managed.

'Robert...I've been shot.'


	12. Fair Exchange I

Disclaimer: I like these. I don't know why. ER is owned by WB and all those other corporate bodies-until of course we storm the building and steal it and the actors and the sets and make the show we want to see. Of course that would mostly involve various characters getting it on, but hey that's what the people want! Vive La Revolution!

A/N: Many thanks to my reviewers-special shout to Rainbow345uk for keeping the British end up as it were. Welcome to all newcomers. May you continue to return for some high drama and emotional pummelling.

This chapter is from Roberts POV then the next will be from Elizabeth's covering the same conversation from her end. So pay attention.

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'Robert, did you hear me?'

Robert was staring hard at a coffee stain on the desk. Yes, he had heard her. He was just wishing he hadn't. She had been shot. Elizabeth was shot. He ran the words around his head, trying to make them both disappear and become more real at the same time. She was injured, she was in pain and there was nothing he could do. His eyes felt hot and he drew a hand over them quickly. He wanted to throw the phone down, shout 'to hell with it all' and rush into that room to carry her away from...everything.

It was a miracle he didn't. Something pink flashed in front of his eyes. He blinked and looked up. Yvonne Brown was waving a hand in front of him and staring in confusion. Where he was came back to him in a rush.

'How...I mean...where?' he asked, struggling to keep calm.

Elizabeth explained in bland, medical terms and he could tell she was doing so for her own sake as well as his.

'...it's not that bad,' she finished, 'Well not as bad as the dead man here anyway.'

He smiled. Now she was making jokes? Ever the optimist. He tried to think of something he could say, something perfect to re-assure her.

'Don't worry Lizzie, I'll get you through this I promise. I'll get you out of there.'

It was weak and stupid and not altogether true, but it was all he could think of to say. 

'I know,' she breathed, 'but...take care of Ella, won't you?'

The words came out in a rush and a flash of emotion choked her voice. 

'Oh...of course,' he said, shocked, 'of course I will. But I won't have to. You'll be here.'

He heard nothing but her breathing for a moment, then another screech of tortured plastic and Martin's hissing voice was back.

'So you heard, you wept-are you and the cops satisfied?' he said.

'Yeah I think we got what we needed,' said Robert, quietly.

'Hey what's wrong with you doc? You all cut up about the little girl in peril? Or is it our beautiful doctor here?'

His voice suddenly became panicked.

'I didn't mean to shoot her you know? I just went for Jack. Sarah tried to play hero and knocked my hand. Your doctor just got in the way. It wasn't me, you understand? I never would have...'

He trailed off and Robert looked at Yvonne for a sign of what to do next. She raised a finger to her lips. Just listen.

'But that doesn't mean I won't,' said Martin, realising he was losing his edge, 'if anyone comes anywhere near, someone dies and seeing as your docs already on the way out I might start with her.'

Robert clenched his fist and murmured,

'Martin if she dies, no gun, no cop, no prison...will save you from me.'

Yvonne's eyes widened.

'Keep neutral!' she hissed.

Robert closed his eyes briefly and looked away. That had been a misjudgement, but he couldn't help it. Just the thought of Elizabeth in pain and needing help had made him angry beyond words. And he had meant it. Every word.

'Tut, tut doc,' said Martin, 'you need to be detached in this business. Don't get emotional.'

'Well like I said, I'm a novice at this. I'm entitled to make a few mistakes,' answered Robert.

'One mistake,' said Martin, 'I'll let that one go, but as I have to keep reminding people, _I_ am the one with the gun.'

Robert kept silent. 

'No comeback? Good. We're back on track. Now then, what's next? Oh yes, the 'what do I want' question. Well I suppose the answer is what can I have? Can I get the police off my back? Have them drop the charges?'

Robert looked at Yvonne. She nodded.

'Sure, why not. A few fraud charges aren't exactly major crimes,' Robert answered, 'anything else?'

'A new car, a new house...lets live the American dream. Of course I'll need a way away from here. A ticket out. Me and Sarah. Together.'

'I think those are all things we can take care of-'

'But you know what? I want money first. Like a goodwill present. I want, say, fifty thousand in un-marked notes. In here in one hour.'

Robert again looked at Yvonne. 

'Tell him we'll do it, but we need something in return. One of the hostages,' she said.

'I'm getting a thumbs up this end Martin,' said Robert, trying to sound relaxed, 'but they have this idea, to have a hostage come out in return. I say it sounds fair.'

'You would. One hostage yeah? And as soon as I open those doors, ten ton of SWAT comes barrelling in and takes me out? I'm not loving that idea,' chuckled Martin.

Suddenly Robert heard a muffled voice in the background and Martin shouted away from the phone.

'Hey get back! I didn't ask you're opinion! I said sit down!'

The muffled voice continued and then another voice cut in as well. Robert was almost sure one of them was Elizabeth.

'Scuse me doc,' grunted Martin.

And he hung up.

'Martin? Wait! Martin!'

But he was gone. In frustration, Robert slammed down the phone. 

'What the hell is going on?' he growled.

Yvonne removed her headphones and sighed.

'I hope no-ones trying to be a hero,' she said.

Everyone fell silent and as one turned to look at the corridor. The SWAT team was standing ready. Robert gripped his arm as it suddenly spasmed with pain. They waited for the phone to ring.

Bwahahahaha! I am the queen of cliffhangers! Sorry sparky015 but the cliffhangers continue-just don't have a heart attack 'kay?


	13. Fair Exchange II

Disclaimed: Now I know you don't want to hear this. You do? Okay, not mine, never has been, I am merely borrowing the characters for a small flight of fantasy.

A/N: Slight lap over back to end of chapter 11 then through chapter 12 and along a bit further. Elizabeth's POV. Like I said, she probably would have past out long ago, but this is my story so *shrug* Her minds saying funny things though. And I have tried less of a cliffhanger. Honestly.

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The idea of Robert negotiating made her giggle again, as she thought of it. She was really beginning to lose it. The painkillers were definitely wearing off, but the pain was so great that it had gone past her senses and it was now her whole world.

Her eyes were closed and she could hear Jane's breathing, shallow and laboured. Mrs Graham was singing to her very softly, an old tune which Elizabeth remembered her father singing to her once.

Mum and Dad. They were in her mind now. She would miss them. A part of her raised its eyebrows. Oh yes you would, she thought. They had brought her up, loved her and given her everything she had ever wanted. She loved them too, most of the time. She suddenly felt like a little girl again, wanting her Daddy to hug her and make the darkness go away.

'You mean the police do,' said Martin's voice interrupting her thoughts.

Martin was enjoying this. He seemed to have forgotten about Sarah or the Graham's or her. His initial reason for coming seemed to have been pushed aside as he revelled in power. Well if your talking about revelling in power Robert should be the one to butt heads with.

He enjoyed it, used to his advantage sometimes, but patient care always came first. He may not have cared much for them awake, but he never treated his patients like pieces of meat the way some other surgeons did. Had he always been like that? He's softened a bit since she'd known him. That's your influence. That voice was back again.

'That's good doc. You're not as scared as the others are. You hate me and you're not afraid to say it.'

That sounded like Robert. She prayed he would control his temper. Then again, he would never do anything to put her at risk would he? But you're in here Elizabeth and that's enough to make him angry.

'I had a feeling they might. They're fine. Everyone is fine. Okay?'

You'd miss him. The thought struck her unawares. She wondered if the voice was her unconscious suddenly given leave by her weakened state to say what it pleased. 

Oh but you would, it said, you stopped hating him long ago. He's done some horrid stuff to you and others over the years but he's changed. He's had to. You'd miss the banter, the conversations, the help, and the push to succeed. He really cares about you. And you care about him.

'Hey you there! Doc?'

She opened her eyes and waited as everything slid into blurry focus. A sideways Martin, waved his gun-holding hand at her.

'Over here,' he said.

She lifted her head, then got up unsteadily and fell against the bed where Jack still lay. 

'Martin, she's not well-' protested Sarah.

But he silenced her with an angry glare. 

'Help her,' he said.

She felt small yet strong arms help her up and willed her feet to walk the few steps to the phone. Martin thrust it into her hand and shoved her down onto the chair he had been using.

'Remember beautiful, I'm right here. Tell them how everyone is, that's it,' he whispered in her ear.

She took a couple of breaths then,

'Robert?'

Silence, then,

'Oh...oh God Lizzie, you have no idea how pleased I am to hear you.'

She suppressed a gasp. It was him. No pretender. She heard the relief in his voice and felt it encompass her as well.

'Ditto,' she said, vaguely.

She took a deep breath and began to recite everyone's medical states. Her doctor brain took over for a while.

'Right,' he said, when she had finished, 'that's, well, that's better than I expected. And you?'

Concern was clear, although he was trying to stay calm. All of a sudden she didn't know what to say. She didn't want to tell him. It would hurt him.

'Elizabeth?'

Say something, say something...

'Robert...I've been shot.'

Silence. Laboured breathing. 

'Robert did you hear me?' she breathed.

She'd hurt him. She'd never really known how to do that before, although she had tried many a time. Suddenly it was obvious. It had happened before when she had dated Peter and then Mark. Take herself away from him and then hurt herself. Mentally, physically, he can't bear to see you suffer, said the voice. 

He asked where she had been shot and she explained again in bland medical terms.

'...not as bad as the dead man anyway,' she joked.

'Don't worry Lizzie, I'll get you through this I promise. I'll get you out of there,' he said.

God, I wish that was true, she thought. Suddenly she felt like crying. But she bit back tears. 

'I know,' she replied truthfully, and suddenly Ella flashed into her mind and she asked him to take care of her.

Robert? Take care of Ella? Surely someone else...but her parents? No, she couldn't inflict them on her. He was the most logical choice. To whom? Must be the lack of blood talking.

'Oh...of course,' he said, shocked, 'of course I will. But I won't have to. You'll be here.'

He sounded so sure, she nearly believed him. But the massive pain pounding around her, was determined to prove otherwise. Before she could think of anything to reply, Martin had grabbed the phone off her and dragged her off the seat. She felt Sarah's arms again and sank back next to Jane's bed.

'Thank you,' she murmured.

'I'm sorry,' whispered Sarah.

'Not your fault.'

'How do you feel?'

'Never thought anything would hurt more than giving birth,' she said, 'I was wrong.'

'Can I get you some more of those painkillers?' Sarah asked.

'No. No too much...bad...need a clear head anyway,' sighed Elizabeth.

'...someone dies and seeing as your docs already on the way out I might start with her.'

Both she and Sarah looked up at Martin. His face seemed to freeze for a moment and he blinked a couple of times then swallowed and regained himself saying,

'Tut, tut doc, you need to be detached in this business. Don't get emotional.'

What was it? What had Robert said? She felt dizzy suddenly and closed her eyes leaning on Jane's bed.

'Dr Corday?'

It was Mrs Graham. Elizabeth twisted her head round. Jane was now unconscious, he skin a horrible yellow and mind-numbingly still.

'Dr Corday, is there anything...anything...'

Elizabeth shook her head, feeling the tears mount again.

'No. I'm so sorry, there isn't. She needs to be out of here.'

Martin's voice blathered in the background. 

'...of course I'll need a way away from here. A ticket out. Me and Sarah. Together.'

A surge of hatred coursed through her and she felt sick. She grabbed a basin and threw up. Oh well, it was about time, she thought hazily.

'You would. One hostage yeah? And as soon as I open those doors, ten ton of SWAT comes barrelling in and takes me out? I'm not loving that idea,' chuckled Martin.

'You let my daughter out now, you asshole!'

Mrs Graham let her daughter fall back onto the bed and stood up. Instinctively Martin raised his gun.

'Hey get back! I didn't ask you're opinion! I said sit down!' he shouted.

Elizabeth wiped her mouth and looked from one to the other. No time to be a hero again, Elizabeth, she thought.

'Such a big Martin, such a big man!' gulped Mrs Graham, moving a couple of steps forward, 'going to kill a my little girl?'

'Mrs Graham, don't. He's not worth it,' Elizabeth said, wearily.

Mrs Graham stared at her in a daze. Elizabeth turned to Martin.

'Although she has a point.'

Martin grimaced.

'Scuse me doc,' grunted Martin into the phone and hung up.

Well now he'll really be mad, though Elizabeth.

'What is it with you two? Got a death wish?' he said, facing them head on. 

Mrs Graham gave out a choking laugh. She moved forward a bit more and Sarah was up and in front of her, holding her arms.

'Mrs Graham, listen to the doctor. He isn't worth it and this won't help,' she said levelly, 'What's your name anyway?'

Mrs Graham looked at Sarah as if she had just popped into existence. She blinked and,

'Helen.'

'Hi Helen. That's my aunt's name. Jane looks really ill doesn't she? Maybe we should sit back down with her, she'll be wondering where you are.' said Sarah.

She would be an excellent doctor, thought Elizabeth. Then she thought, I'll be with Mark soon. 

But you don't want to be, said that voice, you want to stay here. 

Do I? Why? For Ella and for… 

How great a mother am I? Leaving her with nannies at all times of the day and night. Better off without me. 

She turned, swaying and saw Helen, back holding her child. Her sick child. She swung her head back to Martin, who had lowered his gun, but was shaking his head and darting his eyes around.

'Her point,' she said.

Martin looked sideways at her.

'Mrs Gra-Helen's point. Jane...is very very sick. She needs...transplant or she will die. You'll be a double murderer...and that will just about eclipse any fraud charges you had.'

Martin said nothing, it was almost as if he didn't take in that she was talking. She didn't move she couldn't if she wanted to, she just sat and talked. She felt so light headed and sort of drunk.

'They won't let you out of here...you'll be caught...ja-jailed. Maybe shot. Want...good books you could...let her and Helen...I mean, what loss is it to you? You'll still have me. Although there might be three deaths including me,' she said, nonchalantly.

'You're fine,' spat Martin.

Elizabeth shook her head, which made her feel sick again and she bent her head over into the dish once more. She placed it to one side.

'I....doctor...I know. I think...I think I'm dying, I've lost a....blood. But keep me and Sarah...let Jane and Helen go. Best for you. Come on Martin...please.'

She let out a little giggle and groggily felt out for Jane's hand. Small, cold and still.

'I'd say you have ten minutes to decide,' she said, 'then...'

See less cliffhangery. Well maybe a bit. Anyway I updated quick to torture you less. *runs away before people start pelting her with things*


	14. Now, to sleep

Disclaimer: Kum-by-ER ain't mine/Kum-by-ER/Kum-by-ER ain't mine/Kum-by-ER-ahem, thats enough of that.

A/N: Short and, well not sweet, more a bit sour. Still with Elizabeth, but we're getting near the climax of the stand-off. Question is who's going to end it? And how? 

Lots of thought in this chapter as Elizabeth slowly unravels. 

And yes it is a cliff-hanger. Come on, you know you love it really. 

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Now where was she? Oh yes. She was sitting on the floor with the smooth, cold wall behind her. Sarah was tied to a bed at right angles to her.

Elizabeth had her eyes closed and her head had fallen sideways on her shoulder. She wasn't trying to keep alert anymore; there wasn't any point. Jane and her mother were gone.

It had been touch and go. Martin looked from Elizabeth to Sarah to Helen and Jane and moved back to the phone excruciatingly slowly. In slow motion he had rung the police and agreed to let Jane and Helen go. 

With Helen wheeling her daughter's bed, Martin had stood in the doorway, out of sight of the SWAT team, but with his gun fixed on Helen's back. He was obviously worried about what Sarah might do, which is why she was tied to the bed. He didn't seem to feel she was a threat though and had simply thrown her to the floor and left her there. 

She was too weak to move. She felt her life force flowing out of her, not through her blood, but from her toes and her fingertips in an invisible stream.

She was dying, that was a fact and she doubted she had much time left. Ella and her parents were at the front of her mind, in looping films; caught in the happiest places she could remember them. And there was Mark.

She realised, a tad guiltily, that she had barely thought of Mark since all this had happened.

It was not that she did not still love him. She did. Even after all that happened with Rachel, when she was angry with him and they had lived apart, she had loved him because he was a wonderful person. Kind, thoughtful, hopelessly trying to do the right thing all the time. And he had given her Ella, the greatest present in the world. But after the initial happiness of finding that love and marrying him, she realised that it wasn't the love she expected. It was what she had wanted, yes, but not what she needed. She needed something else. 

The room was so quiet. After Helen and Jane had left, the phone had rung a few times, but Martin seemed to have settled into a stupor and had not answered it.

She wondered if Robert was still out there. Of course he is, said the voice, whilst you're in here he won't leave. What had she done all those years ago to get the man so hooked on her? She certainly hadn't encouraged him. 

Yes you _did_, said the voice. All those caustic conversations which you practically revelled in? You'd bait him as much as he baited you.

She heard a faint click and, with a great deal of effort, eased one eye open. Martin had picked up the phone and was calling someone. She swivelled her eye sideways to look at Sarah. The girl had her eyes focused on Jack's still and stiff body and was carefully moving her arms behind her. She was trying to break free. Elizabeth closed her eye.

Well good for her, she thought. Let her try. It won't help me, but maybe she'll find happiness. Without Jack.

'Hi again doc, it's me. I thought I could have a little chat before I go,' she heard Martin say, 'Whilst we wait. How's the money coming?'

He had decided to phone Robert again. She listened to the one side of the conversation and absently tried to wonder what was being said on the other side. 

'Good, good. I suppose I should get details about how we're getting away? Mmm? Shouldn't I Sarah? That's my girl. But I just wanted to tell you something first. I know you probably think I'm a nut, that I have no reason to do what I did but I do.'

This should be good. Wait-he did have a reason. His wife cheated on him with his best friend. 

So? Happens all the time. Everyday. People fall in and out of love all the time. Nothing special about that. 

'You ever been in love doc? I mean real love, real gut-wrenching, mind-bending love when you can't understand why or how but one person has you whole?'

Pause.

'Really?' (disbelief) 'Who was she?'

Another pause. Who? Who was she? Robert in love. Real love? Talking to Robert about love, now there's a joke. 

No it's not, said the voice. 

Why? 

Because he loves you, Elizabeth. He loves _you._ If we're talking unrequited love here...

'What happened? She run off with someone else? They always do. You always end up alone. I mean Sarah left me for Jack and now...Jack's gone from her. That kids Mom; her husbands gone and...hey Dr Corday what about you? You been married, in love?'

'He died,' she murmured.

'What? Oh she's gone quiet over there. Always-'

Her ears suddenly gave out. She went deaf and she was left alone in a quiet world of her own slow pulse pounding in her ears, her shallow breathing and her buzzing mind.

Robert loves me? That's obvious. It's been obvious for ages, you just haven't admitted it to yourself, said the voice. But he's _Robert_. _Robert Romano_, for God's sake, have we forgotten this? 

I could never...I mean, I don't...what is love anyway but a few chemical reactions in the brain? 

In the heart.

Someone hold me, it's cold here. 

I can't do this.

It wouldn't make a difference if you didn't care so much. 

Get out of my head.

Loves you.

I'm too tired. 

It would be nice to sleep now. After everything, it would be very nice just to go to sleep.


	15. ER The whole world looking in

Disclaimer: Borrowed not stolen. Don't sue me, I'm a student and the most you could get out of me is twenty pairs of jeans, a Teletubbie doll and a lava lamp. Yes I actually do have a lava lamp. Well in fact it's a glitter lamp but it's by the original firm who make them, Mathmos. Sorry, went off it there.

A/N: Susan is back! This is a bit of a funny chapter, but I'm trying to keep it rounded by showing how this is effecting everybody. Also Kerry and Susan appear later, so its a bit of a set up chapter. Imagine this happening whilst the chapter 16 and 17 are going on upstairs okay?

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The ER had calmed down somewhat, at least as far patients were concerned. The press were still milling about as close as the police cordon would allow in the ambulance bay.

Above, the thunk, thunk, of a press helicopter flew back and forth across the clear sky. 

It was Autumn and the clear night meant cold breath froze into silvery sheets in the air.

The ER team, doctors and nurses had all worked in a kind of silent shock since Kerry Weaver's announcement. It had stemmed, but not stopped, the rumours about what was going on upstairs. 

The lack of traumas had also encouraged gossiping, as the staff performed routine, even boring procedures.

Susan was sitting in curtain one, irrigating and then stitching a finger laceration. The large Hispanic man, whose finger it was, was talking good naturedly about his restaurant.

'-course people like the fancy dishes, French and that and I don't mind making 'em, but personally when I'm at home I like it simple, y'know, good food.'

Susan, lost in her own thoughts, said nothing.

'Er, doc? Doc?'

Susan shook her head and looked at him blankly.

'I'm sorry, am I hurting you?' she asked.

'No, no, you're doing great and I've cut my finger loads so I should know. You seem distracted, is it...is it what all the cops are here for?'

Susan nodded and continued her stitches.

'Something like that,' she said.

'I heard it was some mad gun man, is that right?'

'Yeah, but its all under control.' 

She finished the stitches.

'I'll get a nurse to cover it for you,' she said, pulling off her gloves and standing up.

'Hey doc, I'm sorry,' called the man as she walked away.

'What for?' 

'The questions. And for the people. I guess people you know are involved. I'm sorry.'

Susan smiled.

'Thanks,' she said.

She dropped off her chart and headed quickly outside, but not before a quick chat with Abby. Abby informed her that Luka had arrived, along with Yosh and Gallant should be on soon too. Chen, Haleh, Jerry and Carter had apparently split to Doc Magoo's and she was going to join them as soon as her shift finished. No-one felt like going home.

Susan watched the swarming jumble of cameras and lights and people caught behind the police cordon.

'Like vultures,' said a voice behind her.

She turned. Carter, a giant jacket over his usual attire, was perched on a bin.

'I thought you went over to Magoo's?' said Susan, walking over to join him.

'I was going to. I don't know. Guess I couldn't face swapping stories of being attacked in your workplace with the others. Chen still can't believe it.'

'Oh yeah! That guy with the gun!' said Susan suddenly remembering, 'I can't believe I didn't remember that! God where is my mind?'

'I don't think anyone's going home this evening,' said Carter, staring ahead.

'No. I know I won't be. Weaver just had to tell Luka and Yosh what's gone on. I do not envy her,' answered Susan. 

They stared at the group of feverish journalists and watched the cloud of steam rising above them. Susan shivered. Carter scooched over and wrapped an arm round her. Susan knew Carter was taking this personally. She remembered the phone call she'd received after that day, the day after Lucy died. Stabbed. In a place you thought was safe. She couldn't imagine how he was feeling. Nor Elizabeth. Or even Dr Romano.

'You know I'm actually worried about Dr Romano,' she said, suddenly.

Carter looked sideways at her and raised an eyebrow.

'I'm serious,' she said, 'have you noticed how we haven't heard anything about him yet? And he hasn't come down. He's up there dealing with this. And he was close to Elizabeth. Is. Is close.'

'Yeah I guess,' said Carter.

Susan suddenly saw a familiar face at the corner of the police cordon, talking to a policeman. It was Gallant. He was rummaging in his backpack, looking for his ID.

'Should we go over?' she said.

'Nah, they're letting him through, see?'

Gallant jogged over to him, confusion etched on his face.

'Dr Carter, Dr Lewis, what's happening? The police just said that there was a hostage situation.'

Carter and Susan looked at each other.

'Go straight in and talk to Weaver,' said Carter, 'she's knows the most.'

Gallant nodded, still puzzled and walked inside.

'Poor kid,' said Susan.

'Yeah. And I like him too. He shouldn't be scared so early on. He should be able to feel safe now we've got the metal detectors.' said Carter.

He shook his head.

'Wishful thinking,' he said, with a humourless laugh.

Susan sat for a while in the near dark, feeling the cold seep through her body. We're with you Elizabeth, she thought, I know it may not always seem like we care, but we do. And we're with you.

'Dr Carter, Dr Lewis!?'

They both turned. Gallant was back. His stricken face showed he now new what had happened. He was also on-edge as well.

'What is it Gallant?' asked Carter.

'Dr Weaver wants you back inside now. She's got more news.'

Susan and Carter quickly jumped off their perching places and followed Gallant inside. As the ER was so empty, the staff gathered at the admin desk rather than in the lounge. Kerry Weaver stood in the centre. She was leaning heavily on her crutch.

'Okay everyone listen up! I've got some more news. Good and bad. Like before this stays between us. If I even hear that someone has gone to the press I will personally do painful and inventive things to them with my crutch, understand?'

Everyone nodded in consent. Susan caught Luka's eye and attempted a smile. He smiled back, then focused on Kerry.

'First to address some rumours, no the SAS are not here, the gunman isn't an ex-patient out for revenge nor...is he Dave Mallucci.'

There was a small titter of nervous laughter.

'Good news first. Two of the hostages are out.'

A unanimous sigh or relief escaped from the crowd. 

'Thank God,' said Chuny, with feeling.

'Settle down!' called Kerry, 'It's the transplant girl and her mother. So she's getting treatment and I know we'll all be hoping she pulls through.'

Susan sighed and thanked God. 

'But, ah, I want you to keep calm but Dr Corday...Elizabeth, has been shot.'

Susan's short-lived relief turned to utter horror. She raised a hand ot her mouth. Abby's eyes filled with tears and Carter inhaled sharply. Everyone suddenly became paralysed. 

'God no,' whispered Luka.

'She's alive, but she's shot,' Kerry's voice wavered, 'that's it.'

She began to crutch away and the staff stood in silence before a few mutterings began to emerge. Susan peered at Kerry's back before following. 

'Kerry?'

Kerry turned looking irritated.

'What is it Susan?'

'Don't be mad okay, I'm not going to press you for more info, I just want to know how Dr Romano is? Only he's been up there all this time and I was-'

'I believe Robert is fine. I didn't speak to him personally but he seems okay, considering-'

She broke off abruptly, as if she had said something she shouldn't and turned away.

Susan caught her arm.

'Kerry? What is it? Maybe I can help?'

'No,' said Kerry, regaining authority, 'ah...oh, hell, Dr Romano is negotiating with the shooter.'

'He's what!?'

'Just keep it to yourself okay? I don't know why I told you. It was the shooter's request, I don't know, Don-Dr Anspaugh was a bit muddled. Just...keep things together down here will you?'

Susan nodded.

'Sure Chief. Don't worry.'

She watched Kerry crutch away, remembering the contests that used to happen between them. Funny how things change, she thought, who could have imagined I'd ever be comforting her. And Elizabeth being shot. Watch over her Mark, she thought. Watch over her Robert.


	16. Lulled into it

Disclaimer: No, I'm not going to do anymore funny ones. I'm funnied out. No it's not happening. Besides I'm getting grumpy now because I don't own it and I'm poor. 

A/N: Back to Robert (obviously), this more like one big chapter split into two because it's longer than I thought it would be. So this has a crappy cliffhanger, but the next one is much, much better.

A small lull. The eye of the storm if you will. 

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They had all been surprised when the phone had rung.

Fifteen minutes later Jane and her shaking, terrified mother had emerged, stumbling down the bright corridor towards a wall of plastic shields. 

Robert had moved away from the desk and immediately begun organising things, falling back into a role where he knew what he was doing. The transplant team emerged from the surgeon's lounge where they'd been stuck, looking bleary and caffeine-high. They were soon improved, swept away in the thick of things, as their skills became desired.

He felt a twinge in his stomach seeing their eager and alert faces rev up. It was the twinge he got every time he saw a surgeon enter an OR. Dumb bastard.

Yvonne had soon appeared beside him with a tired smile on his face and the words,

'Can't escape that easily I'm afraid, we've still got two more in there.'

He turned sharper than he had intended.

'I know!' he snapped.

As if he could forget. They tried the phone a couple of times, but Martin seemed to be ignoring them.

'All right, back again for another game of the waiting game,' said Yvonne, running a hand through her hair and leaning back in her chair. The group around the nurse's desk visibly relaxed. Someone went to get coffee.

'Anything for you doc?' asked a young officer.

Robert blinked at him a couple of times then managed a few words which he thought included yes.

He realised how rigid he was, his muscles clenched tight like bound rubber bands. He carefully let them go and reached his hand behind him to massage the pain out of his back.

'Can I ask?' said Yvonne, elbow resting on the desk, head cocked sideways on it.

He looked at her, confused and she nodded her head at his slinged arm. He opened his mouth to respond with a pat answer about not talking about it or a sarcastic comment but suddenly felt drained and shrugged.

'It got sliced off by a helicopter rotor blade then stitched back on. That's about it,' he said.

Yvonne's eyes widened in shock.

'Shit,' she said.

He let out a small laugh.

'Yeah.'

'This doctor in there. Doctor Corday? She been here long?'

'Six years,' he said, omitting the fact he knew how long she'd been here down to the day, 'she's...one of the best surgeons I've ever met.'

Yvonne nodded.

'I have a certain respect for any woman in this type of work. Call it female solidarity. Surgery's usually a man's club. So's this,' she said, grinning.

'Considering women are Olympic talkers and even better at getting what they want, that is very hard to believe,' said Robert, mustering up a degree of sarcasm.

'Yeah. Sure you're not one really?' she asked, slyly.

He winced suddenly as pain hit both his back and arm. Luckily, coffee arrived at that moment and distracted from his scrunched-up features. It a moment or two, it passed. I really should get those pills, he thought. But he didn't want to go too far away from the desk. Just in case. Yvonne took a long swing of coffee and hissed.

'Okay, that was hot,' she said.

Robert curled his fingers round his mug, but did not drink.

'You're doing really, really well, you know,' said Yvonne, 'we've put you in a crappy spot and you're doing an excellent job.'

He looked up at her, expecting an over-Ernest expression but she just looked honest.

'Thanks,' he said, 'this is tougher than a triple heart bypass. With my temperament I'm surprised they're not all dead all ready.'

He sipped the coffee, running through his conversations with Martin and gritting his teeth as he remembered every time his mouth got the better of him. I could have got her _killed_...

'Like you said, you're a novice,' said Yvonne, placatingly, 'I've seen rookies do worse. And its especially hard when someone you care about is involved.'

His eyes shot up. She peered over her coffee at him.

'I was listening to everything you said remember?' she said, 'and I've got a sense about these things. When pretty much said you'd kill him if she, y'know, I believed you. You'd have to be close to someone come up with that response.'

Robert didn't reply, instead staring into the coffee. He wasn't going to admit anything. There didn't seem much point seeing as she all ready knew and hey, who was she going to tell?

Yeah, okay it was the woman he loved in there. Fair enough. He got the point.

God didn't want them together. He'd been a bastard to her and taken away her husband, then He'd taken away his arm and career. Now he was getting at them both, just in case he didn't get the point. You think its such a bad idea? he thought savagely, join, well, everyone else.

Still, he found himself half-praying-_Dear God please_. Great now I'm a born again Christian. Someone get me a tambourine.

'You together then?' Yvonne's voice cut into his thoughts.

'No!' he stared at her as though she was mad, but then realised-she didn't know. So it was possible. Even if only in the mind of someone who didn't know him that well or Elizabeth at all. Hoorah.

'No, no,' Robert said, a bit more casually, 'actually her husband only died a little while ago. Left her a single Mom. Little girl.'

He sounded bitter at the end of it, but he didn't regret it. He'd always disliked Greene for a number of reasons, but the biggest one was that he'd left Elizabeth. First he'd had her, then he left her. Oh okay, it wasn't his fault but he still couldn't understand it. Why he didn't fight more. Fight forever second he could have with her and that dear little girl. He'd hurt her in the deepest way possible. Robert would never forgive him for that.

'I wonder why he changed his mind,' said Yvonne, either tactfully changing the subject or getting bored.

Her fingernails clinked against the china mug as she stared into mid-distance.

'Someone in the room must have talked to him I guess. God knows Mrs Graham won't say anything. She could barely say her name,' she continued thoughtfully.

Robert again kept silent. He had a pretty good idea of who it might have been. Elizabeth would never let a child suffer, nor let that odious creep get refuse to let her be treated. 

Suddenly Donald Anspaugh's appeared and leaned over the desk. The bags under his eyes seemed bigger than ever and he let out a long sigh.

'How's it going?' he asked.

'Just peachy Donald,' said Robert, 'how's things on the front line?'

Maybe Donald appreciated the army humour but he let out a barking laugh and slapped his hand onto the counter.

'Disastrous. We're teetering on the brink. The closure downstairs has meant the other hospitals are starting to clutter up and I've got every Chief in the area yelling at me. I've just updated Kerry again. Apparently they're very quiet.'

'Oh good, I've made Kerry Weaver happy. The perfect end to the perfect day,' groaned Robert, taking another sip of coffee.

'She's not happy Robert,' said Donald, solemnly, 'no one is happy about this down there. Or anywhere in the hospital. One of our number is down. How is she?'

Robert stared at him a moment then launched into a bland speech, 

'I can't imagine she'd be great. When I spoke to her she sounded lucid, but definitely weak. If she'd been shot at the beginning of all of this then she'd have lost a lot of blood by now.'

He said all this staring at the coffee mark on the desk again, biting back any trace of un-called for emotion. Donald nodded shakily and there was a lengthy silence.

'How's the girl?' asked Robert, breaking the peace.

'What? Oh, the Graham girl. Well the team say its touch and go. It's a long way past the optimum time, but they're going to give it a damn good try!'

Shirley appeared beside him, looking absolutely exhausted. She rubbed her head saying,

'Dr Anspaugh, I've got a very irate Dr Kildern from Rush on the phone. Again.'

'God damn that man!' cried Donald, in frustration, 'arrogant, insensitive little-you two should meet Robert, you'd get on!'

And he strode off. Shirley rolled her eyes and gave a warm smile before following.

'I'm glad I'm not a doctor,' said Yvonne with feeling.

'I'm glad I'm not a police negotiator,' returned Robert.

Suddenly the phone shrilled into life and Yvonne's coffee mug clattered to the floor.

'Okay, now I really hate him,' she muttered.


	17. Something to talk about

Disclaimer: Nope, still isn't mine. Er, that's it.

A/N: Here is the conclusion to the long chapter split up. And a cliff-hanger-one of my best. The events from chapter 17 on Robert's side and a bit further. Sorry about the chapter order. Probably need to be re-ordered really but I don't think they're too confusing. I might re-arrange them later. Not to try for sympathy or anything but this was a very tricky chapter to write. If it is occasionally un-believable I apologise, but hey, I don't know how a nutters mind works. Or Robert's when he's off on one for that matter so it's big ole guesswork.

Time for someone to take some action. But who? 

(Couple of swearwords-again a warning)

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'Hi again doc, it's me. I thought I could have a little chat before I go. Whilst we wait. How's the money coming?'

Robert realised as soon as he picked up the phone, that he really did not want to be speaking to Martin again. Anger and exhaustion bubbled up inside him as he heard the man's voice, grating into his ear.

'It's coming,' he replied tersely.

Yvonne's eyes flicked up at him.

'He's going to try to explain,' she whispered.

She had warned Robert to expect more demands, but it seemed Martin had developed a morose, yet determined mood. He began rambling.

'You ever been in love doc?' he asked.

What the fu-of all the things he could have talked about, he had to choose _that_? thought Robert. How about the state of government? World poverty? Fungal nail infections even. But instead he had decided to spill his guts about luurve-great.

'I mean real love,' persisted Martin, 'real gut-wrenching, mind-bending love when you can't understand why or how but one person has you whole?'

Oh ha, ha. Parallel lines right down my forehead, thought Robert. _I get it._

'Yes,' he said.

'Really? Who was she?'

Robert hesitated. 

'Don't tell him,' warned Yvonne, quietly, 'he'll only use it as ammo.'

'Old girlfriend,' he said, with as much conviction as he could muster.

He wondered how long this was going to last. The swell of anger was spilling out. It raged against Martin and his self-pity. It raged against his own uselessness and moreover it raged against the police, who sat and waited whilst this moronic, whining asshole played them all a merry tune. You want me to feel sorry for you? he thought, you want me to weep my guts out for you; just because you're wife ran off-

'-always do. You always end up alone. I mean Sarah left me for Jack and now...Jack's gone from her-'

-and you got into some trouble through you're own misguided view of romance? Fuck you, I've got no arm. No career. And nothing else. You're about to take away the only thing I care about and even if she comes out of this, nothing will change. She still won't feel about me like I do about her.

'-her husbands gone and...hey Dr Corday what about you? You been married, in love?'

'Is she still awake?' Robert found himself asking.

'Just listen!' hissed Yvonne.

'I am,' he murmured, through gritted teeth, 'I've listened the whole way.'

But it didn't matter. Martin seemed only to be listening to himself.

'-she's gone quiet over there. Always the way. They flake out on you in the end.'

She's gone, he thought. She must be gone. All right, nothing left to play for-let's make you _suffer_.

'Martin you'll go down for double murder, you know that?' said Robert, suddenly.

'Ha. I don't think so. They'll have to catch me first.'

He sniggered and Robert felt his fingers tighten around the phone. He shot Yvonne an angry look. She was staring at him warningly and shook her head.

'They will,' said Robert, 'eventually. And your conscience will. It'll start asking you if it's all been worth it. Jane Graham still isn't out of danger. She may still die and that will be murder too. Of a nine year old girl.'

'That isn't my fault.' mumbled Martin.

'You kept her in there Martin,' Robert carried on in an even tone, 'you kept them all in there. You shot three people, one of whom is definitely dead and you almost killed a nine year old girl-when does it become _your_ fault?'

Martin was silent except for his breathing. 

'What are you doing?' he heard Yvonne say, but he was past caring. 

'Something,' he answered, and leant away from her, as if talking to a friend, 'Can you tell me something Martin. After all I've done for you, I feel owed.'

Yvonne reached out a hand to switch him off, but he said,

'You want me right Martin? You don't want to talk to the police again?'

'No,' said Martin, with force, 'I don't want to speak to those pigs. You tell them not to try anything okay?'

Yvonne flashed him an angry look. 

'Listen to me-' she began.

'I am,' said Robert,' this is no reflection on you, I just want to ask Martin a couple more things, then he can tell me anything he wants. Is that okay Martin?'

'Why?' asked Martin suspiciously.

'Martin I admire your initiative. Really. I'm not being patronising or anything. I admire you and dislike you in equal measure.'

'Thanks doc,' said Martin, with a harsh laugh, 'what do you want to know?'

Robert took a deep breath.

'Is it really because of her?' he asked, 'Because of Sarah?'

Silence.

'Yes,' said Martin, in a constrained way, 'She'll be with me now, and we'll be together and she'll have everything she ever wanted. She loves me.'

'Really?' 

Martin paused.

'I love her,' he said, 'but she's giving me this look. This really horrible look like she wishes I didn't exist.'

He giggled. 

'She just spat at me. Maybe I'm wrong.'

'Mmm, I had a feeling. Truth is, you can't make someone love you. And she doesn't, she ran off with your best friend for God's sake. And you just killed him, so she definitely won't love you now.'

Martin's breathing sounded ragged and choked.

'She does-'

'No Martin,' Robert said firmly, 'she doesn't. Look at her, look into her eyes. You can tell. Trust me.'

Another pause then a half laugh, half sob, forced down the phone. It filled Robert with vicious pleasure.

'There's no point, is there?' Martin mumbled.

'No, there really isn't. Best to just end it,' said Robert.

'I got one bullet,' said Martin, suddenly, 'she's still looking at me.'

Robert's heart jumped in alarm.

'Martin, you don't want more-'

'Not for her, doc. For me. I don't want to go to prison.'

Robert's heart was still racing and he looked up at Yvonne, who seemed to have frozen in place.

'I thought it would end like this,' said Martin, 'hope you have something to clean up the mess.'

Suddenly, Robert heard a voice in the background. 

'What?' said Martin, away from the phone.

Robert strained to hear and caught a woman's distant voice say,

'I love you, Martin.'

Then there was an ear splitting thump and the clatter of the phone against the wall. Another thump, then another followed by a strange silence.

'Martin?' said Robert, panic rising in his throat, 'Martin!? What the hell-he's gone!'

'We need to get in there!' stated Yvonne.

She turned to the SWAT team stationed in the corridor, but before she could say a word, they heard a door fling open and a woman's voice scream,

'Someone please help!'


	18. Enter the hero

Disclaimer: Okay, if it was mine, I wouldn't be writing this here. I'd be writing it there. 

A/N: I thank again my lovely readers and reviewers. Although you could make me even more cheerful with more updates on your own fics which I regularly enjoy-hint, hint Merrymime, Christina and the rest (you know who you are). 

I've just realised this must be one of the few Cordano fan fics where our hero and heroine are spending most of it apart. Er, sorry about that. Written myself in a corner now, but I promise you that they do converse properly. Eventually. 

Now I'm babbling-here's more. 

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Sometimes, Robert let his mind wander and imagine the different ways he could be her knight in shining armour. It was always very film-like, with him bursting through doors, guns blazing and coat billowing in the wind.

He never pictured himself trailing behind the dark blue figures of SWAT team members, wincing as they grunted out orders and shouted 'CLEAR!'. He never imagined hearing boots clattering on a tiled floor or smelling blood and latex in such an evil combination..

And he never, ever feared being too late.

He pulled a team of doctors and nurses from the floor as quickly as he could, then headed for the door. The SWAT team tried to keep them at bay, but they rounded the corner as one, determined to help.

In the doorway stood, not Martin, but a bloodstained, tear streaked young woman. The mysterious Sarah, thought Robert.

She peered at them for a split second, before disappearing back inside the room, ignoring the calls for her to get out and put her hands up. The team followed. 

Robert pushed through the giant SWAT men with a combination of brute force and biting sarcasm, and found them surrounding the prone figure of Martin. 

Sarah stood beside the door, a briefcase clutched in one hand and a blank look on her face.

'I hit him,' she said, 'I hit him.'

'Take him!' Robert barked to a couple of doctors and nurses behind him, 'and if you value your jobs make sure he lives and can talk!'

The room was filled rapidly with people and Robert ordered more people to help the shocked Sarah. His eyes scanned the dark room, desperately searching, heart bursting in his chest.

'Can we get some light in here!' he shouted, randomly.

Where was she? What had he done with her?

Then he saw her hand. Still, lifeless, lying on the floor. White and delicate, with dried red stains on the fingertips. 

He rushed to where she was sitting, propped up by the wall. Her head lay to one side, eyes closed and her hair tumbled over her face. She could have been sleeping. He raised a shaking hand to her face and paused, afraid to touch her. 

He moved it downward and stopped. A once white bandage was strapped tightly around her stomach. On the left side, a deep red colour had courser through the fabric. There was even some on the floor.

His mouth dried and he realised he wasn't breathing. He inhaled sharply and pushed his arm around her neck pulling her head into his arm.

'S-s,' he stuttered, then recovered and yelled, 'someone here now!'

His eyes didn't leave her face. She was breathing. He couldn't feel for a pulse but willed one to be there. 

'Lizzie?' he whispered, 'Elizabeth can you hear me? Come on, this isn't any time to give up on me. If you go, who's going to fight with me? Weaver? No fun there. Come on Elizabeth, you've got to fight. I know you can. You always do.'

He brought him lips to her forehead, smelling her perfume, mixed with the bitter stench of blood. He fought a voice to give in and looked back at her face.

In another instant, strong arms were lifting her out of his arm and onto a gurney. As they wheeled her away, he stood for a moment watching. Time slowed, voices echoed. All he saw was her face drifting away from him.

He shook himself. Time re-started and he followed.

'Four units, type specific,' he ordered, grasping onto one side of the gurney, 'which OR is free?'

'Two,' answered Shirley, 'but Dr Romano-'

'Okay lets get her in. Shirley you should, er, ring her parents, their numbers should be about somewhere.'

Shirley, though, hung onto the side of the bed as it slammed through the pre-op room doors and Robert found himself cut off by the imposing figure of Donald Anspaugh. He was already gowned. Davidson and Edson could be seen behind him, emerging into the OR, ready for the patient. 

'You'll understand if I ask you to sit this one out Robert?' said Donald, quietly.

Robert stared at him in disbelief.

'Like hell Donald,' he snarled, 'I don't care even if I can't do the surgery, I'm damn well going to be in there.'

'Robert,' said Donald, fixing both palms to the door frame to prevent him from entering, 'you are tired, upset, and far too involved. Now I ask you to sit this one out.'

Fury and resentment fired in Roberts battered brain, but Donald held fast. He drilled an angry stare into Donald's face and backed off slowly. 

'Okay Donald, go play surgeon for a while. I just hope you haven't forgotten what to do with a scalpel,' he spat.

He turned and strode down the corridor, heading, well, he wasn't sure where. Infuriating bastard, he thought, who the hell did he think he was? He needed to be in there, to be with her. He was in such a blazing mood, he didn't hear someone call his name and didn't stop until a hand grabbed his arm.

He whirled around, fully intending to smack whomever it was bang in the face, but stuttered to a halt on seeing Yvonne Brown.

'Dr Romano,' she said, pleasantly, 'wondered where you got to.'

'I was doing my job,' he said, flatly, 'my real one, rather than the moon lighting I do when forced.'

Yvonne leaned and folded her arms, flashing a resigned smile.

'I think I've got you now doc,' she said, 'it usually doesn't take me long to get people, handy in this business, but you were a tough customer. I got it now though. Prone to mood swings, power-trips and calculated ego-boosting.'

Robert began to change his mind about smacking her. His anger had merely been dampened by her entrance, but not entirely extinguished. He had just busted his ass for her and the hulking morons they called the police and what did he get in return? Freud For Dummies.

'Congratulations,' he said, bitterly, 'glad to know that when the chips are down, I can rely on the police to be concentrating on the job in hand.'

Yvonne gave a small laugh.

'You can't fool me with that tough-as shit,' she said, grinning, 'I know remember? Though God knows what she must feel about having you after her. Poor woman.'

His hand rose of its own volition, but Yvonne's own swept up without even a blink and caught it.

'I'm a police officer first,' she said, bluntly, 'I know self-defence and I'm willing to use it even on a one-armed idiot.'

He lowered his arm, mind still blazing, but now felt burned with regret at what he had just tried to do. He muttered an apology. Yvonne laughed and returned his hand to his side.

'Not needed,' she said, 'God knows after my times doing this, I've been a raving bitch too. You need to go home, drink, shout at the walls and then try to sleep. Its not full-proof but it usually works.'

He breathed out a sigh and rubbed his head.

'Funny I was just going to drink,' he muttered.

'Hey that doesn't mean I've totally forgiven you. I should probably be pissed at you for what you did,' said Yvonne, 'but it might have worked.'

Robert rolled his eyes.

'Or I could have got them shot. He was sure as hell going to shot himself,' he said, grimly.

'The latter better than the former and I think that's where he was headed,' said Yvonne, 'you might even get an award.'

He smiled thinly. Yvonne pulled off he regulation bulletproof vest.

'How are the hostages?' she inquired.

'Oh, um, the woman Sarah is fine. She was the one who ended it all actually, but I'm sure you'll hear that at your de-briefing. Martin will probably just have a major headache and nothing else. Jane, um, well up to the transp-'

'And Dr Corday?'

He stared at the floor and shrugged.

'I don't know.'

A hand appeared in front of him. He looked up. Yvonne was smiling. He stared at he hand, then reached out and shook it.

'Good work doc. I mean it,' said Yvonne, 'Oh and you should tell her. Whatever, I mean, you just should. Or it'll end up eating you alive.' 

And with that she turned and walked back down the corridor. Robert watched her go, the anger in him damped somewhat. She was right of course, but he didn't know if he would get the chance to now.

A gurney, surrounded by officers, rattled towards him. On the bed he saw the unconscious form of Martin, handcuffed to the sidebars. Time slowed again and anger flared once more. It fired at Martin, the cause, the reason and the centre of all the pain. 


	19. Exit composure

Disclaimer: Don't read this, read the other stuff! Coz it isn't mine! 

A/N: Second half of the same chapter. I split it into two to make it easier to read. Robert gets mighty angry and has some visitors. Bad language alert! 

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Robert whirled round and headed for his office, knowing if he stopped, he wouldn't be able to stop himself hurting the man. 

He slammed the door open, causing a crack to appear in the glass. He slammed it shut and leaned against it. 

Everything was calm and serene. The storm in the corridor sounded muffled and a million miles away. Blood pounded in his ears. He gripped his slinged arm and dug the fingers into it, willing for pain. None came. So _useless_. His eyes scanned the semi-darkened room, alighting on papers and models and certificates and a hundred other useless things. Useless. All useless. 

The rage exploded. In one movement, he swept his desk clear, papers, pens and stationary crashing to the floor. The beads snapped off a desk toy and rolled and bounced along the floor. 

Fucking useless, his mind screamed why are you so fucking _useless_? 

He crashed into a stack of shelves, beside the desk and pulled them over. More trophies, paperweights and books, slammed to the floor. He kicked the desk chair to the floor. Turning he slammed a fist into the wall and leaned against it. The rage subsided. His breathing was fast and erratic. His arms, both of them, throbbed. Gradually he returned to reality. 

There was a knock on the door. 

Oh now what? Couldn't he just have a self-destructive episode in peace? He kept quiet and hoped whomever it was would go away, but heard a small click and the door opened behind him. 

'Robert?' 

He winced inwardly. It was Weaver, of all people. He wondered if he could wake Martin up and ask him for one more shot. He turned slowly, slowing his breathing to a normal speed. Kerry clicked on the light and he screwed up his eyes at the brightness. 

'Kerry!' he said, all forced cheerfulness, 'come for tabloid fodder?' 

Kerry Weaver hobbled in slowly. Her glasses were perched on top of her red hair and she looked concerned. 

Not that Robert noticed. Right at that moment he hated everything about Kerry Weaver, from her hair to her toes to that bloody crutch. He wanted her in the OR instead of Elizabeth. He wanted- 

'Robert, I-' she began, but stopped upon seeing the wreck of his office, 'what happened?' 

'Oh you didn't hear? We had a little trouble with a gun-totting psychopath. See, you're little ER doesn't get all the fun around these parts,' he said, with all the sarcasm he could muster. 

He tried staring her out of the door, but Weaver had been on the receiving end of one too many of his stares and didn't even flinch. 

'I am aware of that. I also know what you did. That must have taken a hell of a lot of-' 

'Gee, Kerry as much as I would like to have an 'aren't-I-brave' moment with you, I really don't...care. Is there anything important you want to know?' 

He held up a hand, counting up the things she could ask about. 

'The shooter is down, the hostages are out and Elizabeth is in surgery-' 

Kerry opened her mouth again to speak, but he steamrollered over her. 

'-I don't know how she is.' 

He bit down on each word, driving them home. Don't ask me anymore, just get out. 

'Anything else?' he finished. 

Kerry shook her head. 

'Everyone's been worried,' she said, softly, 'I'll pass the news on.' 

She turned and started to pull the door closed behind her. Halfway, she stopped and Robert heard her talk to someone else. 

'Hey why are you up here?' said Kerry in a more normal Weaver alike voice, 'I told you I was going to get information, you needn't have followed-' 

'Kerry, don't start, we've got trauma's rolling in like it's Armageddon out there. The other hospitals have no more room,' answered another woman. 

Robert smiled a little, recognising the voice. Good old Susan. She was one of the few down there who didn't whine and whinge all the time. And she didn't like Weaver, so bonus points there. 

Kerry grouched her way away from the door, which inched open a bit. Susan's face peered round. 

'Dr Romano?' she asked. 

He looked around the room, suddenly embarrassed about the mess and she followed his gaze. 

'Oh. Looks like you're busy. Sorry, I'll go,' she said, backing away. 

'It's okay Dr Lewis,' he said. 

He didn't want Susan to think badly of him, even after the day he'd had. 

Susan's head re-appeared and he beckoned her in. She entered cautiously and lingered holding the door behind open slightly behind her. Still open, in case she had to run. 

'I-I just wanted to see how you were,' she said. 

He looked up startled and met her eyes, deep with concern and tiredness. 

'Me?' he said, surprised, 'I'm fine, its Elizabeth...who's not.' 

Susan glanced at the floor and back up. 

'Yeah I know. But she's alive though?' 

He nodded. 

'Good. Good, thank God. Everyone's been so worried. It-its all so weird,' she sighed, and paused then said, 'Dr Weaver told me about what you did-' 

'Great,' he murmured. 

Kerry couldn't keep her big mouth shut could she? 

'-No, it wasn't her fault, I kind of forced it out of her. Man, now I'm defending her. This is a weird day. But I don't know why you don't want anyone to know, that was a incredible thing to do.' 

He chuckled and brushed a hand down his rumpled scrubs. 

'Well, it gave me a chance to practise my people skills,' he said. 

Susan gave a weak smile. They stood in silence for a moment, the Susan's beeper buzzed into life, making her jump. 

'Okay,' she said, checking it 'time for Susan to leave the building. I'd better get back before Weaver comes after me. That crutch is lethal.' 

She paused as she left. 

'Anything I can do, just ask,' she said. 

The door swung gently shut behind her. Robert was again alone in his office. Well, that was nice, he thought. Kerry concerned about his authority and her own and Susan just concerned about him. He'd have to remember to give her a raise. 

He walked away from the wall and crouched down, half-heartedly collecting items from the floor and depositing them on his desk. 

He belated recalled when he had been there before, gunshots slicing into his thoughts and instantly imagining the worst. And the worst had come true. He got a sudden flash of the look in her eyes as she had pushed past him to see Mrs Graham. Contempt, loathing, anger-things he was used to seeing. Everyday and these days in between bouts of pity looks. He preferred it when she hated him. But nothing stopped him hoping- 

'Oh fuck it!' he said, aloud, throwing down a handful of papers. 

Go home and get drunk Yvonne had said and that sounded like a bloody good idea. He got up and grabbed his coat, not bothered about the blood stained scrubs he was still wearing. Go home, get drunk and forget, he thought, the old ones are always the best. 

He wrenched open the door and stopped. In front of him stood a dark haired, dark skinned woman holding a rather familiar looking blond girl. 


	20. Where is my mind?

Disclaimer: Nope, still not mine. I'm trying here, but they're very stubborn. Time for the red-hot pokers.

A/N: Many thanks to my loyal reviewers. You guys are the best. Okay you're probably thinking 'get on with it woman!' and I'll agree this has stretched further than I reckoned it would, but I wanted to keep it as realistic as such an outlandish story line could accommodate. I hope it will be worth it. 

I normally hate these dream-type things on TV programmes (Elizabeth's not keen on them either), but seeing as she is unconscious there isn't any other way to get her to finally work things out. I've tried to keep it as un-corny as possible.

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'I can't see a thing in here, I need more suction!'

'I don't know if we can save the kidney, Donald. The livers in pieces too.'

'Well try, but remember it's her life first, then the kidney.'

'Clamp.'

'That bullet really did its job.'

'Yes well, let's get on and do ours.'

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It was cold and wet and not the sort for weather to be running in so naturally at Northern Hunt's School for Girls, the sixth formers were currently dashing or rather slopping around the grounds in the midst of a cross-country.

Elizabeth and her friend Annabelle weren't. They were hiding, most specifically hiding under a bunch of trees in the woods behind the school, which they were supposed to be running through. 

Annabelle took a drag on the cigarette they were sharing and passed it back to Elizabeth.

'Character building!' said Annabelle with disgust, 'how is this meant to be character building. I mean what character is it supposed to build except a resentful one.'

Elizabeth shrugged.

'Its just they're way of controlling us,' she said, blowing out a line for smoke, 'its doesn't teach us anything.'

'So, you going to town on Saturday. All the others are sneaking out.'

'I dunno. I don't think so, it's was terrifically boring last time. That pub was so dull and the music was old. Ms Haverly old. Last century,' said Elizabeth.

She moved a little further under the trees as another gust of rain splattered them.

'Yuck!' exclaimed Annabelle, wiping her face, 'my hair is going to be ruined.'

The girl dragged her fingers through her long black hair. Elizabeth gazed at it longingly.

'Wish I had your hair,' she said, 'mine refuses to do anything but frizz.'

'Oh come on Beth, your hair's gorgeous. You've got that pre-Raphelite look. Boys love that. That Simon did anyway, last week.'

Elizabeth made a face.

'Don't remind me. It was a bad idea. He was a good kisser but he had all the personality of a mushroom,' she said, taking another drag.

Annabelle giggled.

'Beth I pity the man that has to deal with you. He's going to need to be a mad man.'

Elizabeth snorted.

'Deal with me? Likely. I'm going to be a doctor and have a career and never, ever get married. Or have children. We made a pact remember?'

Annabelle nodded.

'I remember. Right on, sing it sister!' she said, thrusting her fist in the air in a mock salute.

'Elizabeth Corday!'

Elizabeth groaned inwardly and hastily tossed the cigarette onto the floor, grinding it into the leaves with her foot. Ms Thompson, the PE teacher, had found them.

Elizabeth turned. And got the shock of her life when she saw, not Ms Thompson, but her mother arms folded, looking disapproving.

'Mother!' she said, weakly, 'what are you doing here?'

'I'm here to get you to remember,' said her mother taking her by the arm.

Elizabeth was just about to ask remember what, when suddenly they were no longer in the woods behind the school, but at her Graduation day. Gowned, smiling students were everywhere in the huge hall and the place was filled with noise and the music of a band.

Her mother looped an arm around hers and they began to walk through the crowds. Suddenly the noise decreased, then vanished altogether, though Elizabeth could still see people talking and laughing.

'Mother, what's going on?' she asked.

'Don't' ask me dear, its your head,' replied her mother adjusting her blouse, 'quite a place it is too. Honestly darling the things you think about-'

'Mum!'

'Well don't blame me. I'm in your head too; I'm just a figment of what you know I'm like. But enough of all this, do you remember what happened?'

Elizabeth's features creased in confusion.

'Yes, I was just in the woods and then you arri-'

'No, no Elizabeth, before that. That's just a memory you're in, just like this is a memory. Your graduation. I remember it too. Your father spent most of the day chatting up your student friends and buying them drinks. Wonderful.'

'Er, Mum?'

'Yes, yes. You are not here Elizabeth. You are not at school, or graduating. You are in Chicago county hospital and you are being operated on. You have a daughter, called Ella and a dead husband, called Mark. You were shot Elizabeth, do you remember?'

Elizabeth shook her head, wondering if she was dreaming or going mad. What the hell was going on?

'You are dreaming, but you are not here. Elizabeth, look at me.'

She did so. And suddenly everything came back in a flash. Mark, Ella, Chicago, Jane, guns, blood, pain.

She fell to the floor clutching her side. The pain, the awful pain. Where was it? Where was she? She looked at her side and saw nothing. No blood. Someone clasped her shoulders. She looked up.

'Daddy!' she exclaimed.

Her father smiled, laughter lines creasing.

'My darling,' he said, helping her to her feet.

'God, Daddy, I just...Mother was here and...' she looked at him suddenly, 'why are you here?'

'To talk, to listen. I think you thought I would be a better person than your mother to talk to.'

Elizabeth looked about her. They were in a hospital. A familiar one. Her first placement and they were in the examination room she'd tried to hide in after making a mistake on her first shift. She'd nearly killed a woman and had been yelled out in no uncertain terms by a senior doctor. In tears, she'd fled to an empty room.

'Why am I here?' she said aloud.

Her father kissed her cheek then turned and walked about the room.

'You wanted to hide somewhere. It's something you used to do a lot. Hide from things. I remember when you were seven and you didn't want to go to school and you hid in your wardrobe. We had a hell of a time getting you out.'

He sat on an empty bed. Elizabeth walked over to a chair, fumbling in her head for an explanation.

'I suppose it could be the drugs. The anaesthetic. I've heard of people having out of body experiences when they are undergoing surgery-'

'Elizabeth you're not dying,' said her father.

She looked at him.

'Then why am I here?' she asked.

'You're dreaming sort of. Only it's more lucid than that. You're sorting something out. You've been doing whilst you were in that room.'

He smiled at her genially. She wondered if she was already dead and this was heaven. Or hell. She couldn't be dreaming. Could she? If I had a choice I wouldn't be dreaming about mother, she thought.

'Elizabeth you are not dead,' sighed her father, playing absently with and empty IV stand, 'and yes you are dreaming and no, I wouldn't have chosen you're mother either but she was the best one to snap you out of you're regression.'

'How-'

'How did I know that's what you were thinking?' said her father, with an infuriating grin, 'simple. I'm just a creation of me in your head. So I know. Anyway, this isn't what we're here to talk about.'

'What are we here to talk about?'

Her father glanced around and then stood up. 

'Let's try somewhere a bit nicer,' he said.

Then they were in a park.

'Sommers Park!' exclaimed Elizabeth, 'I remember this, from when I was little. I use to love this place!'

They began to walk down the tarmac path, sunlight playing around them. A couple of boys raced past on bikes and a man walking a dog nodded to them politely.

'Yes. You fell off the slide over there,' said her father pointing, 'you were so annoyed you dashed into those trees and refused to come out.'

'All right, I'm seeing a pattern here. These are all places I've hid around,' said Elizabeth, tersely, 'if there's a point here you-'

'Ah, your head remember?'

'Okay, I am making it in a very unsubtle way. I used to run away and hide from things. I used to worry about what people would think, I used to run from hard things and I was stubborn.'

Her father raised his eyebrows.

'Was?'

'Okay am. But I'm not any of the other things anymore. I'm don't' care what people think or run from hard things. After that time in the hospital I never ran away from things again. I was determined to show them how good I was. Am,' she said.

They had reached the pond and she stopped gazing into its green waters. The light glittered and waved across the surface.

'What?' she asked, without looking up.

'Sorry?'

'There's something I've missed here, isn't there. The reason, the thing I'm trying to figure out. This is all connected-God why does this all have to be so cryptic. I've seen these things on TV and its always people you know wandering around saying 'I think you know why you're here' and you have to figure it out. Bloody hell I am not a mind reader, especially of my own mind!'

Her father just smiled and walked away, his reflection disappearing from the water. Well I don't care if that is what I'm supposed to do she thought, I'm not playing. I'll just stay here till I wake up.

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'Suction!'

'Dammit! Sorry Donald I can't save the kidney.'

'So take it already, she's got another. Edson keep your hand still or so help me I'll cut it off!'

'Sats are dropping!'

'We need more blood! Three more units! Hurry it up!'


	21. Presentingthe newest member of the Babys...

Disclaimer: The red-hot pokers didn't work. I'm onto The Waltons video's. Don't worry, they'll break. But as of yet, ER still isn't mine. 

A/N: I know, I know, Merrymime-Robert probably would want to stay at the hospital with his Lizzie, but he'd have nothing to do but twiddle his thumbs. Well, thumb. Besides I wanted him to bond with Ella. Still, I'm not sure about this chapter or the previous one. I can't decide if they're too contrived or corny. 

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When Robert saw the woman in the doorway, his mind did twenty back flips and finished with a double somersault. He had, at that moment, no idea who she was or why she was standing outside his door.

'Dr Romano?' she said, urgently.

He blinked and shifted his gaze to the quiet blond child in her arms. Her eyes met his. Her big, blue eyes. Ella.

'What? I...Sorry, things are a little-Chris, is it?' he said, his mind reeling.

'Yes. Yes, that's me I'm so glad you remembered. Look I kept her as long as I could, but my sisters hollering down the phone, her kids are hungry-'

Without asking, she practically thrust Ella into his arm.

'I know you said you'd find someone and sort it so I waited and waited but then I couldn't wait any longer. I had to come in. How's Elizabeth?'

Robert was half-stunned by her entrance and the fact that Ella was now happily ensconced in his arm poking his cheek with her finger. He fumbled for a moment then took the easy option by answering her question.

'In surgery. She was shot-'

Chris' face fell into utter shock and he back peddled quickly in case she keeled over on him.

'-but it's not that bad. I mean it is, but we're doing everything we can,' he continued, hastily, 'the best surgeons in the hospital are working on her. We'll let you know what happens.'

That was the oldest, lamest bunch of platitudes he had ever strung together. He'd said them thousands of times but now he was ashamed of having uttered them. But Chris seemed to believe him and recover herself. She glanced at Ella.

'I can't take her with me,' moaned Chris, half-talking to herself, 'my sisters too sick. I don't want her to get it too and what with the three other kids. God I feel so bad.'

She looked up at him again.

'But you said you'd sort something right?' she said, beaming and without waiting for an answer, she dumped a bag at his feet.

'There's all the stuff I could think of in there, diapers, food, toys whatever, so whoever it is shouldn't have any trouble,' she said.

Chris gave Ella a kiss and stroked her head.

'Bye sweetie, see you soon. Oh and my numbers in there too, for you know, when she wakes up. I'm so sorry. Thank you!'

And with that she whirled around and was gone. 

Considering all the other shocks he had had that day, he shouldn't have been surprised. But he was. He went over what had just happened and tried to sort it out. 

That was Ella's nanny, whom he'd spoken to on the phone. That was like a million years ago, but Robert vaguely remembered her mentioning how she was looking after her brothers kids or something...and couldn't keep Ella for long. And he'd said, oh don't worry I'll sort something out. 

Which I would have done, he protested, had I not been otherwise involved in negotiating for the police. Yeah, that old excuse. He turned and looked down at Ella. She was regarding him with a slightly quizzical expression.

'You and me both,' he said.

He sat her on Brenda's desk and looked around, vaguely hoping that some emergency baby sitter would suddenly leap out of the shadows and help him. 

'What am I going to do now?' he said, aloud, 'more importantly, what am I going to do with you?'

Ella looked at him and held a pen out to him. He took it absently and twirled it round his fingers.

'Write an SOS?' he said, 'mmm, good plan but I don't think it'll work. No-one would _want_ to help me.'

He sat down on the desk next to Ella. Okay, who could he call on? Shirley? No, she was still busy. His mother? Bad idea-he didn't want to scare Ella at her early time of life. Okay, so that left...Susan? She'd had that niece so she knew babies. She also asked if there was anything she could do to help. Sweet but deadly. But she was bound to be wrapped up in the ER with all those traumas. So that left...oh no Rocket don't even think about it, that has a disaster written all over it in big, bright shiny letters.

He looked down at the child who was now eating some of Brenda's memo pads.

She seems quiet enough, he thought, of course, that's now. In a few hours she'll probably be a raving psycho. Especially if she's Elizabeth's child. His stomach twinged. He'd almost got her mother killed. 

__

'...take care of Ella, won't you?'

Remembrance came in a jolt. He'd promised her he would. Dammit Lizzie, you're making me do what you want without even being conscious, he thought. Now that's a talent. Well, looks like I'll have to take care of her.

Seriously? asked his mind. You want to be tortured, go downtown, it's cheaper. I mean hello? You've only got one arm. You need at least twelve to look after a toddler. The little girl sighed and leaned against him.

'Oh come on!' he protested, looking down at her curly blond head, 'give me a break here. I'm tired, I'm grouchy, I'm covered in blood and I'm, well, me. Didn't you mother ever tell you about me? Use me as a scare story to get you to eat your vegetables?'

Being two, Ella didn't have the faintest idea what he was on about, so she continued to lean against him and piled papers on his knee.

Robert sighed. He couldn't fight a two-year-old and if he had another choice, he couldn't think of it. He was just going to have to try.

'Okay, but this is temporary,' he said sliding off the desk and picking up the bag. 

He swung it on his shoulder and then curled Ella into his arm. She began to make little humming noises.

'Don't pretend to be all cute and innocent,' he muttered.

He walked out onto the floor and past the nurse's station, which was empty. The nurses were all dealing with the patients the newly re-opened ER had brought in. Jacy appeared suddenly and breathlessly began sorting through the papers.

'Jacy-' he began.

'Three gunshot wounds, two MVA's and some guy who fell onto railings. I swear they've been saving them up for us!' exclaimed Jacy, without looking up.

She glanced at him.

'Oh going home? I-isn't that Ella?'

Robert raised his eyebrows.

'No it's just a random child I picked up,' he deadpanned.

'You're taking her?' asked Jacy, still bewildered.

'Yes. But only for a while, now listen I want to know the second Dr Corday is out of surgery do you understand?'

Jacy nodded.

'Of course. But it's going to be a while. There's a lot of damage-'

'I know, I know. And I want to know if she, you know, has any problems,' he continued, steadily.

Jacy nodded again.

'Okay,' she said, 'oh, I got hold of her parents. Her father's in England and he's catching the first flight he can, but her mother's in India so she'll be longer.'

'Okay, great. I suppose you should let me know if they arrive too. They'll wanna know what I've done with their grand-daughter,' Robert sighed.

Jacy nodded for a third time and dashed away down the corridor. Everyone had jobs to do now. Except him. But deep down he knew that even if he had both arms, Anspaugh still wouldn't have let him operate.

Instinctively he walked over to OR 2 and peered through the double doors. He could see Davidson, Edson and Anspaugh all working feverishly. All he could see of Elizabeth was an outline of her body under a sheet, obscured by figures, hands and machines. 

Someone moved sideways and he saw a glimpse of blood and tissue. He turned away, feeling his stomach lurch. On other people it was easy. Blood and guts meant nothing. On people you knew...

'Mommy?' said Ella, softly.

He looked down at her and wondered if she knew that Elizabeth was through there.

'She's uh, she's sleeping for a while,' he said, 'she's sick at the moment.'

'Mommy sick,' repeated Ella, 'better?'

'Yeah, she's got some really clever people working on her. She's going to get better.'

I wish I could believe that, he thought. Robert felt rooted to the spot but knew he couldn't stay there forever and wrenched his feet from the floor. Determinedly, he walked towards the elevator. He felt like his heart was being pulled apart, half of it staying behind in that OR.

'Oh get a grip Robert,' he muttered, pressing the elevator button.

All the same he swallowed hard. Ella's small warm body was strangely comforting. For once, he had to put someone else before himself. 

I'm getting a weird _24_ vibe here-Is this the longest day of Robert Romano's life? Could be.

Now I'm planning the second half of Elizabeth's dream and Robert's Ella time, but I want to know your opinions before I decide on them fully.

I want to know if you're getting bored. I don't want you to be bored. So tell me 'kay?


	22. What were you expecting, Elizabeth?

Disclaimer: Resisting The Walton's ay? Well then I've no choice but to bring out the big guns. Sound of Music anyone? They'll break, you wait. But its not mine.

A/N: Many thanks to kind followers. Phantom of Basement most especially. Also, very much in fear of Cassi-thank her for update. Merrymime-hope you are surprised and pleased in equal measure. 

Bit of bad language again.

Now I never hated Mark. Thought he was a bit of a wimp and self-righteous but I didn't hate him *ducks to avoid flying objects*. 

This may not be what you expect. 

Anyway-back to Elizabeth's head. Come follow.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'We're doing well gentlemen. Let's keep it up yes.'

'Was that Romano outside?'

'I think so.'

'He has a kid?'

'No. I'm not sure who that was.'

'Corday has a kid.'

'Oh.'

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Elizabeth turned. She was no longer in the park. She was in Chicago, more specifically in a restaurant that she recognised. She'd been here before. She walked slowly through the tables and saw someone she recognised.

'Peter,' she said.

He glanced up and grinned.

'Wasn't sure you were coming,' he said, 'you're late.'

'Ladies prerogative. So-what piece of information do you have? What deep and meaningful insight do you wish to impart?' she said, archly.

Peter raised an eyebrow.

'Nope. Sorry,' he said, shrugging, 'I'm just here to eat. Take a look at the menu, the foods pretty good here.'

She sat down and sighed. She played with the tablecloth and moved the cutlery. She shifted the salt and peppershakers about. She was determined not to play, but finally gave up. 

'So I still run and hide,' she admitted, 'so what? It was either that or stay and be hurt. I became the best surgeon I could be, a true career woman. I never wanted to fall in love. That's what I liked about us. No commitment, just fun and excitement.'

Peter grinned and leaned back in his chair, rubbing his chin.

'Yeah, we had fun,' he said, 'so what happened?'

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. 

'You know,' she said, annoyed, 'Things got too hard. They got complicated. You and I were never meant to last. Far too much stress for either of us.'

Peter grinned. Elizabeth felt strange remembering herself back in this position. Before so much had happened to her. Marriage, motherhood, death and now...

'Don't forget to ring me,' Peter reminded her gently, 'I'll want to know.'

'No, I won't. In between my recovery and therapy I'll be in the perfect state of mind to chat. Nosy little bugger.' 

She laughed and he joined her.

'There she is,' said Peter, leaning forward, 'there's the Elizabeth I knew. Man, I've missed her.'

Elizabeth felt slightly annoyed and opened her mouth to protest, then remembered-she'd only be fighting herself.

'Okay, so I've missed her too,' she admitted, looking at the wine in her glass and wondering what it would taste like.

'People change Peter,' she sighed, 'After everything, you can't expect me to remain the same.'

Peter said nothing.

'I have Ella to think of. Every decision, I have to think about her first. And every man...always a potential father. When it comes to that,' she continued.

She stared harder at the glass. The dark red liquid was glittering from the candles on the table. It seemed to grow darker as she stared and the lights began to multiply. Darker and wider, like a sea. Or a sky. A night sky.

'Mark.'

The restaurant was gone, but she was still in Chicago. She heard a familiar sound, the sound of balls being thwacked and the metal clanking of nets as they were caught again. 

She walked behind the cages, stopping behind a man whose swing had a familiar look to it. 

She remembered this, when she had found him here after Kerry had screwed him royally over Robert being appointed Chief of Staff. 

She had hated Robert then. She often wondered why she still didn't, though she tried hard to work past it. She would have killed him otherwise. But she never expected to consider him a friend.

'Hi there,' said Mark.

He hit a ball and it sailed through the air. She stopped and slid her fingers through the metallic mesh.

'Hello,' she said.

'Considering you pretty much sucked at this the first time, I'm surprised you're back,' he joked.

She smiled and looked around the net.

'Very symbolic,' she said.

'What? Oh, the net. Yes. The wall you can not cross. Only you can, the openings there,' said Mark, pointing to the gap, then ducked as a ball came racing towards him.

Elizabeth looked at the gap, then back at his smiling face. Kind, honest-God, we could have been happy.

'Life's a bitch isn't it,' he said, reading her mind.

She nodded.

'I really want to know why I'm here Mark,' she said, firmly, 'I mean, I _was_ hoping for something like the meaning of life.'

'That's easy,' he said, '42.' 

Elizabeth smiled, but couldn't laugh. In her mind she could form everything about him, but now he was in front of her, clear as day, she felt a hundred familiar sensations run through her. She leaned her head against the metal and closed her eyes.

'You left,' she whispered.

'Sort of,' Mark answered, 'but you know I'm not gone. Not to sound like a cheap cliché, but I never will be. But you know, Elizabeth, I want to ask you a question. If I'd have lived, would it have worked?'

Elizabeth, eyes still closed, wanted to say 'yes'. Then she wanted to say 'no'. But the truth was-

'I don't know,' she said.

She opened her eyes and saw Mark shrug. She suddenly felt annoyed with all of this talking and walked into the cage, holding out her hand. 

'Here, let's see if I'm any better now,' she said.

He handed her the bat and she readied herself. The ball flew towards her and she swung, somehow making contact with the ball. She watched it fly away and smiled.

'I like this game better in my head,' she said.

'I hate Robert,' said Mark, suddenly, 'you know that. I think he's cruel and arrogant and ...Elizabeth I would hate if you started thinking of him in any other way. And Ella-'

'Mark I'm'-_thwack_-'thinking of Ella! And you! I've been through this with Peter. Why has this conversation suddenly jumped to Robert.'

'I don't know, its your mind,' said Mark.

She glanced behind her, but only briefly, glad to have the balls to hit and stem the rush of emotions she couldn't or didn't want to identify.

__

Thunk!

'But...all the same, you shouldn't feel guilty about having feelings for anyone else you know,' said Mark.

'Apart from Robert of course? Not that I do.'

__

Smack! Did she believe that? Well, I don't hate him. I wish I did Mark but I can't...

'You know him better than me,' Mark admitted.

This isn't the point. This isn't why I'm here...

'I was your wife Mark. We took vows and I made a promise,' said Elizabeth, 'You haven't been...dead that long. Hardly any time at all. I know we weren't exactly getting on that well before but-'

Another ball flew skyward.

'-I loved you. I would be a terrible, terrible person if I suddenly fell into bed or started a relationship so soon with anyone-oh I don't know why I'm saying this. I'm talking to myself for God's sake!'

She hit the next ball so hard it exploded into purple and green dust, which shimmered in the air.

'That's new,' she said.

'Elizabeth, I'm dead. Although you may not believe it I died happy. I had a wonderful wife, two beautiful daughters and an amazing career. I had everything. And now I get to hit baseballs and sit in the sunshine and do whatever I want all day,' said Mark, taking the bat from her and readying himself.

Elizabeth watched him silently. The man she loved. 

'You're alive Elizabeth. Do what you want to. Stop running from connections, emotions. Stop running from yourself. Find yourself again, Elizabeth.'

He hit a ball and she watched it sail away. Then the night sky lightened, turning whiter and whiter until it was no longer the sky but a ceiling. A white, polystyrene tiled ceiling.

Elizabeth looked about her. She was in a hospital again. She was back at County. And she was in back the room. 

Blood and tears. 

She was standing in the centre of the room, facing the door. But it was blocked. By a man with a gun. 

'Robert.'

Hidden in the shadows, she saw only one side of his face. His eye creased a little as he gave a patented Romano smile. Tight and edgy, a Tiger's smile.

'You do blame me,' he said, with a touch of satisfaction.

She did. She didn't realise it before. She'd tried to play the forgiving angel, but it wouldn't work. She did blame him. For this and for so much more. By rights she should hate him. She nodded, not breaking eye contact.

'Yes, you're right, well done,' she said, 'I nearly died! My child would have been an orphan. All because of the games you play.'

His hand was as steady as a rock. But the gun didn't scare her anymore. Why couldn't things be simple? Had she really effected him so much that he had to do these things to her? Even now, when his own life was falling apart he still wanted to show he could still triumph over other peoples.

'Something happened to you,' she said, expanding her mind to imagine the possibilities.

'A lot of things have happened to me,' he said, darkly. 

His black eyes bored into her. There was much she didn't know, so many things he hadn't told her.

'Like blood from a stone,' she said, 'I've tried everything with you and I can still barely find you. And the worst of it is, I don't know why I keep trying. For some reason best known to God, I actually care about you Robert. Your life, your welfare-'

'Easy Lizzie, you're making me sound like a dog in need of sponsoring,' he joked. 

Sometimes she had thought about hugging him, just holding him and trying to...to fix him. Make up for whatever it was in the past that had broken him so badly.

'How compassionate,' he said, levelly.

'Yes,' she said, harshly, 'my biggest flaw.'

She stared at the gun in his hand and moved forward, concentrating on it. 

'Lizzie-' he warned.

But she ignored him and focused on the gun, willing it away, willing it to disappear just like she had when she had been in the room.

As she watched it began to dissolve, just drip away like Dali's melting clocks. It folded in on itself and vanished out of sight. He was un-armed. 

'Un-armed,' she repeated, 'without your guard up. Like in the lounge when Mark...and then...we have a good track record with the lounge don't we? You reach out to me and I run, I try to get through to you and you scowl me away. You push, I pull. Why do I try? You've done some shitty things in your life Robert. I'm no angel either but I try to not hurt people.'

He was backed against the door, his features mixed in anger, contempt and, strangely, fear. 

'I won't change,' he said, through gritted teeth, 'not for you, not for anyone. Not even because of my little accident.'

'I know,' she said, with up-most belief, 'but tell me Robert. Is it more than just an infatuation?'

He straightened up and cocked his head to one side.

'I love you,' he said.

'I know,' she repeated.

'Really? Gosh, one bout of existentialism and you're quite the little know-it-all,' he said, folding his arms, 'guess you can stop asking me now then.'

Elizabeth raised a hand to Robert's face and touched her fingertips lightly against it. She looked down, then up again and they were back in Sommer's Park.

'I like it here,' she explained.

She felt peaceful suddenly. She turned away from him and stared out into the sunlight, feeling a fresh breeze run through her, cleansing her. Things would have to change. But now she knew, knew for certain. He'd argued with death for her.

'I can't do this alone,' she said, suddenly.

'Neither can I,' he answered.

She turned. He looked better in the sunlight, the menacing aspect gone. He was dressed in a dark T-shirt and trousers, hand thrust in his pocket. 

'I'm going to have nightmares,' she said, matter-of-factly.

He nodded.

'I'm going to be a mess,' she continued.

He nodded again. Then looked right suddenly. She followed his gaze. Ella, bright, beautiful, lovely Ella was trotting towards her, giggling. In the midst of euphoria Elizabeth crouched down and enveloped her. Her sweet smell and soft hair were so familiar. She breathed them in, wishing they were real, then gathered her in her arms and stood up.

Robert was still watching her. 

'Where's the big revelation?' she asked.

'There never was one. You just assumed there would be. But now you know better.'

They stood apart, the wind rustling the fronds of weeping willows and children cheering in the distance. Eyes locked, neither of them moved.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bright white. Closed eyes. Noises. Something on her finger. She felt sick. What, God, what was that pain? What's that beeping noise? 

'She's awake! Amanda, get Dr Anspaugh.'

Who was that?

'Dr Corday? Its okay just try to relax. The surgery went really well. We're glad to have you back.'

*Peers out from behind chair in trepidation….*


	23. Muppets, moppets and music

Disclaimer: Stop it now. You know, I know, we all know. 

A/N: How well would a one armed person cope with a small child? I'm not entirely sure, which is why this is simply my imaginings and I hope you forgive any errors. Oh and in my universe, Gretel and any other dogs have unfortunately gone to that little doggy heaven in the sky.

My experiences of kids are limited so this may not be a wholly accurate interpretation of a two-year-old.

Oh and thanks for the tip Merrymime-you'll see which one.

It's about eight-ish in the evening. Way past Ella's bedtime, but then Robert doesn't know this.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Robert arrived home in a taxi, in one piece and with Ella still in a relatively calm state. He marked this down as a giant achievement. Hell, after what I did this afternoon, this should be a doddle, he thought. Then he got to the door and realised that opening it without a hand would be a little tricky. 

'I take it back,' he said, aloud, 'this is a million times harder than negotiating with a gun-wielding psycho.' 

After standing for a minute and going through his options, he decided to put Ella on the floor. Using his leg to keep Ella from going anywhere, he dug out his keys and opened the door. He picked Ella up and checked her. She seemed fine.

'Okay?' he asked her.

She just looked at him and said,

'Ijbah!'

'I'm going to take that as a yes,' he said and entered the house.

Turning the light on with his nose, he kicked the door closed and leaned against it. He was in.

He walked into the living room and walked forward until he bumped into a chair. Depositing Ella onto it, he whirled round and turned on the light, then turned back. Ella peered up at him, absurdly small on the giant leather couch, her little legs stuck out in front of her. She looked impossibly cute. Now what? he thought. 

He sat down next to her and rubbed his eyes, as sleep threatened to catch up with him. He felt like he'd been awake for years, but the day's events seemed a million miles away. Immediately his thoughts rushed back to Elizabeth. How was she doing? How much damage was there? He felt an huge urge to pick up the phone and ring the hospital. But what could they tell him-that she was still in surgery? Hardly worth disturbing the already busy staff for.

He shook himself out of his thoughts and glanced sideways at Ella. Who wasn't there. He looked about him, stomach leaping with dread. But the little girl hadn't gone far. In fact she was leaning on the coffee table, picking up coasters and shaking them before

dropping them on the floor. Robert, several gears behind, just watched her for a moment. Then she alighted upon the collection of remote controls and put one in her mouth. He dived off the couch and grabbed it off her. She looked at him for a moment, and then her features began to crease up. Even a childcare novice knew what that meant.

'Oh no-' he began, but Ella beat him to it and began a gurgling cry.

He closed his eyes. This was such a bad idea, he thought, I don't have the first clue about this. He opened his eyes again. Ella was still there, her face turning red. She had her hand out and was grabbing for the remote.

'You really want this?' he asked, not knowing what else to do.

Ella stopped crying and took some sharp little breaths. She looked up at him then back at the remote again.

'It doesn't do much,' he said and flicked the on switch. 

The TV blared into life, stuck on some Reality show. He didn't watch much TV, or he hadn't until recently. His time off work had given him a strange appetite for trashy television. Ella was instantly transfixed. Her eyes widened and she jigged up and down a bit.

'Data TV,' she said, 'data prong.'

'Yep that's the TV,' he replied and flicked the channel over onto a news programme.

Ella wrinkled her nose.

'Not a fan?' asked Robert and seeming to understand, Ella shook her head vigorously.

He smiled a little and continued channel hopping. Ella registered her disapproval loudly, with a series of strange little words and sounds until eventually he alighted on a programme which transformed her face into a grinning smile. She giggled and clapped her hands excitedly.

'Finally,' he said, 'you're one picky little madam.'

Still smiling he looked up at what she had chosen. It was an old re-run of The Muppet Show. His smile widened.

'You like this too?' he asked her, 'good taste.'

Ella, focused on the TV clapped her hands some more and Robert found himself joining her, quite unaware of why he was doing so. She looked at him and clapped her hands again, prompting him to do it back. This game continued for a while, until the sketch changed and Ell's attention was diverted again. Robert found himself a little sad that he was no longer interesting and reached out a hand to smooth her hair.

He had never fully understood the attraction of having children. Most of the ones he saw were sick or grumpy, or both. To have a kid was to put yourself through the emotional wringer, worrying about them one minute and laughing with them the next.

Now he thought he was beginning to understand. Kids could make you feel like the best human on the planet no matter how much of a...a Muppet you were.

He pulled his hand away and tore himself from her side for a moment to drag over the bag that Chris had left him with. He unzipped it and rifled around.

'Okay, no 'Toddlers for Dummies',' he said aloud, 'but lets see if Miss Chris did put in anything useful.'

Toys-he pulled them out-and some clothes which might come in handy. Powder, wipes, a couple of jars of baby food-yes those clothes will definitely come in handy-spoons, a cardboard kids book and finally a rather large, if dog-eared blanket. He pulled that out too. As he did so he caught the scent of something familiar. Elizabeth's perfume. The whirl of emotions came up again and suppressed them. This was going to be hard. 

His damn imagination kept picturing the worst. He knew the frenzied beeping of alarms as a patient failed and the horrendous damage a single bullet could do. All those memories converged in a sickening dream with Elizabeth's battered body at the centre.

Ella began singing. Robert glanced over at her. There didn't appear to be any words and there certainly wasn't a tune, but she was still merrily going along with the song currently being performed on the show. He laughed out loud and watched her antics, spellbound. When she finished he clapped and cheered, earning him a curious, if happy look from Ella.

He left the bag and re-joined her. She had climbed on the couch and was sitting with her legs dangling over the edge. Robert pushed all of his gruesome dreams away and for the next half an hour, they were both absorbed, re-acting in the extreme to the stupid plots and antics on the show. They even sang along with some bits. He hadn't been this happy in a long time.

After the show finished, Ella wiped her eyes and he wondered whether she was tired.

'Sleepy?' he asked.

Ella didn't reply but pointed to one of the toys on the table, a black dog and said,

'Black, black!'

He followed her finger and picked it up. She took it eagerly and hugged it in one arm, sticking her other thumb in her mouth and leaning back onto the sofa, resting her head against him.

Robert felt weirdly happy and didn't dare move. He wondered if she would fall asleep there and watched her as she played with the toy dog. 

'I used to have a dog,' he said, feeling the need to fill the silence, 'she was a big dog. A big, brown dog called Gretel. You know, like the fairytale?'

Ella looked up at him and held out the toy. He took it and held it absently.

'Its a very nice dog,' he said, 'Gretel's gone now. But she was old, so it was expected.'

He held the dog back out to her and Ella took it. Two-year olds don't understand death, he thought suddenly. There's no way anyone could explain it to a small child. He wondered if Elizabeth had ever tried to explain to Ella about Mark. He'd never liked the man, but he had been her father and no one deserved to grow up without a father. 

Then again, he thought, I would quite cheerfully have liked to grow up without my father. Brutal and abusive, dominating with both his fists and his temper and ignorant to boot. Robert dismissed him. His father wasn't important, he was merely the template of bad fathering.

'You hungry?' he asked Ella, suddenly.

He did a stupid little mime of eating. Ella shook her head. I hope she understands, he thought.

She pulled out her thumb and said,

'Potty.'

Robert raised his eyebrows.

'What?'

'Potty!' she whined.

Oh Lizzie you never told me you were potty training her, he thought despairingly. Ella looked at him innocently, still sucking her thumb.

'Right,' he sighed.

*

Later, after dealing with the little problem, Robert had also managed to get her changed into her pyjamas. Sitting her on the toilet seat he washed her face and hands and used a comb her found in the bag to brush her hair.

'There,' he said, 'you look beautiful. Just like your mother.'

Ella yawned cutely. Robert picked her up in his arm and brought her back downstairs again. I'm getting the hang of this, he thought, although I have to say having both arms would make it much easier.

He expected her to go to sleep quite easily, as she kept rubbing her eyes and yawning, but instead she got irritable and began crying. 

Nothing seemed to calm her. He tried the TV again, but that didn't work. He tried her toys but she just threw them on the floor. He picked her up and she wailed in his ear, deafening him. Out of options he began to walk around the room, making what he hoped were comforting noises, but she still cried just as loudly. With lungs like that, she'll be a prime opera singer, he thought.

Ah-ha! said his addled brain-music. It can soothe the savage beast, lets see if it works on the savage child.

He moved to the stereo and flicked it on. He didn't know what was in the CD player, but he turned the sound down and pressed play.

A gorgeous vocal piece swam out of the speakers. Ella quietened almost immediately. He turned up the music and swayed back and forth gently, as her cries gradually subsided and she took little, gasping breaths. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he felt her damp face pressed on his chest.

He searched his mind for the title of the piece. Ah, yes-The Lamb by Tavener. Soft vocal harmonies spoke William Blake's eternal words to the silent room. Two glittering streams of water slowly made their way down his face. As the piece finished, Robert opened his eyes and felt his cheeks were damp. He swallowed and hastily wiped them away with his sleeve. Ella's breathing was slow and steady, her eyes closed. 

Suddenly the phone rang. He started at its loudness in the still house and glanced at Ella. She stirred fitfully and he ran, as quickly as he dared to the phone, picking it up and taking a deep breath before answering.

'Hello?' 

'Dr Romano, its Jacy here, you said you wanted-'

'Is it over, are they finished?' he demanded.

'Yes, it's over. They got out about five minutes ago. Dr Anspaugh says everything has gone as well as can be expected. She's in ICU being monitored.'

Thank God, thank God...

'And the damage? How bad was it?'

'They had to remove one of her kidneys and part of the liver. They also had some problems with the stomach but they think they've solved everything. We'll know more when she wakes up.'

Robert felt like he was going to float away with relief. 

'Thanks Jacy. That's great. Could you phone me when she wakes?'

'Sure. But that might not be for a while. Do you still want me to let you know when her parents get here?'

'Oh-whichever comes first.'

Robert put the phone down in a daze and gazed down at Ella.

'Hear that Ella,' he whispered, 'your mom's gonna be fine. All patched up. Thank God.'

He peered into the living room, grabbed Ella's toy dog and switched off the light using his nose again.

He wearily climbed the stairs and entered his room. He had no-where else to put Ella and wanted to keep her close, so he laid Ella gently on one side of the bed, then pulled off the covers and threw off the pillows on the other side. Carefully he laid her down on that side and pulled the covers up around her. She murmured in her sleep and turned over.

Despite his tiredness, he was reluctant to go to sleep. He'd only spent a few hours with the girl but already he felt protective of her. She was his responsibility now and he didn't want anything to happen to her.

He sat on the bed, in the dark room, hearing the distant sounds of traffic. 

Elizabeth was safe, he thought. He knew she wasn't wholly out of danger, but he ignored this and focused on the fact that she was out of surgery and more or less, in one piece.

He ran through the day, from the first shots, to his venture down the corridor and his first conversation with Martin. He traced back through what he had said, missing parts of it and not wishing to remember them. He remembered Elizabeth's voice, her face and the rivers of blood. 

Then Robert went back further, back to the reason she was in that room in the first place. He could have got anyone to talk to Mrs Graham, but no, he'd chosen her. He had seen her standing at the nurses station and was burnt with resentment and longing. So he'd thrown her into the room and left her there. It was just supposed to be another game. A reason to talk to her and try to be part of her life.

'You're too old for games, Robert,' he said to himself, 'you're too...damaged for them.'

What was he waiting for? For her to suddenly break down and relent just so he'd stop hassling her? He had no idea what he was doing, no idea how to show her these feelings which he didn't want to have.

She'd almost died. Her life was certainly broken now. After everything that's happened to her, I think enough is enough.

Robert stared down at Ella. He made a decision. From now on, it was going to stop. No more games. The unthinkable was going to happen. He was going to try and get over Elizabeth Corday.

Dun-dun-dun! Gee, think they've got enough to talk about? Well, stay tuned for the next chapter-Robert and Elizabeth. Talking together. Finally.


	24. Changed

Disclaimer: What do you think? I mean really?

A/N: First off, we apologise for the delay. My part-time job suddenly became full-time to cover someone's holiday hours and I've been very busy and tired. 

Also this is a particularly important chapter and I wanted to make it, well, good. It's hard to get the balance between things and not make it too mushy or melodramatic. 

I bow down to my readers and reviewers whose kind words keep me afloat. Do you really think Robert's going to get over Elizabeth? And me being the cliff hanger queen? Thought not. 

Susan returns-I really have to do a fanfic with her one of these days.

This is actually one big chapter chopped into two because it was too long.

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Elizabeth stared out of the window. The yellow sunlight trickled through the blinds and drew streaks across her bed.

Since waking briefly in the night, she had slept again and was now so awake she thought she would never sleep again.

Her head was thick, her chest hurt and her eyes were dim. She felt slow from painkillers and medication, but on another level she was firing on all cylinders. Her mind observed the coming and going of nurses and doctors with acute alertness, identifying words and conditions and names as if she was observing them from a few centimetres away.

It was strange and a little dull. Anspaugh, Edson and Davidson had all been in at various intervals to check on her and had been extremely professional and polite. Even Edson. She couldn't thank them in any coherent form but felt they knew how grateful she was anyway. Anspaugh in particular seemed softer than he usually was, smiling and patting her hand.

The first thing she had asked about upon waking was about Ella. The nurse in charge had looked a little confused then Jacy, whom Elizabeth suspected had been eavesdropping, came over with a mischievous smiled on her face and explained everything.

Elizabeth had regarded her with disbelief as she told her about Chris' flying visit and Robert literally holding the baby. She briefly wondered if she was still dreaming. She vaguely remembered Chris having problems with her hours at the moment, but Robert actually agreeing to take Ella home with him? How long had she been asleep?

Jacy had laughed and said the little girl looked quite at home with him. As the nurse walked away, Elizabeth suddenly remembered her words to Robert during their brief phone conversation. She had asked him to take care of Ella. And he had. God, I could ask him to jump off a bridge for me and he'd consider it, she thought. 

The dream she had had whilst asleep was so vivid, so real and so full of emotion. She still couldn't quite grasp what it meant, if it meant anything at all. She was sure it did.

She remembered Mark's words about finding herself again and not running away. Elizabeth didn't know if she'd be able to start her life again, knowing how they had broken, but felt a strange reassurance nonetheless.

In the still light of morning, surrounded by people teetering between life and death, thoughts jumped around her head.

She wondered how she would react when she spoke to Robert again. She ached to see Ella. She heard gunshots echo down the corridor.

A visit from a psychiatrist later, she was still far from better and wanted to see someone familiar. So it was with delight that she noticed Susan Lewis walking, or rather hovering around the doorway.

'Susan!' she called.

Susan's round, smiling face poked through the door and looked around.

'Any Stalinist nurses about? I hear they're pretty strict round here,' she said.

'No, no, you're safe. I'm just so happy to see a familiar face. I mean apart from the nurses and they're so busy,' answered Elizabeth.

Susan entered and crept to her bedside.

'We heard you were awake. Everyone downstairs was battling to come up so we drew straws. Carter won, but I beat him with an IV pole and came instead,' she said, grinning.

'I'm glad you did. Although I hope his injuries weren't too bad, we don't need anymore doctors out of it around here,' said Elizabeth.

Her head was clearing slightly and the painkillers were certainly doing their job. Susan sat and Elizabeth spent a few minutes discussing how she was feeling, the fate of Jane Graham (doing fine) and catching up on gossip. It was silly, trivial stuff but it made Elizabeth feel much better. It was normal and comforting. Susan had a knack for putting people at their ease.

'So, I heard what Dr Romano did,' said Susan, finally.

Elizabeth sighed. Back to reality.

'Yes. We spoke a little whilst I...well you know. It's the most bizarre thing, I can't get my head around it.'

'Took a lot of guts I know that. At the moment its so much hospital rumour but I heard it direct from Kerry. Quite a shock to me too. I saw him after you came out. He looked so tired, but then who wouldn't.'

Elizabeth gave a small laugh.

'You don't seem to hate Robert as much as some others. Why?'

Now Susan chuckled.

'I don't know. I guess he just doesn't bother me and he's a good doctor,' she explained.

Elizabeth closed her eyes briefly. She was still so exhausted but didn't want to sleep. She heard the creak of a chair and opened her eyes to see Susan standing again.

'You need to rest. You've been through, well, a whole load of crap and I'm just disturbing you.'

'No you're not. I've slept so much I don't want to anymore. Besides, talking helps keep my head clear, as strange as that may sound.'

Jacy appeared beside Susan.

'I hope you're not bothering our patient,' she said, lightly.

Elizabeth waved her hands.

'Both of you stop it. I may be an invalid but I hate being treated like one,' she said firmly.

Jacy shook her head.

'The worst patients,' she said, knowingly, 'I have news you're going to like. Dr Romano's bringing your daughter in. I hope you don't mind but I took the liberty of saying you were up to it. Figured you'd love to see her.' 

Elizabeth was transported with joy. As Jacy walked away she began to prop herself up. 

'Here, let me,' said Susan and Elizabeth let her.

'I thought I might never...well I don't know what I thought,' confessed Elizabeth as the other doctor padded her pillows.

'It's okay you don't have to explain to me,' said Susan, 'there lie back and, this is a little delayed but-Dr Romano took Ella home?'

Her face was wide-eyed and Elizabeth realised how she must have looked when Jacy told her the news.

'Yes. He's obviously going for his Superman badge. I can't think...I mean, Chris has been having problems with her hours but-for him to do it?' Elizabeth said, half to herself.

'Well its you isn't it,' said Susan, standing again, 'its pretty obvious...never mind.'

Elizabeth looked up at her, suddenly alert.

'Pretty obvious?' she said, imploringly, 'What is? Come on Susan, you've been honest with me so far.'

Susan dithered for a moment, but Elizabeth knew being an invalid had some advantages, like people not wanting to cause you more pain.

'Just the way he looks at you. I...I've been the target of un-requited love before but those looks. It's probably only obvious to me though,' she shrugged.

The notion of Mark hung in the air between them. It had always been something of a barrier between them, Elizabeth struggling to understand their shared history and the woman she knew he had loved. But hadn't Mark told her to get on with her life? Not just in a romantic sense but in other ways too-to find herself and find other people.

'It's difficult,' Elizabeth murmured.

'He's a difficult man,' said Susan, 'only you seem to be the only one who understands him too. I mean, you're his friend, I'm more an acquaintance he doesn't shout at.'

Elizabeth looked away and studied her hands. It kept coming back to Robert didn't it? Susan's pager jumped into life and she grabbed it.

'Damn-MVA. Life never stops does it?'

Elizabeth shook her head.

'I have to go. Its been wonderful seeing you Elizabeth.'

She disappeared quickly, Elizabeth feeling she was grateful for the escape route. They'd just strayed into some fairly awkward territory and Elizabeth felt more confused than ever. Everything was so chaotic. She felt lost, abandoned in a new place where she was just meeting the locals. 

She blinked at the sunlight. A strange new day.

*

Robert wasn't sure if he should visit Elizabeth this early into her recovery, but decided that she would definitely want to see Ella and he could make a hasty getaway. 

He rang Chris and told her the news in the morning, telling her that she could pick Ella up from the hospital. He would go in, drop Ella off and get the hell out of that room before all his good intentions fell down around his ears.

His resolution to get over Elizabeth seemed a somewhat strange memory but he was determined to go through with it. Thinking about it made his stomach hurt and forced him to take deep breaths.

Ella was not a morning girl, but he steadfastly ignored her protests and calmed her with the news that she would be seeing her mother soon. He dressed and fed her and got her into the taxi as quickly as possible. Before leaving he rang the hospital again to check Elizabeth was up to visitors and Jacy said she was.

In a blur he was driven to the hospital, climbing out of the car, paying the driver and stepping into the lift. Ella, cuddling her toy dog and leaning against his shoulder, looked about her hopefully.

'Nearly there,' said Robert, 'Now remember-Ella look at me-remember how I said Mommy is very sick?'

The little girl nodded.

'Okay. So we have to be very quiet and very good. Well you have to be. I have to go.'

'Rob go?'

'Yeah.'

'Whereit?'

'Well, we adults have exciting things to do called jobs. Believe me, you wouldn't want to come.'

The lift doors opened and there was no going back. He stepped onto the surgical floor, the familiar sounds and smells sweeping over him. This was home. Correction, this had been home. 

Yesterday seemed a world away, but he was reminded of it by the few policemen who were about the place and the police tape that littered the area. Blood still splattered the floor and he passed quickly, skirting the nurse's desk.

'She's awake,' said Jacy, barely looking up from her clipboard, 'I told her you were coming in.'

He thanked her and walked down the corridor towards ICU, just like he'd done a thousand times, just like always. Only this time it wasn't to see an anonymous patient it was to see someone far more important.

Remember Robert, you're turning over a new leaf. A strange new day.

*

Elizabeth heard shoes squeak to a halt in the doorway. Her bed was positioned so she could see out of the door easily, but for a second she did not move. She was gazing into the sunlight. Then she turned her head. 

At first, seeing Robert in the doorway threw her back into her dream, back into an uneasy place filled with emotion. 

But this time, there was no shadowed face, no aggressive stance and most importantly, no gun.

There was an odd symmetry to the image. He looked stiff and nervous, his arm clasped around a small girl instead of an instrument of death. A beautiful, baby girl with golden curls. Her child.

'Ella!' she gasped.

Ella's own face lit up and she held out pudgy arms. Robert moved forward swiftly and re-untied mother and daughter, Elizabeth enfolding her child in huge hug.

Robert felt the need to make some kind of remark to diffuse all this emotional nonsense, but for the life of him he couldn't think what. 

Seeing Elizabeth, bathed in golden light, her hair like fire had, for a second, made all his resolutions disappear. In his eyes, she was nothing but beautiful. His resolve returned, but it was weakened and he murmured,

'Chris'll be by to pick her up soon. I've got her stuff here. I'll...I'll leave you two alone.'

He stroked Ella's head then caught Elizabeth's eye, full of something unidentifiable, and pulled his hand away. He turned to go, willing himself not to break.

'Robert wait!' 


	25. Talk to me

Like I said-one big chapter, keep reading.

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Elizabeth spoke a little more plaintively than she would have liked and he must have noticed because he turned and looked at her, confused. It must be the meds, he thought, she's still coming out of it.

'I mean,' Elizabeth continued, hastily, searching for words, 'I want to talk to you. I'm fine, I've been resting for hours, I'm perfectly awake.'

Slowly Robert sat down, looking decidedly uncomfortable. Elizabeth kissed Ella's head repeatedly, then finally pulled herself away. The little girl, being like all two-year-olds, didn't quite understand all the fuss and began playing with her black dog up and down the sheets.

Elizabeth smiled warmly, then looked up at Robert. His face was drawn and pale and he pressed his lips together avoiding her gaze. Oh dear, she thought, I have enough trouble with Ella and I have both hands.

'Robert,' she began, seriously, 'I cannot thank you enough. I really can't. When Jacy told me I...well I'll admit it, I was stunned.'

Robert let a rueful smile pass his lips.

'I'm not quite sure if that's a compliment,' he said, teasingly, 'but I'll take it as one.'

Elizabeth, still slightly behind things, quickly shook her head.

'Oh, no, no, it was a compliment,' she said, firmly, 'I mean-I have trouble with Ella, er, at the best of times.'

She didn't want to bring up his arm. She always felt bad when she mentioned it, but now she could understand at least some of the emotions he had been feeling. And all by himself too. You idiot Robert, she thought.

'It was hell,' he said, still keeping it light-hearted, 'at one point the police were called in and had to talk me off the roof.'

He felt on firmer ground talking like this, avoiding the serious emotional stuff. Elizabeth smiled and looked down at Ella.

'Thank you,' she said, again.

Robert caught himself gazing at her the way he always did when she wasn't looking and checked himself. His resolve was dwindling. You could never just get over her, he thought; you can barely be friends. Face facts bud, you're hooked and you know it.

'Truth be told and don't let this out, but I may have actually enjoyed it. I said may. Anyway enough thanking Lizzie, you're going to give me a complex,' he said.

'Tough,' she replied, with renewed strength, 'because I haven't finished yet. And you have to stay there because I've just been through an incredibly traumatic experience and it might impede my recovery if I don't get my own way.'

Robert looked a little stunned at her reply. She sounded not only like herself, undisturbed by events, but like the Lizzie he had not glimpsed for a long time.

Elizabeth grinned at his stunned astonishment and stroked her daughter's head. Impulsively she gathered her up and plopped her on her own lap, holding her arms around her loosely. Ella showed her her toy and they had a quiet moment as Robert recovered.

'So, you'll telltale to your therapist?' he finally came up with.

Elizabeth, still absorbed in Ella, nodded. 

'Absolutely. He came in this morning talking about my recovery, all the states I'd go through, how I'd have to have sessions blah, blah, blah. Basically everything's going to be tough. Well, you know that,' she explained.

'I hate therapists Lizzie. They wanted me to go to one, but I told them it'd be better for her health if I didn't,' Robert said, conversationally.

'Well I'm a good girl. I listened to him. And he said no unnecessary stress which I'm taking that everyone has to do what I say.'

Robert raised his eyebrows. Elizabeth noticed the little laughter lines around his eyes.

'Unnecessary stress? You do realise that in the dictionary I'm under those words as a definition?'

Elizabeth rolled her eyes at him and stroked Ella's cheek. His heart leapt. Give it up, he thought, you don't have to tell her, but your sure not going to get over her. 

'You did a very brave and amazing thing yesterday Robert,' she said, 'I...was with Martin and know what he was like. To talk to him, to listen and negotiate like that with no training? Just unbelievable.'

Robert just shrugged and placed his hand over his slinged arm.

'I had to do it. Besides lets not forget your input. You managed to convince him to send the Graham kid out where I nearly blew it.'

Elizabeth looked surprised. Despite yesterday's events being hazy, she did remember some things.

'How did you know?' she asked, curious, 'did someone tell you?'

'Ah, yeah, yeah,' said Robert hastily, not wishing her to be freaked out by the way he thought of her as superwoman,'it was Mrs Graham, Helen, she told us. They're both doing okay now by the way. The kids likely to pull through.'

'I know,' she said, 'Susan told me.'

'Dr Lewis was here?'

'She was my first visitor. She's quite all right actually. Your heroics aren't going to be secret for long,' Elizabeth said, with a mischievous smile.

'Thank you,' he said, 'but knowing the imbeciles down there, they'll all be getting into trouble and I'll be the one called into help. I don't want to get a reputation.'

'For what? Being a decent, no, brave human being? Heaven forbid!'

His nervousness slipped and he laughed, leaning forward. Elizabeth relaxed too. She felt better dealing with Robert when he was being himself. The vulnerable defeated side of him, whilst endearing and human, was just a bit scary at times.

'We're getting off the point,' she said briskly, 'you're getting us off the point, I'm going to thank you properly Robert if its the last thing I do. I want you to know just what an incredible thing you did.'

She said the last bit looking him full in the eyes, willing the statement into him. He let the words sink in, captivated by her gaze.

'I'm not sure what you want me to say Lizzie,' he said finally, rubbing his chin and breaking the stare.

Elizabeth kept looking at him even as he turned away. She wouldn't want him to change.

'Okay I'll drop it,' she said, 'although it's fun watching you squirm.'

He grinned, still looking sideways and ran his eyes up the drip.

'That all they're giving you?' he asked, inner doctor taking over, 'it's not exactly that strong, you should be on dop-'

'Er, hello, doctor too you know!' said Elizabeth, waving a hand, 'I'm fine. Besides too much and I'd be out of it and I want to be wide awake.'

She kissed the top of Ella's head. Robert watched her. Her determination to apologise had touched him and even made him feel a bit proud. But she shouldn't be thanking him. She should be smacking him. 

'Elizabeth I'm sorry,' he blurted out, 'if I hadn't made you stay. I'm just an arrogant bas-ah-person. If you hated me I would understand. You want to shout at me, then really go ahead.'

Elizabeth paused. She hadn't wanted to talk about this but now she was going to have to.

'I had a lot of time to think whilst I was...disposed,' she said, in a very British manner, 'I saw some odd things, dreamt some odd dreams. Don't worry I won't go into them. But I've always been honest with you Robert. I've never felt the need not to be, it's the only way I could cope.'

Robert knew the last bit was a joke, but his stomach twinged nonetheless.

'I know,' he said, 'I've always admired that about you, its one of the things I...I like about you.'

His voice had lowered slightly and the air in the room seemed very still. Ella was staring sleepily out into the room, humming slightly. The machines thrummed in the background, but they and the noise of voices and telephones sounded far away. Elizabeth did not dare look at him. She knew she was in shock and high on meds and disorientated by everything, but she was filled with the need to have him there and listening.

'I did blame you Robert,' she said finally, drawing her eyes up and across his face, 'I did. Because you have to play these games with me, with everyone, and this time the game nearly ended in death. I nearly died. I am grateful beyond words for what you did for me and Ella, but that doesn't stop me being angry with you.'

The air remained still. Elizabeth ploughed on.

'Look at us,' she said, 'we're both in the same bloody boat. We've been battered by this job-literally. And, what's ridiculous is, is that its taken all this stuff with your arm to get you to open up to me and what's more its taken this to get me to open up to you. We're friends Robert. I lost myself somewhere Robert. And you lost yourself somewhere too, though God knows where.'

Robert looked at her during this speech, seeing determination flashing through her features. She had said they were friends. 

'We're friends? You sure you want to admit that?' he said, his tone lighter, but still quiet.

Elizabeth cocked her head to one side. 

'No stress,' she repeated, 'shush for a while.'

He did, grateful because he didn't know what to say. He just watched her, considering her words. She blamed him, she hated him and she was his friend. Well, their relationship had never been simple had it?

For a while, they sat in silence. Elizabeth felt she had said everything she could for now. She suddenly felt uncomfortable and tried to prop herself up more. She winced as she did so and without thinking Robert shot up and reached over to help her. 

'I told you the dosage should be more,' he said, 'I mean its not like just had a bit of a stomach ache or anything-'

Convulsively, Elizabeth grabbed his arm. He stared at her, her face drained and breathing sharp.

'Lizzie? Elizabeth, what is it? What's wrong? Are you in pain, I'll get someone-'

But Elizabeth shook her head and tightened her grip on his arm. Robert sat down again, extremely worried.

Elizabeth didn't understand what was going on. She had felt a pain in her chest where she had been shot and-

And that was it. She had been shot. She rolled the words around inside her, just like she had done before but it wasn't real then, nothing was real, nothing made sense it was like she was in a film. Now it had hit her and she couldn't stop the sobs that choked out of her.

Tears began to stream down her face and she was crying. Robert stared at her, feeling her hand on his arm. He wanted to make the pain stop. 

Without a word, he moved his arm slowly and her shaking hand slipped off and fell onto the bed. Then he sat on the bed beside her and placed his arm around her shoulders. Elizabeth let go and leaned into him. She let out all the pain and anguish that had welled up inside her. 

Robert didn't know what to say or do, so he just held her and rocked slightly and smiled down at Ella's slightly bewildered face. He savoured her warmth and her closeness. He didn't have to tell her he loved her, but he didn't have to let go. He couldn't.

After what seemed like an age she whispered.

'I can't do this alone.'

Robert swallowed.

'Neither can I,' he admitted.

Elizabeth tightened her grip around his waist. It was just what she wanted to hear.

'So you'll let me help you?' she asked.

'I think you'll be needing the help first,' he said, quietly.

Elizabeth paused, then raised her head and made him look at her. Her eyes were watery pools of blue and Robert felt like he was flying. 

'We'll have to do it together then,' she said.

Now it was Robert's turn to pause, before feeling bold and leaning forward to kiss her forehead. It reminded him of being back in that room, but this time she was warm and smelt fresh and alive. 

'Chrissy!'

They both turned. Chris was leaning a little awkwardly against the doorframe. Ella had recognised her immediately and called out her name.

'Elizabeth, Dr Romano,' Chris acknowledged with a grin.

Neither Robert nor Elizabeth were eager to move but Robert took the initiative to save Elizabeth too much embarrassment and withdrew his arm, standing up.

'That's my cue,' he said, lightly.

He waved a goodbye to Ella, shot a last glance at Elizabeth and turned away.

'Thank you so much Dr Romano,' said Chris as he passed.

Robert dismissed her with a wave of his hand and stepped into the corridor.

'You'll come back won't you?' Elizabeth called after him.

Her turned and smiled.

'You have to ask?' he said.

And with that, he was gone. Elizabeth gazed after him and smiled.

'So you're..friends now?' asked Chris.

'Something like that,' said Elizabeth, unsure as to what they were really, 'something like that.'


	26. Back to reality

Disclaimer: I don't-oh I can't bothered.

A/N: Apologies for the delay. I was dealing with some severe writer's block. Then I sat down and started typing and ended up with this giant chapter. Funny that. I split it up again, just for ease of reading.

I'm still sort of unsure as to where this will go or rather how I will arrive at my final chapter. Its a slow burner I know, but you've all been ever so patient so far so I'm hoping you'll stick with it.

This begins after the last chapter, then jumps ahead a bit. I'm trying to bring Robert's arm in a bit too because its still there and it's still not working and I can't ignore it anymore!

I join the ranks of those who don't know medicine and therefore suck at writing traumas, but I wanted Robert to, you know, do medicine and that.

Also-don't know police stuff, this is all just picked up from watching too much TV.

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Robert trailed slowly up the steps to his front door. He needed to sleep for an incredibly long time. Last night he'd only managed to get a few hours in, preferring to keep awake and keep an eye on Ella.

Thoughts, good, bad, indifferent and just plain weird tossed around his sleep deprived brain. He knew his resolution to get over Elizabeth was doomed and decided to abandon himself to his fate. Perhaps, in time, it would fade or maybe he'd meet someone else, someone who made him feels alive like she did. But for now, he would remain the poster child for unrequited, ill-fated love.

He fumbled at the lock with his key and fell inside yawning. He stared at the stairs, wished he had a stair lift and stumbled into the living room. It was still a mess from Ella's antics. The thought of her made him smile as he crashed onto the sofa. Something prodded him. He reached behind him and pulled out a plastic square-one of Ella's toys.

Me with a kid, he thought, my mother would be so proud. But last nights events had convinced him of one thing. That he could still do something. It had been hard, and he wasn't what you'd call a natural but spending time with Ella, someone who needed him, made him feel gosh darn it, pretty good.

He closed his eyes. And Elizabeth was okay. That was the best thing in the world. She was changed somewhat, but no one could go through something that traumatic and remain the same. 

Except you, he thought. Go away, I'm having a moment here he argued back. 

She'd cried, that was true but he'd been there for her. She'd felt so warm and soft and real. 

But soon she'll have other people to do that, said his mind traitorously, her parents and friends. And don't forget she was high as a kite when you saw her. He placed the niggling thoughts at the back of his mind and concentrated on the happy ones.

With Ella's toy still curled in his hand, he fell asleep.

*

Elizabeth's parents arrived the next day. Her mother took up residence in the house and her father in a hotel a safe distance from the house. They put there bickering to one side for a while to comfort their daughter and Elizabeth was grateful for them. It also meant someone was there to take care of Ella. 

Cards and flowers arrived in the first week and a stream of visitors the week after. People from all over the hospital popped in to say hello. Elizabeth wasn't sure if they were coming out of some sense of duty or actual concern but she was touched nonetheless.

Susan visited whenever she got the chance and Elizabeth was grateful for the doctor's dry wit and practical outlook. They even discussed Ella, and Susan mentioned her brief fling with single motherhood, making Elizabeth warm to her even more.

But surprisingly, one person kept a distance. Robert visited once after that first time and had to rush off quickly. Despite what had passed between them he still seemed uncomfortable. Elizabeth wasn't sure if it was the fact his little flirtation with police work was now common knowledge or the honest words they had exchanged or the fact her parents were now on the scene. Whatever it was, she found herself wishing that he would come back again so they could talk.

It was a strange feeling and she couldn't explain it.

*

Robert walked out into the ER and headed for trauma 2. He had returned to work pretty quickly, ignoring Donald's protests that he should take some time out.

He was meeting Donald tomorrow to have a proper, serious meeting and he thought he knew why. Donald wanted to talk to him about his work as Chief of Surgery. Can't have a CoS who doesn't actually perform surgery now can we? He absently drew a fingernail across his slinged arm. Nothing. No movement, no feeling, nothing. 

He slammed into trauma 2, grateful for the noise and chaos to take his mind off things. 

A man lay on the gurney, screaming bloody murder, with a nice peppering of gunshot wounds

'Isn't this pretty,' said Robert, pulling on a gown and glove with a nurse's help.

Carter who was trying to hold the man down and listen to his lungs at the same time, gave him the details.

'Multiple GSW's. Three in the chest, one in the leg and one in the arm. This lung sounds like its been pierced.

'Oh lovely,' said Robert, checking the wounds, 'I take it he wasn't merely taking a stroll in the wrong part of town?'

'They were on my patch!' gasped the man, 'I got a good patch! God, what're you doing to me!?'

Chen peeled back the dressing on the leg wound and a spurt of blood leapt onto the wall.

'Hey watch it, we just had this place redecorated!' snarked Robert.

'This ones hit an artery-clamp!' said Chen, ignoring him.

'BP's dropping,' said Abby, handing her the instrument.

'Two more units!' shouted Carter.

'Well I think this may seem rather obsolete but, as I am getting paid for this, I think he's definitely going to need surgery,' said Robert.

'We need to stabilise him first,' Carter shouted, 'Chen how're you doing?'

'I've got this one, but it's the ones in the chest we need to worry about.'

'Why can't I breath?' struggled the man, 'my chest feels tight!'

'Sir, one of the bullets has punctured you're lung, but don't worry, we're going to sort it out. Dr Romano could you check the other two wounds?'

'What do you think I'm doing Dr Carter, the polka?'

But the patient was of most importance to both doctors and they temporarily put aside their differences in order to stabilise the man. After working hard for fifteen minutes, he was finally stable enough to go upstairs.

'Are you going to be doing it?' the man demanded, as Robert slammed the rails into position, 'coz I don't want you, I want a doc with two arms!'

'Well, we don't provide those for drug dealers,' said Robert, grimly, 'you only get half a doctor.'

'Don't worry,' called Carter, as the man was wheeled out, 'you got Dr Romano, otherwise known as Superdoc.' 

Robert ignored the stifled giggles from the trauma team and punched the lift button, irritably. He had been getting them for a while, now that people knew his 'heroics' upstairs were true and not just rumour. 

And it wasn't just stifled laughing. There were meaningful looks exchanged when people thought he wouldn't notice, subtle yet pointed comments and some bright spark had even drawn a cartoon in the men's toilets. School-kid pranks, he thought, I suppose I should wack someone with a toy truck to get them off my case.

The fact that he hadn't said or done anything to indicate any pleasure with his new status just made him more appealing as a target.

The lift doors opened.

'Dr Romano?'

Shirley leaned over the nurse's station and waved a phone at him.

'Call for you, line two. It's Yvonne Brown.'

Robert handed the man over to the team to get him ready and took the phone off Shirley.

'Miss Brown, what a pleasant surprise. What can I do for you? Armed robber you want out of a bank or maybe some guy's threatening to blow himself up on the El?'

Yvonne chuckled.

'Well you've lost none of your charm,' she answered.

'What can I say, its a flaw. As fun as this is, I have a patient doing a fair impression of a golf course to deal with so...'

'Okay, lets ditch the small talk then. We're dealing with your performance at the moment anyway, so I don't really have time. Forms to fill in, questions to answer...but I'm ringing to tell you this personally rather than through some letter. Boss called me in this morning. Turns out that you're quite the publicity card. You're being given a special honour, an Award for Bravery, that the CPD usually only award to cops.'

'I'm honoured,' said Robert, stonily.

'Easy on the enthusiasm their mister,' said Yvonne, 'they want to do a presentation, photographs-the whole shebang-'

'Woah, you can hold it there. There is no power on Earth that could get me to go to anything like that.'

'Odd, I figured you'd be all for the ego-boosting.'

Robert let that one go. Most people thought it was weird he wasn't revealing more in the praise, but he just felt awkward about the whole thing. There was nothing to celebrate.

'Yeah, well,' he said, quickly, 'maybe if it had involved, I don't know, medicine on any level I would be all for it. However, the whole hero deal doesn't sit well with my personality.'

'Well, all right. I'll tell the boss, but don't expect this to just go away. He's very into publicity. Oh, how's Dr Corday? I've been checking up on the victims but hospital information is so impersonal-just health stuff-and I want something more-'

'-personal.'

'Yep.'

'She's as well as can be expected. What with the recovery and dealing with her daughter and her parents and you guys sniffing around like she's so much fresh meat.'

'Just doing our job. We have to build a case.'

'A case? A dead guy and five witnesses aren't a case?'

'That's the point. Martin is going to be up for trial very soon. The sharks are going to shout 'temporary insanity' and we need to prove he was compus mentus. I don't want him walking free.'

Me, neither, thought Robert. Then something terrible struck him.

'Will she have to testify?' he asked, sharply, 'Dr Corday, I mean.'

'Ah, I've all ready let out too much, but...probably. I'm guessing we'll all have to, including you.'

Robert sighed heavily. More stress. And she'd have to repeat what had happened. She did not need this. He suddenly had to talk to Elizabeth. He'd been avoiding her; unwilling to bump into her parents and unsure as to whether she would want to see him again.

He said a quick goodbye to Yvonne and stood for a moment lost in thought. Shirley waved a hand at him.

'Dr Romano?'

He looked up.

'Your patient?'

'Oh yeah.'

He wandered into the scrub room and began to prepare. The surgery had all ready begun and as usual he'd be standing on the sidelines, but for once he wasn't too bothered. It would give him a chance to think about what he was going to do. After this, he was going straight to Elizabeth. 

*

Some kind of complicated shenanigans involving her father and the hospital had provided Elizabeth with a private room. She had protested she didn't need it, but was beginning to see how much patients were ignored, whilst people waffled on about what was best for them. 

Still it had an okay view. She looked out of her own window, over the weirdly attractive cityscape and leaned back in her chair. It was so quiet. Her father was bringing Ella in later, it being his day to take care of his 'cherub' as he called her. Chris was grateful for the time off, though she did say she would help out at any time.

It was just a case of waiting. Visits were more sporadic now. I'm less of a novelty, she thought. TV was dull and reading was losing its interest. 

There was a knock at the door. Susan coming round for another gossip, she wondered. 

'Come in,' she said, turning.


	27. Does it always have to end in tears?

Keep-a-readin' , then do some a-reviewin'-pleeeease. It makes me smile. 

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The door opened to reveal Robert, clad in OR scrubs with a package under his arm. He looked a bit embarrassed but couldn't hide the grin on seeing her. A huge smiled spread across her face too. Her spirits lifted, which was odd because Robert's presence had never had that effect on her before.

'Finally,' she said, abandoning any pretence, 'I thought you'd been scared away.'

Not entirely sure what she was referring too, but happy just to see her again, Robert walked in and closed the door.

'I didn't know my presence was so desired,' he said playfully, walking across and sitting beside her.

He could have sworn she blushed.

'Oh well it's a slight improvement on the nurses who just come in to poke and prod me and cause me great pain. What's that?' she asked, quickly.

Robert reached into the package and pulled out some magazines.

'Figured you'd be bored,' he said, 'but I suck at presents so-here.'

She took them with a smile and quickly looked through the pile.

'Crosswords?' she said, raising an eyebrow.

'It's a proven fact that crosswords help with the healing process,' he said, straight-faced.

'Really?' she asked.

'Yeah, you do a couple and you're so bored you heal quicker so you don't have to do anymore.'

She laughed. Robert made a mental score. He'd made her laugh, ding, one for him. He was trying to keep things light, silly even, to ease her into what he was going to say later. Much later though, because he was enjoying himself. This was just like normal. No, it was better than normal, because they were having a conversation like two human beings. And she was laughing.

Okay, we can try a little more. 

He reached into the bag again.

'Oh and there is of course this.'

He pulled out a lollypop. Elizabeth struggled not laugh, as it was beginning to hurt her side but was happy to play along.

'That for me?' she asked, evenly.

'Yes. Don't worry I got one for Ella too just in case she feels left out.'

'A lollypop?'

'What, Lizzie, you don't like it?'

'Well-'

'Cause I can keep it you know.'

'-shut up and give it here.'

'You're sure now.'

'Robert-'

'You sure you want my lollypop?'

'Don't make call the nurse.'

He considered a moment then held out the lollypop which she took with ceremony, then shook her head downwards, concealing her giggle.

'My side hurts now,' she said, smiling.

'Sorry,' said Robert, 'I know my visits are painful but-'

'No they're not, you know that. Don't make me boost you're ego even more,' reproved Elizabeth.

Robert sat back, feeling a little bit guilty, but strangely warmed by her admittance.

'Nice room,' he said.

'My father's influence,' she shrugged, 'still it's quieter. Although, I am beyond bored.'

'Knew there was a reason you were glad to see me,' teased Robert.

She shot him a look, but it was half-hearted.

'To be honest,' she said, 'I feel a bit embarrassed about seeing you again.'

Robert's brow wrinkled.

'Why?'

'Because of the way I acted last time. I was so...I'm not sure of the right term...out of it? Only not. I was very...in it. Everything I was feeling was so acute and it seemed like I knew how everything was-'

She stopped, confused.

'Did any of that make any sense?' she asked.

Robert looked upward and thought for a moment.

'No,' he said, 'but seriously, Elizabeth, you don't have to feel embarrassed. You'd just been through a terrifying experience, anyone else would have been wailing their guts out.'

Elizabeth studied her fingernails and was suddenly worried about how much of a mess she must look. She hadn't done her hair properly in days and she wasn't wearing any makeup. Then she wondered why she was bothered.

'I didn't ruin your jacket did I?' she asked, suddenly, changing the subject.

'No. I hung it up to dry for a few hours and it was fine.'

They chatted amiably for a while. Robert mentally thanked God and promised to get that tambourine for keeping his pager silent. 

Elizabeth was feeling better than she had done in ages. Talking to Robert in a normal manner was unusual but pleasant. He was witty and charming and she felt utterly relaxed in his presence, rather than the usual feeling of suspicion.

'You've been in surgery?' she asked, eventually.

The surgeon within was dying to get back again and feel the rush. She really missed it and realised what Robert must feel all the time now. 

'What gave it away?' asked Robert, avoiding the question.

'What was it? I know its shop but I'm getting itchy fingers sitting around here all day,' wheedled Elizabeth.

Robert carefully told her about the days procedure. He didn't want to upset her, so avoided mentioning why the man's internal organs were so cut up. 

For her part, Elizabeth didn't ask. She guessed the cause, but didn't want to think about it. She was just fascinated by the details of the operation; the little shortcuts and near misses it involved. Robert found it a release to have someone who understood to talk to about his other love. Just one more reason she was his perfect woman.

'-took us a while I can tell you,' he said, 'and they'd all ready started by the time I came in.'

'Why?'

'Oh I had a phone call,' said Robert, dismissively.

'Who from?'

'Lizzie, my private life is not that interesting.'

'So it was private?' pressed Elizabeth, raising her eyebrows.

'Have you been watching Murder She Wrote re-runs?' he asked.

He was trying to avoid the question, but he didn't want her finding out any other way. He just needed to ease into it.

'What are you not telling me?' asked Elizabeth, suspiciously, 'if it was just routine you would have told me.'

'So it was just routine.'

'I don't believe you now.'

Robert sighed.

'Okay,' he said.

He started to tell her about Yvonne's phone call, pausing now and then to wait for her to stop giggling about his award. Then he paused.

'So, how does this involve me Robert?' Elizabeth asked, a grin playing on her lips, 'do I get one too?'

'Okay Elizabeth, this bit is serious,' he said, 'you...the police have been coming to talk to you haven't they?'

Elizabeth shrugged and made a face.

'A couple of times. The same questions over and over, I hope I never-'

She stopped, the smiled fading, and looked straight at him.

'What did she say?' she asked, quietly.

Robert avoided her gaze.

'You're going to have to testify. At Martins trial.'

'Why? What could they possibly have to prove? He's guilty!' demanded Elizabeth.

Robert shrugged and avoided her eyes.

'That he wasn't mad,' he explained, 'Yvonne thinks that he's going to plead temporary insanity. If they prove that, he'll get off. Well he'll get help I suppose, but no jail.'

Elizabeth was silent. She had thought, for some reason, that she would never have to see Martin again. After repeating her story to the police she had thought that would be an end to it. 

Foolish idea. She should have known Martin wouldn't go down without a fight. Then again, who was to say he wasn't mad at the time?

'Elizabeth?'

Robert was looking at her, concerned. She didn't look up.

'Mmm?' she mumbled.

'Are you...all right?'

She blinked, then looked up.

'I think I will be,' she said, determinedly, 'I've faced worse, after all. I need not remind you of a certain Mr Rollins.'

Robert shifted uncomfortably. He knew she was strong, but could she be that strong?

'No, you needn't. I have no doubt you could do it,' he said.

Elizabeth bit her lip.

'He...you spoke to him Robert, do you think he was mad at the time?'

Robert gave a small laugh. Was she joking? He'd spoken to really insane people before and as unstable as Martin seemed, he didn't think for one moment he wasn't perfectly in control. 

'A failed business and broken relationship do not a lunatic make, Lizzie,' he answered.

Elizabeth nodded non-comittedly. Robert noticed and leant forward.

'You...don't think he was do you?' asked Robert.

Elizabeth did not reply.

'Lizzie, this man shot you!' said Robert, loudly, 'You can't let him get away with it!'

'I know that Robert!' she snapped, her voice rising, 'I am more than aware of that! But I have to tell it how _I_ saw it. Anyway, all they are going to ask me about is what I remember, not about his sanity.'

Robert struggled with his anger. What was she talking about? She couldn't possibly to want him to get away with it?

'Elizabeth don't be naive,' he said, 'His lawyers are going to use you. They'll ask you because you're a reliable witness and if you say he seemed insane the jury will believe you.'

Elizabeth looked away. She knew he was right, but Martin's actions had been confused and she was no expert. And she knew she couldn't lie.

'Elizabeth?' pressed Robert.

'I'll do what I have to Robert-tell the truth.'

They both fell silent. Elizabeth could feel the irritation running off Robert, but she was equally as annoyed. Why couldn't he just help her? Why did he have to battle with her? Then again, Martin had nearly killed her. That had tortured Robert.

Elizabeth felt her eyes become moist and fought hard against crying. She stared out across the city again.

Robert watched her face. He'd upset her again, just when things were going so well. But he didn't want Martin to go free. For his sake and hers. Then he saw the tears form. I can't make her cry again, he thought. 

'Sorry,' he said, 'I should come with a health warning.'

Elizabeth snorted.

'That's the second time you've apologised to me, in so many weeks. Its becoming quite a habit,' she said.

Robert reached out and took her hand. He expected her to flinch or pull away but she didn't. She just looked down at his hand.

There was a knock at the door. Robert pulled his hand back sharply and they both looked towards the door.

'It's not a nurse they usually come straight in,' said Elizabeth, absently, 'come in?'

The door opened and the head of her father popped round.

'Visiting party I-well this is a surprise. Hello Robert.'

Robert stood up quickly and edged out from his chair. He plastered on a fake smile. No matter how much he loved Elizabeth, he couldn't get on with her parents. Charles Corday emerged into the room with Ella.

'Mr Corday,' said Robert stiffly.

The two men regarded each other for a moment, in what Elizabeth felt was a new definition of 'the awkward moment'. Then Ella, with tact and diplomacy, broke the silence.

'Rob!' she said, holding out her hand.

'Hi Ella,' he said, focusing on the kid, 'and how are you today?'

She very seriously held up her toy dog and said, 

'Abda Black onto dah!'

'Absolutely,' answered Robert and the little girl smiled.

Robert grinned, then remembered where he was and coughed awkwardly. He turned back to Elizabeth.

'I'd better be going,' he said.

Elizabeth nodded, her face unreadable. Turning back, Robert again fake-smiled at Charles.

'This place never stops,' said Robert, blandly and quickly stroked Ella's cheek, 'see you kid.'

He moved round Charles and opened the door.

'I suppose I should thank you,' said Charles, turning.

Robert paused with the door half-open. A thanks from the great Charles Corday? This was something his ego wouldn't mind listening to.

'I understand you were...instrumental in assisting the police and also took care of my granddaughter here. That was...very good of you.'

Charles gave a little nod and Robert figured that was as much thanks as he was going to get.

'Oh really it was nothing,' said Robert, laying on the modesty.

'Robert has been very kind father,' interjected Elizabeth, 'he's been visiting me too.'

'Has he now?' said Charles, his smile cracking, 'well isn't that nice.'

You're really struggling to be polite here aren't you, thought Robert, is it terrible that I like watching you squirm?

'Thank you for your visit Robert,' said Elizabeth, evenly, 'we'll continue our discussion later.'

Robert nodded at her, cast another glance at Charles and left. Charles turned back to his daughter and walked across to her, handing Ella over.

'Surely you've suffered enough without Robert Romano's constant attention?' he said, settling opposite.

Elizabeth kissed and hugged her little girl.

'He's done a lot for me Daddy. Besides he's not the same as when you last met him.'

'That I can see. Although I think it would take far more than just getting his arm sliced off to change that man.'

'How about the potential loss of his career? Listen Daddy, I don't want to talk about this with you. I just want to enjoy my little girl.'

She kissed Ella again, then remembering something, reached into the brown paper bag Robert had left on the table. There was indeed another lollypop, but this one was a Kermit the Frog one.

'Muppit!' said Ella, reaching for it greedily.

'I've lost count of the number of times cherub's said that,' said Charles, curiously, 'rather an odd word for her to learn. Any ideas darling?'

'She's never seen them as far as I-'

Elizabeth paused and cast a glance at the door, a smile spreading over her face.

'I really couldn't say,' she finished.


	28. Moving day

Disclaimer: All together now-'I do not own ER blah blah blah…'

A/N: What a wait! Sorry but I've been trying to figure out how to end this where I want it to. Basically we still have the trial to get through which is where Robert and Elizabeth will need each other most. Should be fun writing a trial, but anyway. 

Oh yes-Ella's walking a bit in this. I needed her too. Also I'm pretty sure Elizabeth's mothers name is Isabel but if that's wring someone tell me.

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Two weeks later, Elizabeth was finally allowed home. It was not necessarily a great homecoming, seeing as her mother was still about, but at least it was home. 

Charles Corday had, unfortunately, left a week earlier. He'd tried to shuffle his schedule, but Elizabeth knew he was busy and persuaded him to leave. Isabel, on the other hand, was much harder to remove.

Elizabeth packed her small range of garments slowly, waiting for Isabel and Ella to arrive in a taxi and take her home. Despite her feel for the place, she had had about enough of the hospital. 

There was a knock at the door. A shot of panic sliced through her and she felt sweat bead on her brow. There is no reason to be afraid, she reminded herself and uttered

'Come in?'

It turned out to be Susan.

'Susan? Escaped again?'

'Barely. The patients were on me like hounds. I have bitemarks. Wondered if you needed any help?'

'I'm nearly done,' said Elizabeth, staring down at her small case, 'most of these were gifts and cards.'

'Really? Maybe I should get hurt I could do with a few new things.'

Susan grinned to emphasise the joke and Elizabeth managed a weak smile. 

In truth, she was beginning to suffer nightmares and uncontrollable bouts of panic which neither medication nor therapy seemed to help. She hadn't told anyone. Well, anyone except Robert.

He had visited practically every other day since their last meeting and they had spent most of the time just talking. Sometimes they argued, but Elizabeth was glad he treated her as he normally would rather than something damaged. It made her feel normal, if only temporarily. Medicine, gossip, life, everything seemed suddenly open for discussion. Although of his family, he remained tight-lipped.

'You know, what with you leaving and Dr Romano moving on the same day, its all a bit of a merry-go-round,' said Susan, 'more than usual I mean.'

Elizabeth turned and looked at her, unconsciously dropping to sit on the bed. What was she talking about?

'Sorry? Robert moving? I don't follow?' she admitted.

Susan looked at her like she was mad and walked across to sit next to her, talking as she went.

'You know, the move? Romano and Kerry switching jobs, him being...demoted to Chief of ER? Oh. Ah. You don't know. Ah. Sorry, I figured, what with you two being close and him visiting but now I see...even the nurses didn't mention it?' Susan finished, looking awkward.

Elizabeth was stunned and made no attempt to hide it. Robert had been demoted? And he hadn't even mentioned it? All this time...all their conversations. Elizabeth felt a twist of anger and sadness all at the same time. Even Susan knew. Another feeling-jealousy? annoyance?-which disappeared quickly but felt odd all the same

'I suppose he didn't want to trouble you with his stuff,' said Susan, digging her way out, 'and he probably made sure the nurses kept quiet too. We only found out a couple of days ago and only because he's coming down to us.'

Elizabeth nodded. She bit her lip and crushed down the newly familiar feeling of panic. There was no reason behind it, no time or place but it persisted in showing up. 

'He's moving today?' she asked, calmly.

Susan nodded.

'We got a memo. I guess he'll be packing stuff up now. Anyway, I'm going to go before I encounter another bout of foot in mouth disease. You call me if you need anything. I mean it Elizabeth. Oh and say hi to Ella.'

Elizabeth again managed a smile and the door swung shut. She sat for a moment and looked at her watch. Twenty to one. She had about twenty minutes before her mother arrived. She looked at her case. Right, she thought.

*

Robert looked around his empty office. His bits and pieces (slightly less since his furious routing of the place) were boxed up waiting to go...to go where? He had no office downstairs, that was how pathetic this new position was. And his home? That was a state. It needed to be cleaned thoroughly, preferably by someone with two hands. He gazed at a letter on his desk, part of that morning's post. It won't come here anymore, he thought, I wonder if the Chief of the ER actually gets any mail?

The letter was from a lawyer's office. The trial. They wanted to make sure he knew what to say and how. Well, bring it on. He could do with shouting at someone.

He heard footsteps at the door, which was propped open.

'Brenda I-'

He turned and stopped. It wasn't Brenda.

'Elizabeth!' he said, in a breathy, surprised way.

'Spring cleaning?' she asked.

Her eyes were narrowed. Oh great she's pissed, he thought. He had been congratulating himself at having made sure she didn't know about everything that had happened to him. Pride cometh before a fall. And after all they'd said about being open and honest. He had been, about his arm and everything. Just not this. He didn't want her to know about this.

'Yeah, well the dust has been lying a bit thick around here-'

'Don't'

'What?'

'Don't even try and wiggle your way out of this.'

She shook her head and walked into the room. She had a slightly twisted way of walking to compensate for her injury but it didn't slow her up much.

'When were you going to tell me?' she demanded, 'when? On the day I came back and went to find you only to find your office with the great Kerry Weaver inside it?'

Her eyes blazed. God she's beautiful when she's angry, he mused, what a cliché, but so true. Perhaps that's why I tried to always make her so, he thought.

'Elizabeth, when have you ever come looking for me? Apart from when you wanted to kill me?' he shrugged.

'True,' she admitted, folding her arms, 'I suppose this should please me. But Robert-'

'Now you don't,' he said, forcefully, 'I don't think I can take that.'

'What?'

'The condolences. The oh-so pitying stare, the it-will-be-all-right I'm-sure's. I haven't had any of that, I'll admit, but for once I am glad everyone hates me. They're all laughing behind their hands up here and applying for extra health insurance downstairs. It's a joke but I'd prefer you to laugh,' he said.

Elizabeth took a deep breath.

'Ha, ha,' she deadpanned, 'Robert I thought we had an agreement?'

He shrugged and stood defiant, but he squirmed inside.

'And you trusted me? You should know better Lizzie. Besides I didn't want to tell you and last time I looked, oh yes, it's a free country.'

He rummaged in a box and hoped she would leave.

'Fine,' she said, icily, 'do what you want. You always do.'

She turned and headed out, but suddenly Robert didn't want her to go.

'Elizabeth?'

She stopped.

'Please?'

She turned back. The fire in her eyes died a little. 

'Sorry,' he said, staring at her, 'I'm pissed off, and I don't have to explain why.'

She didn't say anything but came back and sat down.

'I'm used to it,' she said, blankly.

He nodded half to himself.

'It's not so bad,' continued Elizabeth, 'it could be a great opportunity-'

'Oh please-' 

'That was not a platitude!' she said loudly, 'That was me being bloody honest!'

'Really? Well let me be bloody honest,' said Robert, fixing her with a stare, 'I know old hubby dearest loved his little job down there but come on Lizzie. You know_ you'd_ hate being down their twenty-four seven. Our job is to visit, to breeze in and sweep the patients away to health and happiness and we _thank God_ we don't have to stay there. Especially me. I'm a surgeon, that's what I _do_. I'm no ER doctor, Chief or otherwise. This is all so much bullshit so they can keep me employed. I wish they would fire me because it would look like discrimination and then at least I could sue them.'

He held her gaze then sat suddenly on his desk. The letter he had picked up was still clasped in his hand. He felt relieved, yet guilty and angry all at once.

'You...you could have said all of that before,' said Elizabeth, finally, 'its not like you haven't been able to get hold of me.'

Robert rolled his eyes and folded his arms.

'Yeah, yeah, I know. But remember I'm me-an idiot.'

'I'm not arguing with that,' agreed Elizabeth with a small smirk. 

She surveyed the room, then added,

'I'm going in about ten minutes you know.'

'I know,' said Robert, 'I was going to come and see you before you left.'

'You would have run into my mother,' said Elizabeth, 'are you sure you would have wanted that?'

'My arm got sliced off and I talked down a gun-wielding psychopath,' Robert said, pragmatically, 'and I looked after a two year old-your two year old-with a temperament to match-with one arm. Your mother is nothing. Walk in the park.'

Elizabeth raised her eyebrows.

'A safari park,' she said, dryly, then changing the subject, 'what's that?'

She gestured to the letter in his hand. He tried to hide the letterhead but Elizabeth was quick and noted the name.

'Merchant and Sons? God that's the lawyers isn't it. I had one from them; my mother brought my mail in. I've been trying to ignore it, though. It's all about meetings and everything. I don't really want to think about it,' she said.

'Well, I'll have to do it too,' said Robert, walking over and sitting opposite, 'I'll help you, we'll be fine.'

He was pleased at how convincing he sounded and at her slightly relieved expression.

'Thank you,' she said, firmly, 'and this...this is only a minor thing. You're bigger than this. Metaphorically.'

She grinned a little. She's making fun of my height, he thought, she's taking the mick out of me and I'm happy about it. You know, I could just-

Something or rather someone stumbled into the room. Robert looked around the edge of the sofa. 

A big pair of blue eyes looked back. Ella had stumbled inside and was now clinging onto the sofa's arm. She made to walk towards him and he saw her fall. In one swift movement he reached out grabbed her in one arm and swung her up onto his hip.

'Robert! Goodness, Ella!' exclaimed Elizabeth standing up.

The little girl waved at her mother.

'Heyba!' she said.

'How on Earth-' began Elizabeth.

'Ella! Come back here!'

Isabel Corday's voice drove a knife into Robert's brain. He winced and Elizabeth noticed.

'Be thankful she's not staying at your house,' she murmured.

'You know, you could stay at mine if you want,' he offered, half jokingly.

She grinned as the door burst open and Isabel Corday strode into the room.

'Ah there you are,' she said to Ella, 'you should not be walking at your age!'

'She only does it occasionally, mother,' said Elizabeth, ' and it's more a combination of walking and crawling.'

'Its fast whatever it is,' her mother answered.

She looked at Robert and her face did a marginal impression of a smile. Isabel was even worse than her ex-husband at hiding her dislike of Robert.

'And it could take her to the worst places,' she said, stonily, 'Dr Romano, I haven't seen you in...far too long.'

Robert, aware of both Elizabeth and Ella's presence, smiled placatingly.

'You too, Mrs Corday,' he said, 'but here we are so all is right with the world.

Isabel clasped her hands together and turned to Elizabeth

'Elizabeth, a taxi is waiting, do you have your bags?'

'One bag mother, its just outside,' replied Elizabeth, trying to diffuse the tension.

Isabel nodded and turned back to Robert.

'Once you've finished manhandling my grand-daughter,' she said, holding out her arms.

Ella had been very peaceful and calm with Robert, showing him her latest toy-a battered Barbie doll. 

'Mother honestly, I've told you how Robert took care of Ella, when I was in surgery,' reminded Elizabeth.

'Do you want her?' Robert asked Elizabeth, ignoring Isabel.

Elizabeth smiled and gratefully took her daughter.

'Shall I get your case?' he asked, aware that his dutiful and polite manner was irritating Isabel no end.

Elizabeth hesitated, looked at her mother and felt a spark of rebellion.

'Thank-you Robert that would be very...helpful,' she said, smiling at him.

Isabel made an obvious tut-tut noise, but both Elizabeth and Robert ignored her as he lead the way to the elevator.

'I...heard of your little accident,' Isabel said, primly as they rode down the floors, 'its sounds terrible, I am very sorry.'

Robert rolled his tongue over his teeth and forced another smile.

'Thank you.'

'And now you've lost your job as well, how perfectly awful,' Isabel continued.

'I am still going to be working in the ER,' Robert answered levelly, 'I haven't been fired just yet.'

Isabel flicked her head sideways in a movement Elizabeth recognised as mild irritation. She was watching the conversation like a viewer at a tennis match. It was mesmerising to see anyone other than her father or herself battle with her mother. Almost entertaining.

'Well that's wonderful. And with your escapade with the police! Helping out like that, must have been terrifying. I'm surprised that they let you talk to him, you know. I guess its an American thing but really...he did end up shooting a number of people,' said Isabel, shrugging.

'Robert ending up saving five peoples lives mother, including my own,' interjected Elizabeth.

She glanced at Robert who flicked his eyes onto her. A silent word passed between them.

'Oh look here's our floor,' said Elizabeth, with mock-cheerfulness, as the lift dinged and the doors opened. 

She removed Ella from the tense atmosphere and walked outside into a watery sunlight. Isabel stalked off to find the taxi and Robert placed her case beside her. Elizabeth seemed to tense suddenly and brushed a hand across her face. Must be her mother's presence, Robert thought.

'So Lizzie, we'll expect you back at work oh, tomorrow?' he said, jokingly.

Elizabeth chuckled, relaxing a bit. Ella joined in with a little giggle of her own. Robert couldn't help but grin at her, but quickly hid it when he saw Elizabeth looking.

'One less patient, much money saved,' he said, 'if I still had my old job I'd be happy.'

'Robert-'

'Lizzie, this is not the time nor place. Go home, be with your daughter, try not to kill your mother and get better.'

'Right. And you...go make someone cry in the ER. I'm sure it'll make you feel better.'

They both smiled as the taxi drew up and Isabel ordered the driver to get the bag. He all ready looked like he was contemplating crashing his own taxi to get away from her.

Robert drew back and Elizabeth opened the door, handing Ella to Isabel. The child waved to Robert, who responded in kind. Elizabeth turned to him, hand on the door and hesitated. Then she drew out a card from her pocket.

'Pen?' she asked.

Robert, bewildered, dug one out and handed it to her.

'Here. My number,' she said, writing, 'call me, I mean it, I will be very annoyed if you don't. We still have things to get through.'

And in one movement, she placed the card in his top pocket along with the pen and kissed him on the cheek. Then she climbed in the cab and was gone.

Robert took a moment to recover. What on earth was that? Wait a minute, I don't give a damn what that was cause she kissed me. He almost forgot it was moving day. Almost. 

Turning round he re-entered the hospital and frustration immediately began to swell. Make someone cry? Fuck it, I'll make someone quit, he thought venomously. He reached into his top pocket and drew out the card. I sincerely hope I haven't slipped into a parallel universe. 

Upstairs he surveyed his cleared office and saw the lawyer's letter still on the desk. Reality snapped back. It's not over yet, he thought.


	29. Let's Get Away from it all I

Disclaimer-Not mine!  Not mine!

Many apologies for the lateness.  I know I said this would be about the trial and that, but I'm still working on that.  This is more a way to make things even MORE complicated and I wanted to take them away from everything.  One of those R/E lunch dates which have become a tradition in Cordano fanfic. 

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Robert stared at the piece of paper.  It was just a telephone number for Gods sake, what difference did it make if he rang it or not?

Only it wasn't just a number, it was a whole host of opportunities.  For embarrassment, for humiliation, for...well he didn't want to think about what in case he jinxed it. 

The whirl of the ER seemed to silence as he sat in the lounge and stared at the card.  Then the door slammed open and Susan and Abby bundled in, giggling at some joke.  They quietened pretty quickly on seeing him and he thought about leaving then thought, hang on, I'm the damn chief around here, I can sit where I like.

'Something amusing ladies?' he asked.

Abby turned hastily towards the coffee pot and busied herself, leaving Susan to answer.

'Guy in exam three.  His pet lizard got out and scooted up his trouser leg...well I don't think I need to spell it out,' said Susan, stifling a laugh.

'So good to see doctors round here respect their patients and their suffering,' replied Robert, standing up.

Abby suddenly sounded like she was choking and Susan raised her eyebrows at him.

'Sorry.  We'll learn from your excellent example in future,' she said, causing Abby to cough so much, she nearly spilt her coffee.

'I should get that cough seen too Miss Lockheart it sounds terrible,' Robert said, stonily, 'maybe a shot of something, say whisky.  Oh that's right, I forgot.'

He walked quickly to the door, intent on leaving, when Susan said,

'You seem to be coping well with all of this.'

He turned to shoot her a look, but Susan smiled a genuine smile, turned away and sipped her coffee.  Biting his tongue, Robert left.   Abby chuckled and leaned away from the counter.

'Well.  He's just a bundle of laughs,' she said.

They sat at the table.  Susan seemed edgy and stared at the door.

'I know.  It almost makes you wish Kerry was back but...look at it from his position.  One minute- ace surgeon, Chief of Staff and the next-arm sliced off, gun-wielding nut attacks your close friend and demoted.  That is tough.'

Abby sipped her coffee and made a slight noise of agreement.

'Yeah okay.  I know about shitty deals in life.  But he nearly killed a patient the other day.  If he couldn't take it he should take some time off.'

'Like you?'

'Okay, point taken again.  But everyone's rushing around covering his back especially Carter-'

'Ah now we get to it.'

They both took another drink and Susan sat back in her chair.

'Its still not over you know,' she said, 'they've got the trial to go through.  The DA's been in touch with Elizabeth.'

'How is she?  I've been meaning to, I don't know, send flowers or something.  But what do you get someone who's been through that?'

Susan shrugged and ran a hand through her hair.

'Support.  She's dealing fairly well.  I mean, she's got her daughter to take her mind off it, but I feel she's struggling with it.  And believe it or not Romano has been helping her.'

'Well like you said-_close_ friends.  Close as he can be.  Hey do you think theres'...anything more?'

The two women looked at each other, grins playing on their lips.

'Well-'said Susan.

'I mean,' said Abby, 'she does seem to have a thing for, er, follically challenged men…'

'Elizabeth we're going to the park, you could make an effort.'

'I have!  I showered and brushed my hair, what more do you want?'

'You have a lovely figure-'

'Mummy, go and get Ella down would you?'

Isabel Corday disappeared in a cloud of disgruntled Chanel no.5.  Elizabeth, standing in the hall, pulled on her coat.  Her side ached a little, but she had taken pain killers and was hoping a walk would do her good even if it was with her mother.  She looked at the front door and felt a bit sick.  Her heart thumped loudly. 

The phone rang.  She jumped then stared at it like it was alive.  Goodness, it's just the phone, she thought.

'Elizabeth?' he mother called.

'Its all right, I've got it.'

She picked up the receiver, took a deep breath and said,

'Hello?'

'Ah Lizzie its me, er, Robert.'

He sounded nervous and stressed and she could hear faint sounds in the background.  Elizabeth smiled.  He'd actually listened to her.

'I guessed that,' she answered, 'where are you?'

'No man's land,' he said, with a hint of bitterness, 'I'm hiding out in an exam room.  How are you, I hope I'm not disturbing you, I can call back-'

'No, no its fine.  We're about to go out for a walk, but I've got some time.  I set Mummy to get Ella ready and knowing her temperament its should take a while.'

On cue there was a high-pitched kiddie yell followed by a muffled,

'Oh for heavens sake!'

Elizabeth giggled.

'Poor woman,' she said.

There was a small silence.  Elizabeth's mind raced, searching for something else to say.  It was funny.  In hospital they had been able to chat for hours but here on the phone, things were somewhat more intimate.

'So, how are things there?' she said, awkwardly.

'It's like hell with worse lighting.  I've had a boy with a sore throat, some woman who ate a lighter and three stoned weightlifters-don't ask.  I'm really stretching myself here.'

Elizabeth tried to think of something sympathetic to say, but everything she thought of sounded pat.

'Bummer,' she said finally.

Robert laughed and she joined in.

'Thanks Lizzie, you always put things in perspective.'

'I try.'

'Well, um, listen.  I know its only been a few days since you've got home and everything and this may sound a bit presumptuous and feel free to say no, because that's your right an all but I was wondering if, um, and this is only a request-'

'Robert, what is it?' Elizabeth interrupted.

'Right.  Lizzie, would you and Ella like to come over on Tuesday for lunch.  I mean I understand if your busy what with your mother-'

'Okay.'

'-its because its my day off and-what?'

'I said okay.  I-we-would love to.  It'll get me away from Mum and Ella would probably like to see the muppet man again.'

He didn't ask how she knew about that, but instead went very quiet.  Elizabeth could hear him breathing very fast, but rather than embarrass him she waited for him to speak.

'Oh.  Okay great, some time around one.  I'll give you the address...'

Elizabeth replaced the phone and sighed.  She felt strange.  A rush of emotion and exhilaration coursed through her.  Bloody silly thing to feel, she thought, its only a telephone conversation and its only lunch with Ella there and its only Robert.  Only Robert.

'Elizabeth?'

She turned.  Her mother was just reaching the bottom of the stairs, holding a red-faced, but dressed, Ella in her arms.

'Who was that?  You seemed to be talking for ages.'

Isabel looked round Elizabeth, and squinted at the pad by the phone.

'Is that an address?'

'What?  Honestly mother it was no-'

Why should I lie?  Even to Mummy.  I can tell the truth.

'It was Robert, Mummy.'

Isabel's eyes widened as Elizabeth took her daughter into her own arms.

'Romano?  That little gnome?  Good grief he annoys you enough at work he has to annoy you at home as well?'

'He doesn't annoy me Mummy,' said Elizabeth opening the door and breathing in the wind.

It felt clear and soft on her cheeks.  Her mother was saying something in the background but Elizabeth ignored her and picked up Ella's pushchair by the door.  She left the house with a silly little grin on her face which would remain there the rest of the day.

Tuesday arrived along with a letter at both Elizabeth and Roberts' houses.  Neither of them got round to opening it.

Elizabeth woke early, surprising herself because not even Ella was awake.  She remembered she was going to have lunch with Robert and her stomach filled suddenly with butterflies.  She put a hand over it and her fingers felt the knarled skin of the scars which would never fully heal.

She remembered how, after she had had Ella, she had worked hard to shed the weight.  She had felt proud of her body again but now she suddenly considered how she would feel showing it to anyone else.  Someone who wasn't Mark.  Someone who would see her scar.

What a weird thing to think, she thought.  I mean, I'm only having lunch with Robert-the butterflies made another whirl-and I'm only nervous because of everything that's happened and the fact we are friends now. 

A grumbling, moaning cry from down the hall told her Ella was awake.

'Up and at them Elizabeth,' she said, pulling the sheets back and climbing out of bed.

Robert crouched down and leant his back against a cupboard in his kitchen, letting the mop fall from his fingers.  One-armed cleaning was far too exhausting.  The room looked spotless though.  In fact the whole house had a glow to it, as if he'd scrubbed his very soul into it.  Which, he thought, he probably had.  He wanted things to be perfect.  More than that, he wanted things to be beautiful and safe and not, well, not like the typical Robert Romano.

He'd been on a sort of high since his talk with Elizabeth.  Their relationship had been going well since the shooting, but the idea that she was finally going to be in his house, was something that entered dream territory.  He'd even had to watch himself at work, try too temper his happiness in case people got the wrong idea.  He had a reputation to maintain after all.

He managed to push himself back to his feet and checked the clock on the wall.  Twelve.  He had an hour or so.  The food was started, the house shone-he looked in the mirror.  He, on the other hand, was doing a good impression of a tramp.  He hadn't shaved and he was covered in dust. 

'Hello Igor,' he told himself, 'time to shower I think.'

Elizabeth drove through a leafy suburb.  The day was unseasonably warm and sunny, as if it knew this was a new day for making new starts.  The red and gold leaves were swept down the road by a light breeze.  Ella watched with rapt attention, every now and then making attempts at words.

'Reda!' she said.

'Yep,' agreed Elizabeth, 'those ones are definitely red.'

Funny.  She'd never wondered where Robert had lived.  Yes you did, said a traitorous voice, you thought he was kept in a cage and only let out to torment other people.

This area was certainly very nice, but then with Robert's salary and no dependants, he could afford it.  No dependants.  No wife, no kids and probably no more dog.  The issue of family raise itself again.  Right, today's mission Elizabeth is to get that out of him.  I can't know the man unless I know where he came from.

She caught a look at herself in the mirror.  Not bad.  The hair had been tamed and held back with a few ringlets around her face.  The makeup was subtle but effective and her clothes were simple yet stylish.  Plus Ella looked adorable in an ensemble her mother had bought. 

The morning had been fun, avoiding her mother's curious glances and pointed comments and her final, folded arm stance at the front door.  There had a been a couple 'if-I'm-not-wanted's and even a 'I-feel-I'm getting-in-the-way' which fuelled Elizabeth's hope she'd be leaving soon.  She wanted things back to normal, back to routine, with Chris and Ella and the hospital.

Her hands felt clammy suddenly and her head split with a headache.  She took deep breaths and pulled the car over, narrowly missing a stray cat.

'Breath Elizabeth,' she whispered, 'this is not the time.'

She sucked down air and gradually felt better.  She fumbled in her bag and pulled out a bottle.  Taking a couple of pills she closed her eyes and told herself that today was going to be an experience, good or bad, which would be hers and no-one else's.  She felt bad about thinking of her mother in that negative way, but she really was too much.

'Mummy?'

Ella stared at her with concerned eyes and held out a hand.  Elizabeth grasped it and kissed it.

'Its all right sweetie,' she said, 'Mummy's just having a moment.'

She turned the key, started the car and pulled away.

The doorbell went.  Robert, halfway into the front room, temporarily froze.  That was her.  She was here.  And you are acting like a fourteen-year old, get a grip man!

He shook himself, studied his reflection and shrugged.

'Hey I never promised her Brad Pitt,' he said.

He walked briskly into the hall and heard Ella's voice, which lifted his spirits.  He grasped the door and pulled it open.  There was Elizabeth, Ella on her hip and bag over her shoulder, looking lovely in a soft print top, long skirt and boots.  Ella had a hat on which had fallen over her eyes.  Robert reached out and pushed it back up.

'Hello there,' he said.

Ella grinned.

'Mupa!' she said.

'Come in,' said Robert, trying to stay cool.

Elizabeth stepped inside and her heels clicked on the tiles.  She began to unbutton her jacket but had some trouble with Ella who was struggling to get down.

'You can let her go if you want,' said Robert, closing the door, 'It's pretty much all child proofed round here.'

Elizabeth looked at Robert, wondering if he was joking, but saw that rare look of honesty in his face.  She gladly set Ella down who bounded off into the living room.  She dumped the bag she was carrying by the stairs then removed her jacket.  Throughout this Robert didn't move.  He was taking her in, her hair, clothes, even her movements and the lines on her face.

She looked up and for a moment he was petrified she'd caught him looking but she just held her coat with a questioning look.

'Oh here,' he said, reaching out and taking it.

For a second, their hands touched.  Elizabeth felt a shiver in her stomach.  It threw her.  Robert just took the jacket and turned to hang it up but she stepped back quickly, then remembered Ella and disappeared into the living room in search of her daughter and a distraction from her feelings.

'It feels odd that my daughter knows this place better than me,' she said, in a slightly strained nervous way.  Elizabeth what is wrong with you, its _only_ Robert!

'Yes well she comes over now and then to discuss things-home, pre-school TV, that kind of thing,' joked Robert, following.

Ella was ensconced in an armchair beating the sides and singing to herself.  She looked up as Robert entered and shouted,

'Muppet!'

'Okay Robert,' said Elizabeth turning to him, arms folded, 'why does she keep calling you that?  Why is she using that word at all, she didn't before she came to your house.'

Robert stepped back and placed his hands on his chest in mock defence.

'Moi?' he said, 'you're accusing me of corrupting your daughter with...puppets?  Come now you know my techniques are more sophisticated than that.'

Elizabeth grinned.  He's flirting with me, she thought.

'True,'she said, 'you have honed your craft.'

'With years of practise,' he answered walking round the table and quickly tickling Ella on his way into the kitchen.

Trusting her daughter to be all right on her own for a minute, Elizabeth followed him and leaned on the door frame.

'On me mostly,' she answered, keeping up with the banter.

Robert was stirring something on the stove.  He turned his head towards her and said,

'Wouldn't have wanted to practise on anyone else.'

Elizabeth held his gaze for a moment then looked away, trying to disguise a blush which she was sure was spreading up to her cheeks.  Robert noticed and it made him suddenly happy.  She's actually nervous around you.

'Seriously though, I can't believe I've known you six years and I've seen your house...your kitchen!  And Ella has!'

'Feel free to look around,' he answered, 'I can give you a tour even, but I have to say its not exactly Laura Ashley.'

He opened the oven and took out some things on a tray.

'Are you all right?'

Robert seemed to stiffen slightly at her words.

'Its fine,' he said.

There was a slightly awkward pause and Elizabeth bit her lip.  She had to be careful.  That was one of the things that had always infuriated her about him.  The feeling of walking on a tightrope, not knowing if he'd explode at a wrong word.

'Okay.  Well...you should see my house,' she said, trying to lighten the mood again, 'Laura Ashley it certainly is not.  You wouldn't believe the mess a three year old can make!'

Robert laughed.

'Oh I would,' he said.

'Yes, Ella does seem to think this is Nirvana.  She couldn't wait to come.'

'We aim to please.'

'You do?'

His eyes flicked up to hers.  Despite herself, she shivered.

'Always,' he said.

The moment broke and he went back to the food, organising it on the plate.

'Voila,' he said, 'the rest is in the dining room.'

He turned quickly and disappeared, not into another room but outside.  Elizabeth was baffled and stepped quickly across the kitchen to the open French doors.  She watched his retreating back.  He turned back to her and held out his arm.

'Its a lovely day!' he said, 'besides it gives me a chance to show you the summer house.  Come on Lizzy!'

And now playful.  Changeable as the wind.  Only moments ago he'd been as tense as a caged tiger and now her was like a four year old.  Speaking of which-

'Ella, we're going to eat outside today, like a picnic!'

'Lik bears?'

'Yes Ella.  Just like bears.'

'Fourteen'

'No!'

'Yep.'

'First time?  God you were a quick developer.'

'No point waiting for the best things in life'

'I can't believe you were that old when you decided to be a surgeon.'

'Wait, we're talking about surgery here?'

Elizabeth laughed.  She hadn't laughed properly for a while, thrown back her head an let it out and it felt good.  To Robert it looked damn good too.  The food was gone, devoured in a very unceremonious way but how ceremonious could you be when three year olds were involved?  A thoroughly satisfied Ella currently finishing off some strawberry ice-cream Robert had pulled out of the fridge whilst the adults shared coffee.

'I'm serious,' said Robert, delighting in her giggling, 'I knew then.  Before then even.  I always knew I wanted to do something like that, something important.  Be useful and be the best.'

'Oh of course.'

'Are you mocking me?'

'Er, yes!  But I think it's impressive.  I didn't know I wanted to till I was twenty-three.'

Ella finished her ice-cream with relish and held out sticky hands above her head.

'Come here you,' said Elizabeth, removing a wet wipe from her purse and cleaning the child's grinning face.

'Twenty-three?' Robert questioned, 'But weren't you already training?'

'Absolutely, I wanted to be just like my father.  But, I didn't really _know_.  Not for certain.  Not until the first time I stuck my hands inside a living man's chest.'

Robert, midway through a gulp of coffee, choked and was forced to start cleaning himself up with a napkin.

'That's...blunt,' he said.

'I know.  Maybe its the drink, are you sure there's no alcohol in this coffee?'

'Not enough so's you'd notice,' teased Robert.

She laughed.

'But it is true, it is.  I had trouble even observing at first.  I was terrified at the thought I'd have to do it soon.  Then, one day, I was observing this op-heart bypass-and a artery went and, oh, everything went mad.  The surgeon grabbed me, told me to hold onto this bleeder and not let go on pain of death.  I remember...the warmth, the feel of blood and tissue.  The knowledge his survival was partially dependant on me, my hands.  And it clicked in me and I loved it.  The surgeons high-power and survival.'

Robert had stared at her face as she spoke, eyes meeting at the end.  Silence but for rustling trees and a distant siren.

'I'm going to come to trial when you're up,' Robert said, finally.

Elizabeth opened her mouth, flustered and then managed,

'What?  I mean, why?  You'll probably be working.  And I'm fine, I'll be fine.'

Robert was startled.  He hadn't expected such a forceful rebuff.  There was me thinking she'd be grateful, he thought, so much for a breakthrough over the past few weeks.  She still didn't want him to help her.  Perhaps she was just letting him down gently, gradually weaning him out of her life.  First this, then no more phone calls, no looking after Ella and soon back to normal.  That's what she wanted-normality.

Elizabeth was stirring her drink, eyes darting up to him then over at Ella how had toddled off into the garden a little way and was sitting in a pile of leaves.

'What about her?'  Robert asked.

'With my mother, under strict instructions not to come anywhere near the place till its over.  And when its over I'm not going to think about it anymore.'

Robert raised his eyebrows and leaned back.

'Really?  I wish I could be so convinced.'

Elizabeth watched Ella throw a handful or leaves into the air. 

'Oh to be a child again,' said Robert, softly.

'I wish I could turn things back,' said Elizabeth, quietly, 'I wish I could change so many things.'

'Like what?'

She shrugged.

'Choices,' she said, 'some I'd make differently.'

'Like not going into that room?'

'No.  I'd still do that.  Like you'd still go onto that roof.'

Elizabeth realised what she'd said and groaned inwardly.  Way to assume too much Elizabeth, she thought.  She didn't dare look at him, imaging the darkly thunderous look that he always put on when angry, but her eyes were drawn to his face. 

Surprisingly his face was quite clear as he watched Ella playing.  He said nothing and Elizabeth too remained silent as the light faded.

They barely noticed.  Elizabeth, sat drowsily watching the evening sinking into night.  She noticed Ella come up to the table, but over to Robert instead of her.  Then, Robert raised his hand to shield his eyes from the low sun and said,

'Well, look at that.'

She looked.  The sky burnt red.  Streaks of violent and plum sliced across it and trails of smoky cloud slithered over the red globe of the sun.  She caught her breath.

'Hey Ella, look,' said Robert.

Elizabeth peeled her eyes from the sight in the sky and watched him.  Somehow, Ella had managed to climb onto his knee, and he was pointing to the sun and telling her a story about a man in a chariot who pulled it across the sky every day.   The sky glowed, orange and yellow and red.

Red.  Blood red.  Her eyes sparked and saw spots.  She stared very hard at the table and felt sweat on her palms.  No, she thought, not now, not here.  Things were going dark-no, I'm telling you I don't want


	30. Lets Get Away from it all II

Disclaimer: One disclaimer to rule them all, one disclaimer to find them, one disclaimer to bring them all and in lawfulness bind them-so you can't sue me!

After this, no-one else is getting unconscious, okay?  Right.  Now then,  this bit should technically be at the end of t'other chapter but then said chapter would be extremely looooong.  Next!

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-Mummy?  Mummy, wakup!  Wakup!'

I can't lift my legs.  Just let me sleep.

'-Mummy come wakup!  Ple Mummy!'

'Elizabeth?'

Without thinking, Elizabeth's head shot up and she gasped for breath.  Her head throbbed and she felt dizzy, sick.  Her limbs were heavy.  She took one long breath then bent over again to stop herself throwing up.  She dimly realised that she was still sitting in the seat outside, head between her knees, one hand struggling to support her head.

'Elizabeth?' said a low, comforting voice, 'Its okay.  You had a panic attack.  I'm going to help you inside, into the house.  But you have to help me.  Can you stand?'

Elizabeth made a sound of confirmation and she felt herself being pushed upright.  She closed her eyes and kept them that way.  It hurt to open them.  She felt her right arm pulled over a shoulder, soft cool cotton under her fingers.  The hand left the arm and gripped around her waist, pulling her upright with surprising strength. 

She heard a voice quietly telling Ella to go into the house and wondered vaguely how she would manage she could only go a few steps, but somehow she was and then that voice told the girl to sit on the armchair and not to worry.

A cold leather sofa appeared beneath her and she sat, then slumped sideways, leaning over the arm and breathing deeply.  A hand stroked the hair out of her face.

'I should ring an ambulance,' said the voice, 'get you checked over, blood pressure might be low I don't want you slipping further-'

'No...ambulance,' she managed.

Some part of her brain was refusing to be seen in public like this.

'Just give me a minute,' she said, feeling stronger.

Then there was silence, with a whispering conversation happening somewhere to her right.  Elizabeth opened her eyes and found it did not hurt anymore.  She managed to focus and set about re-gaining control.

Half an hour and three glasses of water later, Elizabeth felt she had regained control but lost a certain amount of respect.  She felt embarrassed.  How must she have looked-mouth open, grunting like a drunk.  Oh pull yourself together he's seen you far worse-tears streaming, covered in blood, sweating, leaking milk!  Seeing you a bit out of it is not going to change anything. 

Ella curled under her arm, yawning and close to sleep.  Elizabeth felt awful for her daughter, seeing her like that.  Mothers and fathers are strong, she's al ready been scared by Mark's death.  She clung to Ella's small frame and was comforted.

Robert, the soft voice, had been pottering in and out of the house, cleaning up, asking if she really didn't need an ambulance and keeping quiet.  Now he came and sat on the armchair opposite.  He took his arm out of the sling and moved it back and forth and couple of times.

'How does it feel?' she asked.

He glanced up, startled.

'It...'he shrugged, 'it is what it is.'

He quickly put his arm back in the sling and looked over at her, clearing deeply concerned.

'I should be asking you that.'

'Oh, I'm fine it must have just been...'

She trailed off, unable to find a suitable explanation.  Then all of a sudden, she was hit by what had happened and just wanted to leave.  Leave the house, get out, get back home and crawl into her bed and lay there forever.  She stood up abruptly, causing Ella to cry out and stare up at her with sleepy eyes.

'I have to go...I'm sorry, we should go now,' she said, hurriedly.

'How long have you been having these attacks?'

'Since…it.  They're just some mild panic attacks, nothing serious, I have medication-'

'Nothing serious?  Lizzy you nearly gave me a heart attack, I was terrified you'd relapsed!  You're body is rebelling at the stress, you have to talk to someone-'

'Oh please, and you're going to tell me you saw someone after what happened to you?  You talked to a professional about it?  I don't think so!'

Elizabeth turned away, grabbing hers and Ella's jackets.

'All right, I'm not the poster boy for therapy,' agreed Robert, 'I think its a waste of time but I'm not talking about me, I'm talking about you.  I mean, I said I would help you and I want to but I don't know if I can!'

Elizabeth turned back to him and saw nothing but concern in his face, his hand held out to her palms upward, offering.  She sagged and sat down again.  Ella snuggled into the armful of coats she held.

'You have,' she said, 'I've told you more than I've told anyone.  I'm very grateful for everything.  I never thought…'

She felt a lump in her throat and pushed it back, changing the subject.

'And I said you could talk to me and you didn't.  You didn't even tell me when you got-'

'Demoted?'

'Moved.  Robert, how are you feeling?  Really, honestly, tell me.'

Robert looked down at the limp hand lying across his chest.  He should have been feeling cotton and warmth but he wasn't.  He should have been able to curl his fingers or wave his hand, but he couldn't.

'Nothings changed Lizzie,' he said quietly, 'it improved...but now it's just back to what it was.  I'm surprised I'm still employed at all.'

Elizabeth carefully moved the coats off her arm and left Ella asleep.  She slipped off couch and crouched down beside him in the chair, instantly reminded of the time she'd done this before, in the surgeons lounge.  It seemed years ago.

'I'm not,' she said, 'you're a doctor first, Robert and a damn good one.  Or you could be.  If you have to be an ER doctor then be the best one they've ever seen.  Arm or no arm.  It'll be just like surgery.  You were top of your game there, you'll be top of your game downstairs too,' she said.

He chuckled.  He had quite a sweet smile.

'How very practical,' he said, 'And just so we're clear, I was the best?'

'Occasionally,' said Elizabeth smiling, 'on my days off.'

He turned to her, leaning forward slightly and Elizabeth was struck by how brown his eyes were.  You could drown in those, she thought.  Then another thought; how much she liked seeing these sides of him.  It made him more real.  Then she was also aware that there weren't many lights on and they were very close.

'Mummy?'

Elizabeth whipped round and stood up in one movement.  A sleepy looking Ella was sitting up on the couch, looking dazed.

'Hi sweetie, its okay I'm here.'

She scooped up her daughter and turned around.  Robert hadn't moved.  He was watching her as though in a daze.  Slowly he stood up. 

Elizabeth was reminded of her dream, of facing Robert with Ella in her arms and no-one saying a word.  How had that ended?  Had it ended?  What had she done then?  What should she do now?

What she did surprised them both.  She moved swiftly over to him and pressed her lips gently against his.  He didn't move.  She pulled away and turned without saying a word.  Robert heard the rustle of her coat and bag, the door open and close and then...silence.

They were both left thinking the same thing -'What the hell happened there?'

Mmm could this make things even more awkward?  Probably.  I hope it's up to the usual standard, only I haven't written in a while so I'm a little out of practice!


	31. What's Today Again?

Where have I been? Graduating and failing to find work for a start. I'll admit I was lost for inspiration so I must wholeheartedly thank _I'm-just-reviewing _for her wonderful words of praise which guilt tripped me into writing more and eventually I will finish this. My great apologies for those who had given up, I hope you will return and forgive me for the wait. I'm a little out of practice so this may be a bit bumpy! Also I decided to explore a few things in Robert's head which may be a bit OOC but keep with me.

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It rained. God, did it rain. Robert stared out into the dim, murky sky. He was standing in his kitchen, a mug of untouched coffee in one hand, dressed in a painfully tight and dull suit. The rain battered against the window and streamed along the ground beneath it.

Today was the day. Court day. One benefit was he did not have to be in the ER at least. The weather signalled messy car accidents but a general lack of people. The plebs would be bored and doubtless make up a game which cause someone an injury.

On the other hand, work would be preferable to seeing that man again. His teeth gritted of their own accord. The bastard, he thought, God if I could...

_I have to tell the truth_. Her voice in his mind. Yeah, do you? Well I don't, I don't have to, I can lie and deceive-I'm Robert Romano it's what I'm good at. And hiding of course. In his head and now in real life.

She had _kissed_ him.

It had been a week since the events of that fateful evening and he had not called her. She had not called him either. The hiding had occurred when she popped in to speak to other members of staff and sort out her office. As she came sweeping down the corridor of the surgical floor he, the great Robert Romano, had hidden in a cupboard. He hadn't wanted to awkwardness, the stiff hello and forced interest from her. The tentative way she would bring up what had happened, just as she had done before with the firm intention of ripping up his hopes however nicely.

He, of course was all ready playing the game, dismissing the kiss as a gesture of pity, the act of a confused widow. It would be forgotten.

And it had all been going so well.

All of a sudden, he wanted to do something, anything, to take his mind off his arm, his job...and her. She would be there today. He would have to face her and she him. He closed his eyes. Too many thoughts. His arm spasmed in pain. He would give it up if it meant having her. He opened his eyes. Would he? Would he give up his arm, his surgery and his job? Settle down and be, what, a house husband. He indulged in a few quick fantasies about playing with Ella, hearing the door close and feeling soft hands wrap around him as Elizabeth came home.

But no. He couldn't give up everything, just as he could not change the fierceness, the determination that made him. He couldn't be the good guy. He couldn't be the one-armed house husband either. He had to have...everything. He needed her like surgery, like oxygen. She felt the same on the surgery part. Whatever trauma she had suffered she would be back in there, up to her elbows in someone's chest because she _had_ to be.

He turned and placed the cup on the counter and focused on his other arm. He willed it to move, he called into service every muscle he had left. But it lay, white and limp like a beached whale. He slammed his good hand on the counter and the coffee cup jumped and crashed to the floor.

Robert looked up.

'Thanks _a lot_,' he said.

Elizabeth took off her earrings and stared at herself in the grubby mirror of the Ladies toilets. Outside, the courthouse bustled with people. The rain might be battering done but the law goes on. The earrings, gold hoops, were too much for a court date, she decided. It was the kind of little, unimportant thought she had been filling her head with for a couple of days now. Partly to stop herself thinking about what she was going to do today, about how she was going to see Martin again, about how she could put him away. Or set him free.

The other part of thinking of such things, meant she also avoided thinking about something she had done, just days ago, in Robert's front room. She still did not know why she had done it. But she knew one thing, she was not sorry that she had.

Despite what she had realised in her dream, Elizabeth had begun to consider Robert as more than a friend. She fell into occasional day dreams about him. Whatever they meant, they were a hundred times more pleasant than the other dreams she still had.

'Ms Corday?'

The face of a older black woman, face framed with short curls appeared around the door. It was the DA, Camilla Prince. Elizabeth liked her a lot. The woman had been kind, yet full of determination. She would not let the case be lost but she respected that witnesses were people too.

'Mrs Prince,' said Elizabeth.

'Is everything all right?' the woman inquired.

Elizabeth looked at herself, severe in black, with hair that had seen better days especially in the rain.

'I think so,' she said.

'Good.'

The two women exited the bathroom. Elizabeth felt dizzy in the rush and noise, but forced herself to concentrate.

'Most of the other witnesses are here now. It's going to a take a while to get through everything so you may not get to the stand today. It may get boring, I warn you. Whatever anyone asks, tell the truth. Do not be bullied. I'll be there to protect you as will the judge but keep your wits. Don't get mad, don't try to explain, remember the jury are not stupid.'

They had reached a waiting area near the court room.

'I have to talk to my team, you sure you're okay?'

Elizabeth realised her hands were shaking. The rain seemed to be thudding into her head. Dear God, help me...

'I'm fine,' she said.

'Good.'

Camilla gave a warm smile and walked swiftly away.

Elizabeth sank into a seat. Get a grip, she said, come on. She forced herself to think of Ella, at home safe and warm with her mother, smiling and talking. She thought about her friends at the hospital, full of smiles and flowers and cards. She thought about him. Holding her hand, helping her through, kissing her...

'Elizabeth?'

Sitting next to her.

Elizabeth looked up and straight into those warm brown eyes. She felt like crying. For a moment, they said nothing, each frozen in time, regarding the other as if they had just met. Robert had so much he wanted to say. He was stopped however, by Elizabeth enveloping him in a hug.

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What d'you think? I was a bit unsure how to end this chapter, but I thought I'd do something nice for a change!


	32. Kept It All In

Many thanks to my reviewers-EBStarr, Phantom of the Basement and saved by grace espes-glad you're still out there, keeping the Cordano flame alive after, well, you know fume, rage, fume After the Helicopter of Doom (Part Deux), I was worried everyone would be as disillusioned as me, so well done for hanging in there. 

Ahem. 

Authors note-what I know of trials in the US comes from crime dramas so that's what I'm using as 'research'. Oh and its not me putting in obstacles-Robert and Elizabeth refused to make things _easy-_blame them. 

Couple of swearwords. 

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Robert held still, savouring the embrace. Her hair had a sweet scent and a strand brushed his cheek. She was warm and real and...this was dangerous. Gently, he pulled himself back. 

Elizabeth had a strange look on her face. Her eyes were wide, her lips in a tight smile and she drew her hands tightly together on her lap. 

'I'm going to start coming to court more often if that's the welcome I get,' Robert said finally. 

He was trying to break the tension but his words sounded hollow. Elizabeth drew back and widened her smile a touch. But her eye's were still oddly wide. Then Robert understood-she was terrified. He raised one hand slightly but stopped and stiffened his own posture. After the warmth of the initial greeting, the air between them had cooled rapidly. Robert remembered her laughing at his jokes, crying on his shoulder, being in his house, kissing-he forced the memories back. 

'I'm sorry,' Elizabeth said, 'I don't know what came over me.' 

She stared down at her hands, brow wrinkled. 

'I guess it was seeing a friendly face,' she said. 

That's okay, thought Robert, hug me all you want. 

'It's fine,' he said, trying to sound casual, 'it's the reaction I usually get from women. Actually no, its opposite to the one I usually get from women.' 

This line raised a smile. They sat in awkward silence and Robert pulled himself round so he was facing forward again. He watched a very fat woman carrying a child hurry by. 

'Robert?' 

He turned his head. She was looking at him, playing with her hands. 

'I'd be lying if I said I was okay right now,' she said, 'I feel like my legs are going to buckle under me and I _hate_ it. I _hate_ feeling this way. Part of me's worrying I'll get in there and I'll just...go mad and wallop him!' 

'Well, I'll hold him,' Robert said, 'Look Lizzie you'd be a fool if you weren't feeling all this right now-you wouldn't be human.' 

A couple of barristers walked smartly past, followed by a nervous looking couple in suits. The building never stopped. Robert's suit was starting to feel constricting and he twisted his neck back and forth, trying to get comfortable. 

'I know,' sighed Elizabeth, 'I know that, I do, I just...I wish it was over, I wish I was coming out of those doors instead of walking into them. The worst thing is the waiting. It may not even be today.' 

Robert raised his eyebrows and made a tutting noise. 

'Mmm, this would never happen in surgery,' he said. 

Another smile. 

'Robert stop. You don't have to for my sakes.' 

'I'm not!' 

No I'm doing it for both our sakes, he thought. 

'This is just me Lizzie. You know me.' 

Robert expected a resigned 'I do' or a more tender 'only too well'. But Elizabeth paused, then said. 

'Do I Robert?' 

He frowned. 

'Do you what?' 

'Know you? Do I know you now after everything? I feel like I know you more, but you, the real Robert Romano? I'm not so sure.' 

She looked away, staring at nothing. Robert was floored by the sudden change in conversation. The questions seemed too unanswerable. She was still wondering? After everything he had given out to her? The heat and the suit were making him edgy. This was not the time for questions. 

'I could ask the same Lizzie,' he replied, archly. 

Elizabeth cocked her head as if listening, but did not meet his eye. 

'I don't think I really know you,' Robert continued, 'I want to and God knows I've been trying. I've been learning about you for six years now, bits and pieces and I don't know why. Well I do but...I feel like a stalker, or a...weirdly enough I actually want to carry on learning like that. The difference is now...now I can_ talk_ to you.' 

Robert took a deep breath, thinking how he really wanted a drink. He didn't want to get maudlin, not now. He realised he had forgotten what he just said or if she'd even been listening. 

There was silence from Elizabeth. Well that had a huge impact, he thought, as much as me visiting her, as much as the kiss...he absently pulled at his collar. 

'Too damn tight,' he muttered. 

He fiddled with the button and tie, but doing so one handed proved-as usual-to be problematic. 

'Here.' 

Elizabeth reached out with long, practised fingers. As she unbuttoned his collar and loosened his tie, he wondered if she had done the same with Mark. She must have, that's what wives did. He wondered if she was thinking the same. 

She caught his eye and they paused, their recent history hanging between them like a deadly Pandora's box. The rain poured down. Elizabeth pulled her hands away and broke the moment. 

'Dr Corday?' 

Elizabeth and Robert both started. It was Mrs Graham. They had been so caught up with each other that they had failed to notice the other witnesses sitting near them. Looking over, Robert saw Sarah, the injured black man he had first treated all that time ago and lurking amongst a group of what had to be policemen, Yvonne Brown. She gave him a small nod and smile, eyes flicking to Elizabeth and back. 

Mrs Graham was peering at them with a watery smile, supported by a similar looking woman that Robert assumed was a sister. 

'I thought I should come over. Say hello. You-you look so well. I-so different,' she enthused. 

Elizabeth returned the smile. 

'Thank you. Is everything okay with you and Jane?' 

'Yes! Oh more than okay, you should come and see her she looks so much better. She has this light now. I know I've thanked you before but, again-' 

'Please Mrs Graham, there's no need.' 

'I know, I know. And Dr Romano. Our hero of the hour I hear?' 

Robert forced himself to smile. 

'I just did what I had to do,' he managed. 

Mrs Graham nodded a bit too long. 

'Don't know how I'm going to do this!' she laughed, 'don't know at all.' 

She looked around, they suddenly asked, 

'What are you going to do? When this is over?' 

Elizabeth turned to Robert who shrugged. How about, get this useless chew toy off my shoulder? 

'I think I'll go and see my mother,' he said, un-sincerley. 

Elizabeth turned back. 

'Well I suppose I could do with a holiday. Di you have something special planned?' 

But they never got to hear the answer because just then, Camilla Prince came over. 

'It's time.' 

In silence they filed into the room and slid onto hard seats. By coincidence or design, Robert and Elizabeth sat together. She was beginning to get jumpy, fidgeting with her hair and tapping her chin with her fingers. Robert peered out of the blinded windows, watching the rain scoot down it in rivers. He felt contained and overly sensitive. 

His attention was brought back to the court by a door at the other end of the court room opening. Two guards entered followed by two more guiding a figure in an orange suit. 

At first, Robert did not recognise him, but Elizabeth did. She caught her breath and curled her hands into balls. Then he knew. 

Martin had his hands and feet handcuffed, his face doleful. Black rings under his eyes stood out on his pallid complexion. This made Robert feel better, but deep down he knew it was part of the carefully thought out story, the picture perfect man in torment. He heard a woman sobbing and saw Mrs Graham rocking back and forth. 

As Martin sat down, Robert glanced at Elizabeth. She was looking down and breathing rapidly. She's going to have another panic attack, Robert thought. Alarmed, he took her hand without thinking. 

'Lizzie?' he whispered. 

She did not respond. 

'Elizabeth?' 

She looked up, staring fixedly at Martin. 

'Elizabeth, can you hear me? Elizabeth, come on, come back. You can't let him win this one. Do you want to go outside?' 

She closed her eyes again and shook her head. Robert waited, rubbing her hand and glancing around. 

'All rise.' 

The judge was entering. Elizabeth's head shot up and her eyes opened. Robert helped her stand, then they sat back down and she was breathing normally. She looked at him, and he smiled. She returned it, but pulled her hand away. 

They waited. 

For a week and a half, they waited. The prosecution had a case with plenty of forensics, expert witnesses, police witnesses and evidence which, though good, took an age to get through. Everyday Robert and Elizabeth came in and sat together. They ate lunch together, in a canteen not much better than the one at the hospital and talked about nothing. Robert cursed himself for keeping himself barred, but the tension from the case was too much. Things were strained. 

Then- 

'The prosecution calls Dr Robert Romano to the stand.' 


End file.
